Straight from the mailbag comes a plea for help! He wants to learn D&D, but doesn’t know how. Have no fear! I’ll teach you the same way I learned how, by playing Dragon Strike! Beware the Sacrilege!

The Spoony One makes his triumphant return in this review of the worst, most boring game to ever blight the PC or the SegaCD: Microcosm. Take a Fantastic Voyage through FMV Hell and see if you can survive “the ultimate CD-ROM game.” But first, we need to take a look at the most grotesquely over-fluffed instruction manual ever written for a game. Keep a pen handy, or you’ll regret it…

It’s time to shoot the tubes and tackle Sewer Shark for the SegaCD. The sewer level is the lamest level in any game, so what happens when you’ve got a game that consists entirely of sewer levels? A million pounds of tubesteak!

Our journey into FMV Hell gets even more horrifying as The Spoony One confronts the nefarious Rita Repulsa in the Sega CD game Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers. It’s morphin’ time!

The deepest level of FMV Hell awaits as The Spoony One is forced to make the videos of four bands: Marky Mark & The Funky Bunch, INXS, Kriss Kross, and the C+C Music Factory. Will he be able to escape with his sanity, or will these games crush his spirit once and for all? C’mon, c’mon! Feel it! Feel it! I’ve got some good vibrations about this one.

I present to you the greatest fantasy epic that time forgot: Yor, the Hunter From the Future! It’s got cavemen, purple people, space mutinies, people drinking dinosaur juice, and Darth Vader!

Oh yes, believe it or not, there is an official Dirty Dancing game exclusively on the PC! It could be the worst game yet, but nobody puts Spoony in a corner! WOLVERINES!

It’s time to rediscover the old BBC show Knightmare as The Spoony One braves the deadly Dungeons of Deceit. Whether you’ve seen it or not, we’re in for a wild ride. Oooooh, nasty!

The Spoony One goes corporate with this new Taco Bell-sponsored review of Demolition Man for the 3DO! It’s a real future shock as we cope with tight new language decency constraints, as well as mounting insanity. What’s my boggle?

Let’s sit down and play some Phantasmagoria 2: A Puzzle of the Flesh! I’ve never actually played this game before, so join me on an all new rollercoaster ride through FMV Hell!

Curtis is a little shaken up over his latest demonic experience, so he and Gay Spoony head over to Chotchkies for some extreme fajitas. But what’s this? Has Bastard Bob struck again and locked the Pensky File?

What spells terror like a visit to your psychiatrist? Prepare yourself for a load of long, talky scenes that somehow makes the Senate scenes in the Star Wars prequels seem taut and suspenseful. Ah well, maybe now we’ll finally figure out what’s wrong with Curtis.

It’s rough going at the loony bin. Joey Fatone is still looking for latex and McNuggets, Ed Norton is shrieking like a banshee, and there’s a weird lady eating her own arm. Later, the drama reaches a fever pitch as Trevor finally reveals his dark secret: the Potato Story. Don’t miss it!

The epic conclusion to this Puzzle of Flesh is an orgy of slime, lightning, mucus, and alien weirdness in Dimension X. Who survives? Who dies? Will Curtis prevail, or will Paul Warner’s new weight loss drug usher in a new golden age of pharmaceuticals? More importantly, will Spoony survive with his sanity intact? All signs point to “no.”