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Season 3
Ralph is getting paid one hundred dollars to be in a commercial for Choosy Chew Candy. He asks Norton to help him rehearse the lines he must memorize but ends up knowing less about what
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Ralph is getting paid one hundred dollars to be in a commercial for Choosy Chew Candy. He asks Norton to help him rehearse the lines he must memorize but ends up knowing less about what he has to say that when they first started. Later, Ralph gets a toothache. After unsuccessfully trying different remedies suggested by Alice and Norton, he finally goes to Dr. Durgom, the family dentist. The dentist wants to pull Ralph's tooth but when he steps out to answer a phone call, Ralph grabs a bottle of liquid pain killer and scrams. What Ralph doesn't know is that in order for it to work it must be refrigerated. Just before going on the air for the commercial, Ralph applies the pain killer. During the commercial he bites into the candy and starts rampaging around the set and through the Choosy Chew orchestra in excruciating pain.
Ralph doesn't want to go to Alice's sister Sally's wedding because he has tickets to the world series. He and Alice battle it out with no resolution. Ralph meets Norton for lunch and
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Ralph doesn't want to go to Alice's sister Sally's wedding because he has tickets to the world series. He and Alice battle it out with no resolution. Ralph meets Norton for lunch and they come up with a surefire scheme. They're going to trick Stanley, the groom, into eloping right away. That night Ralph and Norton show up at Sally's house with a ladder but Stanley is afraid of heights, so Ralph is stuck going up the ladder to get Sally's luggage. Sally and Stanley have a fight and call the whole thing off. Ralph climbs back up the ladder and starts tossing the luggage back through the window. Stanley and Sally return to announce they're going to elope after all, and off they go. As Ralph is taking down the ladder, a cop shows up and demands an explanation. Ralph tells him the whole story, and then the cop gives him the bad news: earlier in the day the New York Giants clinched the Series by winning four straight games.
Alice finds a love letter in the cookbook that she has borrowed from Trixie. Upon examination, Trixie reveals that the letter was written by Ed. Ralph also reads the letter -- and
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Alice finds a love letter in the cookbook that she has borrowed from Trixie. Upon examination, Trixie reveals that the letter was written by Ed. Ralph also reads the letter -- and immediately assumes that Alice has a secret lover. Anxious to determine the identity of ""the other man,"" Ralph and Ed head down to the office of a handwriting analyst. Inevitably, she concludes that Ed was the author of the romantic note.
Running time: 37:46
NOTE: After it's initial airing, this episode was lost. It was found in the University of Georgia's Peabody Archive.
It aired only 1 additional time, on TV Land on 10/16/2004 (the 50th anniversary of it's original airing).
MPI does intend to include this episode in the new, repackaged ""Lost Epiosde's"" DVD set due out 2005 - 2006.
""Love Letter"" was remade November 24, 1956 and it is this pisode that appears in syndication and on VHS & DVD.
Morgan and Weaver, from a corrupt local political party, visit Ralph and ask him to run for assemblyman on their ticket. Ralph is so impressed with himself that the pair has him believe
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Morgan and Weaver, from a corrupt local political party, visit Ralph and ask him to run for assemblyman on their ticket. Ralph is so impressed with himself that the pair has him believe that he can be President some day. Alice suspects that the two men want Ralph to be their stooge, but Ralph interprets her skepticism as a lack of faith in him. The Kramdens and Nortons take to the streets to campaign. Morgan and Weaver see this and call Ralph an idiot for exposing himself to the public, and it begins to dawn on Ralph that maybe Alice is right. At a rally the next night, instead of giving the speech Morgan and Weaver prepared for him, Ralph tells his supporters that he is not qualified to run for office and that they should vote for his opponent.
The Kramdens and Nortons don elaborate costumes in anticipation of attending a Halloween party. No sooner has Ralph ripped up his tuxedo, intending to create an ""elegant bum"" costume,
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The Kramdens and Nortons don elaborate costumes in anticipation of attending a Halloween party. No sooner has Ralph ripped up his tuxedo, intending to create an ""elegant bum"" costume, than he learns that the party is actually a birthday party for his boss -- and formal attire is mandatory.
