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Back Off, Mary Poppins
Alan learns that Charlie belongs to an exclusive men's group, and he begs his brother to let him join.
Enjoy Those Garlic Balls
Judith is dating Jake's pediatrician, and Alan is upset until Charlie points out that if she remarries, his alimony payments will end.
A Bag Full of Jawea
Charlie tries to save Jake from school suspension for giving his teacher (Missi Pyle) the finger by romancing her, but his several attempts fail every time.
Go Get Mommy's Bra
Jake is very impressed and can't stop talking about his mother's new boyfriend, Dr. Melnick, which annoys Alan. While Evelyn borrows Charlie's car to help her impress a Saudi prince, .. show full overview
Bad News from the Clinic?
Charlie meets his match when he falls for a woman who's better at playing hard to get than he is.
The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance
Alan denies having shoplifted a toy as a child and fears he has a dark side, until Charlie admits he planted the toy on Alan to stay out of trouble himself.
A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana
Charlie and Alan hire Berta's sister to cater a party their mother has conned them into throwing for her.
Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers
Alan meets a woman named Nancy at a grocery store, who fulfills every single one of his desires, forcing Charlie to take care of Jake. After knowing Nancy for a few days Alan decides to .. show full overview
When Charlie leaves the house to avoid a date that he can't stand, he ends up at a coffee shop, where he meets his old girlfriend Lisa. He finds out that she broke up with her husband, .. show full overview
The Salmon Under My Sweater
Charlie tries to get Jake's approval on a theme song that he is hired to write for a television show, which is based on a comic book that Jake is a fan. While Alan finds out more about .. show full overview
Last Chance to See Those Tattoos
After getting unusually turned down at a bar, Charlie learns that a website has been made dedicated to exposing his lifestyle. Charlie sets out to find who created the site, making .. show full overview
A Lungful of Alan
Alan is jealous of Charlie when an old classmate, who's now a beautiful woman, seems to be more interested in Charlie.
Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair)
After an earthquake hits, Judith's house is damaged and she needs a place to stay. So Alan decides to invite her to stay with him and Charlie, without getting Charlie's permission. .. show full overview
Those Big Pink Things with Coconut
The brothers throw out their mother, after she insults the way Alan is raising Jake. When Alan and Charlie ignore her phone calls, to get their attention she ends up in the hospital. .. show full overview
Smell the Umbrella Stand
Alan starts to worry about a medical procedure that he is facing, and to get his mind off it, Charlie suggests they go to Las Vegas.
Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth?
When Judith decides to take a vacation, the brothers have to take care of Jake during the week. Alan finds it challenging, and even forgets to pick up Jake from soccer practice. When .. show full overview
Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam!
After Charlie has back pain, Alan decides to take him to the Hospital. While there Charlie can't stop hitting on the doctor who is examining him. The only problem is that he has a .. show full overview
It Was 'Mame', Mom
Charlie is invited to a party hosted by a gay ad-executive named Eric, so Charlie asks Alan to pretend that he's his life partner. While at the party, Charlie meets Eric's ex-wife Pamela, and tries to sleep with her without Eric finding out.
A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise
After Charlie takes Alan to an eye doctor, they end up at cafe where they bump into Charlie's ex-girlfriend, Sherri. While there Alan shows an interest in Sherri, and decides to ask her .. show full overview
I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey
Rose tries to help the brothers sort out their feelings, when Charlie and Alan take their personal frustrations out on each other.
A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On
Evelyn reads in the obituaries that her second husband, Harry has died. They all attend the funeral, including Jake who is excited at the opportunity of seeing a ""dead guy"". Charlie is .. show full overview
That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother
Evelyn buys Alan a new Sports car causing Charlie to claim that his brother has sold his soul to the Devil. The next day, Evelyn extracts payment by insisting that Alan go on a blind, .. show full overview
Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab
Evelyn demands Jake spend a night at her place when she finds out he spent Spring Break with Judith's parents. Neither Alan nor Charlie are keen on the idea, but going to a bar after dropping off Jake quickly erases their concerns.
Does This Smell Funny to You?
Charlie unknowingly sleeps with an older man's trophy wife while Jake has to read a paper to his class.
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