Running time: ?:??
NOTE: This episode is not in syndication, but does appear on MPI home video, but not yet on DVD. MPI does intend to include this episode in the new, repackaged ""Lost Epiosde's"" DVD set due out 2005 - 2006.
This episode was originally made as ""Halloween Party"" on October 31, 1953.
Ralph and Ed are at the pool hall, in a scene that was later adapted for ""The Bensonhurst Bomber"". Trixie phones Norton and tells him to get home -- her mother has come for a visit.
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Ralph and Ed are at the pool hall, in a scene that was later adapted for ""The Bensonhurst Bomber"". Trixie phones Norton and tells him to get home -- her mother has come for a visit. This is Ralph's cue to give Norton a ""King of the Castle"" speech, and to tutor him on what to tell Trixie when he returns home -- after he and Ralph have finished playing pool. Norton is so inspired that he says Ralph's words should be recorded and played at every wedding instead of ""Here Comes the Bride."" Later, Trixie comes down to the Kramdens' apartment in tears -- Norton's been playing king and she doesn't want to spend the night with him. Alice wakes up Ralph, and when he gives her his ""king"" speech, she gets suspicious. When Norton comes down and begins bullying Trixie again, it confirms to Alice that Norton has become Ralph's understudy. Alice and Trixie walk out together, leaving Ralph and Norton as roommates in the Kramdens' apartment . A week later the apartment looks like Yucca Flats after the b
Ralph and Alice are contestants on Beat the Clock. They succeed on their first stunt, where Alice has to propel a cup with a can of whipped cream into a net Ralph is holding in his
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Ralph and Alice are contestants on Beat the Clock. They succeed on their first stunt, where Alice has to propel a cup with a can of whipped cream into a net Ralph is holding in his teeth, and are in the middle of their second, where they have to catch lemons in a cup and stack the cups while keeping a balloon from hitting the ground, when time runs out and they're asked to return the next week. Of course they will -- a 21-inch color TV is at stake. Ralph and Alice practice their stunt at home, with Norton's help. Jerry, Alice's brother-in-law, arrives with the news that Alice's sister Helen is expecting their child any day. He has to leave town on business and he wants to know if the Kramdens will look after Helen while he's gone. As the Fickle Finger of Fate would have it, Helen goes into labor Saturday night, just before the Kramdens are supposed to be at the TV studio. Helen has twins, and Alice decides to stay with her. Norton accompanies Ralph to the studio, and the show's host, B
Alice's brother Frank is coming for dinner. Ralph has hated Frank ever since he cheated him out of a promotion when they both worked for the WPA. According to Ralph, Frank's ""a moocher,
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Alice's brother Frank is coming for dinner. Ralph has hated Frank ever since he cheated him out of a promotion when they both worked for the WPA. According to Ralph, Frank's ""a moocher, a swindler, and a bum!"" Frank antagonizes Ralph during dinner, and then tries to put the finger on him and Alice for five hundred dollars to buy a hotel in New Jersey that's located right where a new highway is supposed to be built. The Kramdens don't give him the money -- Alice agrees with Ralph this time -- but Ralph decides to steal Frank's idea and buy the hotel with the Nortons. Ralph becomes manager by winning a coin toss. Norton is the bellhop, Alice the cook, and Trixie the chambermaid. Norton says the hotel looks like ""the set for a Bela Lugosi picture,"" but miraculously they get it cleaned up. Their first guest is a surveyor with the highway-construction crew -- who tells Ralph and Norton that the highway isn't going to pass right in front of the hotel as they thought, but over it. It's an ele
Ralph's gonna get rich by writing hit songs. He gets the idea when he learns that the Raccoon Lodge has contracted to pay a professional songwriter one hundred dollars to write a lodge
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Ralph's gonna get rich by writing hit songs. He gets the idea when he learns that the Raccoon Lodge has contracted to pay a professional songwriter one hundred dollars to write a lodge theme song -- and that the hundred dollars is peanuts compared with what the songwriter makes writing pop songs. Ralph's first step to stardom is to recruit Norton to play the piano and write the music to Ralph's lyrics. Ralph keeps Norton up all night trying to write songs, while waging running battles with Alice and McGarrity (a.k.a. Garrity). After failing at writing love songs, lullabies, and holiday songs, they hit on a novelty song and take it to a publisher. Ralph is crushed when the publisher says he loves the melody but hates the words, and that he wants to bring in a professional songwriter to write lyrics to Norton's music. In a rare gesture of unselfishness Ralph steps aside for Norton's sake. But Norton values his friendship with Ralph more than a musical career, and unbeknownst to Ralph, ta
This second version of the sketch is still considered lost.
This second version of the sketch is still considered lost.
It's Norton's birthday, the Kramdens are treating for a night out, and Ralph's looking to get off cheaply. He doesn't want the Nortons to think he's cheap, though, so he tells Alice to
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It's Norton's birthday, the Kramdens are treating for a night out, and Ralph's looking to get off cheaply. He doesn't want the Nortons to think he's cheap, though, so he tells Alice to suggest that they go to the movies (instead of to the Kit Kat Club, where Norton took Ralph on his birthday). It's been a banner day for Norton -- he's gotten a new vest from Trixie, a hand-carved mahogany surf board from the boys in the sewer, and a monogrammed scarf from the Kramdens -- and going to the movies is the icing on Norton's cake when he has the winning ticket in a drawing for a television set. Ralph claims the set is his because he paid for the tickets, and a feud erupts. Ralph dismantles the set so no one can watch it, and he and Norton stop speaking to each other; they write notes instead. Things get so bad that the boys are reduced to playing pool with their wives. A bitter confrontation at the pool hall spills over into night court, where during Trixie and Alice's testimony, we learn tha
The heat's off at Chauncey Street and the apartment's an icebox, but Ralph doesn't even notice -- he's just been promoted to first assistant cashier to the assistant cashier. What a
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The heat's off at Chauncey Street and the apartment's an icebox, but Ralph doesn't even notice -- he's just been promoted to first assistant cashier to the assistant cashier. What a life, he muses -- he can dress up every day like it's Sunday, and take his lunch to work in a briefcase. Day one on the new job Ralph is working late trying to find a three-dollar discrepancy in the day's accounting. Norton comes to visit and Ralph accidentally closes and locks the safe before he puts away the day's receipts. He takes the money home in a paper bag, with the intention of returning it to the safe early the next morning when the safe's time lock shuts off. At home, with Norton's help, the bag gets mixed up with some grocery bags and Alice discovers the money. Instead of thinking Ralph's a dope, as he thought she would, she is sympathetic. That night, at the bus company, the safe is blown open by crooks. The next morning, when Ralph arrives at work with the money, he finds a room full of bus-co
The International Order of Loyal Raccoons are planning a trip to Chicago for their annual convention, and to help get themselves in the mood for the festive occasion they've invited the
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The International Order of Loyal Raccoons are planning a trip to Chicago for their annual convention, and to help get themselves in the mood for the festive occasion they've invited the Great Fatchamara -- ""the world's greatest hypnotist,"" and a Raccoon from Bayonne to the lodge to entertain them. He hypnotizes Ralph and Norton and tells Ralph he is Norton, and Norton, Ralph. He tells them they're at a bowling alley, and each acts as if he's the other: ""Ralph"" is angry because ""Norton"" wants to bowl first; ""Norton"" rolls a strike and finishes off his turn with a Nortonesque flourish of the arms. Before Fatchamara brings them out of their trances, he gives them a posthypnotic suggestion: whenever they're seated and hear the name Chicago, they'll think they're sitting on a bed of red-hot coals. The convention ought to be a riot -- Ralph's bringing a toy gun, a trick glass, chattering teeth, an electric prod, and paper bags to drop out the hotel window--but he may not get there because he
Ralph and Norton run into Herman Gruber, a boyhood friend of Ralph's from P.S. 73. Herman isn't married yet, so Ralph decides to find him a girl. He calls Evelyn Fensterblau and asks her
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Ralph and Norton run into Herman Gruber, a boyhood friend of Ralph's from P.S. 73. Herman isn't married yet, so Ralph decides to find him a girl. He calls Evelyn Fensterblau and asks her what she's doing the following night, and she hangs up on him. He has better luck with Charlotte Stadtelman from the bus company, who agrees to date Herman. The next day at the beauty parlor Trixie hears the latest gossip -- Ralph called Evelyn and asked her for a date! Trixie tells Alice, and when Alice confronts Ralph with the story he explains to Alice that he was calling Evelyn for Herman Gruber. Alice doesn't believe him, so Ralph decides to go to Charlotte's apartment to bring her and Herman home with him to explain things to Alice. While Ralph is there, Charlotte's jealous ex-boyfriend shows up and Ralph has to bluff his way out of a broken head. Back at Chauncey Street, Alice is donating some clothes to charity and transporting them in a suitcase. When Norton sees her carrying the suitcase he t
Some passengers on Ralph's bus who have been offended by him have complained to the bus company, so Ralph's boss orders him to see the company psychiatrist. Ralph thinks that the boss
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Some passengers on Ralph's bus who have been offended by him have complained to the bus company, so Ralph's boss orders him to see the company psychiatrist. Ralph thinks that the boss thinks he's crazy, and that this is the end of his career as a bus driver. Ralph takes Norton with him to the psychiatrist's office and within minutes they're fighting. The doctor enters the room and finds Norton standing on a desk and Ralph threatening to beat him up. The doctor sends Norton out of the room and gives Ralph his diagnosis: Norton aggravates him, so he should avoid seeing him or risk a nervous breakdown. Ralph can't tell Norton face to face that their friendship's over, so he writes him a letter. Norton accidentally sees the letter and thinks it's a suicide note. He decides to stick to Ralph like glue, to prevent him from killing himself. After two days of Norton's tailing him, Ralph thinks he's going nuts. One second he looks,, and Norton's there; a second later he's gone. Ralph thinks he'
Tommy, a new kid in the building, idolizes Ralph. Ralph thinks he's a pest--until Tommy tells him he saw him playing stickball, and that he wants to grow up to be a great athlete like
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Tommy, a new kid in the building, idolizes Ralph. Ralph thinks he's a pest--until Tommy tells him he saw him playing stickball, and that he wants to grow up to be a great athlete like Ralph is. The way to Ralph's heart is not only through his stomach but through his ego, and Ralph warms up to the kid in a flash. Soon Ralph is telling Tommy he fought for the Golden Cloves championship (The Wild Bull of Bensonhurst, they called him), that he almost pitched for the Brooklyn Dodgers, that he could lift four hundred pounds when he was seventeen, that he had a glorious football career (Snakehips Kramden was his name), and that he was an Eagle Scout. Tommy writes a school composition about Ralph, and Tommy's teacher asks Ralph to come to school to talk about it. She reads the composition to Ralph and asks him to tell Tommy to stop inventing such wild stories. In the composition Tommy says he's going to invite Ralph to a father-and-son Boy Scout competition, so Ralph rushes home to learn some
Ralph is collecting money from all the bus drivers for a wedding present for the boss's daughter. He hopes the gift will mean a raise for the drivers--and maybe a promotion for himself.
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Ralph is collecting money from all the bus drivers for a wedding present for the boss's daughter. He hopes the gift will mean a raise for the drivers--and maybe a promotion for himself. It's Alice's birthday, and her mother pays a visit. As soon as Ralph comes home, a battle royal between him and Mrs. Gibson begins. A delivery boy from Steinhardt's jewelry store arrives with a package that contains a watch Ralph bought for the boss's daughter. Alice thinks it's her birthday gift and is ecstatic. She praises Ralph up and down to her mother, and Ralph, who forgot it was Alice's birthday, is too ashamed to tell the truth. Now Ralph has to figure out how to get the watch back without letting Alice know it isn't hers. He and Norton come up with scheme: Norton will get one of his pals to pose as a burglar, hold up the Kramdens, and take the watch. While Ralph and Norton are devising their plan, a real crook overhears them and decides to show up at the Kramdens' before Norton's friend gets th
Ralph is trying to sleep because he has to get up early for work. Norton, trying to do a good deed, accidentally sets off Ralph's alarm clock. Ralph stumbles out of the bedroom half
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Ralph is trying to sleep because he has to get up early for work. Norton, trying to do a good deed, accidentally sets off Ralph's alarm clock. Ralph stumbles out of the bedroom half dressed and half asleep and heads out the door for work--six hours early. When he gets out to the street he realizes what has happened, and Norton becomes persona non grata in the Kramden household. Ralph gets back to sleep and Norton goes home--only to get into a no-holds-barred brawl with Trixie. Ralph wakes up again, and no sooner does Alice get him back in bed when in walks Trixie, sobbing because Norton has packed his things and left her. Ralph gets up again and goes out to find Norton. He catches up with him at the ice- cream parlor, where Norton is drowning his sorrows in malteds. Ralph pleads with Norton to go home, but Norton refuses. He claims he doesn't love Trixie any more--until Ralph reminds him about some of the ''gourmet'' meals Trixie cooks for him. Norton goes home, and Round Two begins. N
The Kramdens want to adopt a baby. ""We wanted this more than anything in the world,"" says Ralph. The adoption agency tells Alice her application is being considered, but that a staff
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The Kramdens want to adopt a baby. ""We wanted this more than anything in the world,"" says Ralph. The adoption agency tells Alice her application is being considered, but that a staff worker must come to the apartment to look it over before final approval is granted. A pall falls over the Kramdens because they think once the worker sees their crummy apartment they'll be denied a child. They borrow furniture--a TV set, drapes, refrigerator, stove, new table and chairs, couch, etc.--to make the apartment look presentable. Ralph and Alice are as nervous as two kids on their first date as they wait for Miss Lawrence from the agency to arrive. As she is interviewing the Kramdens, Ralph almost blows everything when he notes with amazement that a light goes on in the refrigerator when the door is opened. But no amount of homina-hominas can keep the charade going when Frank, the iceman, comes in with the Kramdens' daily delivery for the icebox. Ralph and Alice finally admit they redecorated the
Norton has discovered astrology, and Ralph thinks he's nuts, especially when Norton tells him the stars say he shouldn't ask his boss, Mr. Malone, for the raise he planned to request
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Norton has discovered astrology, and Ralph thinks he's nuts, especially when Norton tells him the stars say he shouldn't ask his boss, Mr. Malone, for the raise he planned to request that day. Norton also sees in the stars that Ralph will have an accident that day and will be rendered speechless. When a window falls on Ralph's hand and the pain is so great that he can't utter a sound, Ralph becomes hooked on the stars too. He doesn't ask for the raise, and Alice is furious when she learns the reason why. Ralph tells her the stars say he should ask for the raise Friday night at 11:30 P.M. Alice tries to explain to Ralph that he can't possibly be anywhere near his boss Friday night at that hour. As if appointed by destiny, in walks Freddie Muller with an invitation for the Kramdens to an engagement party he's giving for Mr. Malone, Friday night--from 9 P.M. to midnight. Next, Norton sees in Ralph's horoscope that he's going to have an encounter with a glamorous Aquarius. They figure that
Ralph and Norton are going nuts trying to do their taxes. They compare income and expenses, and when Ralph realizes that he and Norton between them are paying $90 a month in rent, he
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Ralph and Norton are going nuts trying to do their taxes. They compare income and expenses, and when Ralph realizes that he and Norton between them are paying $90 a month in rent, he proposes that they pool their money and share an apartment. The Kramdens and the Nortons move to 23 Mockingbird Lane in Flushing, Queens, and the benefits of the move are immediately obvious: at Chauncey Street the view from Ralph's window was the back of a Chinese restaurant; from the new apartment he can see the front of a Chinese restaurant. The euphoria of new surroundings wears off quickly though, when Norton spends all morning in the bathtub while Ralph's waiting to bathe before going to work. When Ralph finally gets into the bathroom he takes a tumble on the soap Norton dropped on the floor and then can't get any hot water. Ralph tries to salvage his morning with a few waffles but Norton gets to them first, causing more friction. Things are no better that night; everything Norton does--eating, tappi
A bus-company inspector gets on Ralph's bus and tells him he's getting too fat to drive a bus. Ralph goes home and checks a bus company height and weight chart, and discovers that for
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A bus-company inspector gets on Ralph's bus and tells him he's getting too fat to drive a bus. Ralph goes home and checks a bus company height and weight chart, and discovers that for his height--six feet tall--he's four pounds under the maximum weight for a man his height. Later that night, with a clear mind, he goes to the monthly Raccoon Lodge banquet and eats up a storm. After the feast, one of the Raccoons bets Ralph that he's not six feet tall, and it turns out he's right--Ralph's only 5 feet 11 inches! A five-foot-eleven bus driver is supposed to weight 238 pounds, and Ralph weighed 246--before the banquet. Ralph immediately goes on a diet, and being deprived of food turns him into a monster. Two days before his bus-company physical he's about to go over the edge: even a crossword puzzle in which one of the answers is Supreme Court Justice Frankfurter drives him nuts. The next day, Mrs. Manicotti is having a surprise party for her husband, and she wants to hide the food for the
The Kramdens have new next-door neighbors--the Fallons, from Bayonne. Ralph welcomes the new guy by inviting him to join him and Norton for pool, bowling, and lodge meetings, but Fallon
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The Kramdens have new next-door neighbors--the Fallons, from Bayonne. Ralph welcomes the new guy by inviting him to join him and Norton for pool, bowling, and lodge meetings, but Fallon is busy all the nights Ralph and Norton go out together--he spends all those nights with his wife. Alice, who earlier had been stood up for a movie date with Ralph because he had to bowl with the Hurricanes, feels like a discarded dishrag next to Mrs. Fallon. Later, Trixie tells Alice that she read in a magazine that the reason men spend so much time apart from their wives is because the wives let themselves go and allow their marriages to become dull and predictable. The girls make a pact to bring romance back to Chauncey Street. When Ralph comes home the next night and finds the apartment lit by candlelight, his first reaction is to accuse Alice of forgetting to pay the electric bill. Alice is prepared though: fancy clothes, hugs and kisses, a bushel of compliments, a roast-beef dinner, and romantic m
The Kramdens' apartment is going to pot--the pipes leak, the walls are cracking, the sink won't work, doorknobs are falling off. Ralph is fed up, so he seeks out Shaughnessy, the
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The Kramdens' apartment is going to pot--the pipes leak, the walls are cracking, the sink won't work, doorknobs are falling off. Ralph is fed up, so he seeks out Shaughnessy, the neighborhood lawyer, who advises him to withhold his rent until the landlord makes repairs. Ralph decides to take the rent money and repair and redecorate the apartment himself. He buys a new bathtub, and wallpaper that is too gaudy even for Norton (Alice describes it as ""early Halloween""). Ralph papers the apartment, but soon thereafter a painter comes in and undoes the damage. Finally comes the confrontation with the landlord. Ralph rails at him for being a cheapskate and a tightwad, and tells him that a clause in his lease allows him to withhold rent money and use it for repairs. The landlord tells Ralph that another clause in the lease allows the landlord to cancel the lease entirely, and that Ralph is now an ex-tenant. The landlord says he'll renew the lease if Ralph agrees to pay an additional fifteen do
Ralph and Norton have entered the annual amateur night at the Halsey Theater, where the grand prize is two hundred dollars. Their act consists of a mind-reading bit, jokes and a Laurel
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Ralph and Norton have entered the annual amateur night at the Halsey Theater, where the grand prize is two hundred dollars. Their act consists of a mind-reading bit, jokes and a Laurel and Hardy impersonation, and a song-and-dance routine. When Ralph comes home from work, he discovers he and Norton are going to have some stiff competition: Alice and Trixie are doing a hula song and dance. Ralph is against Alice's performing, but Norton is more understanding; Trixie had been in burlesque, he tells Ralph, and has the tradition of the theater to uphold. Alice knows Ralph is afraid she and Trixie may win, and she appeals to his pride. Ralph not only accepts her challenge but bets her ten dollars he and Norton will win and promises to eat her grass skirt if she and Trixie win. Ralph and Norton are up past midnight rehearsing, and Alice and Garrity, are anything but a captive audience. The ""restaurant sketch"" they rehearse, in which Norton does a Stan Laurel impersonation as a customer who
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