Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill as they don their official Guardiana headbands and sunglasses for Safety Woman: In Danger Out of Doors!

It’s a meatfest of the highest order, and we feel like even Upton Sinclair himself would begrudgingly approve. Just don’t touch any machines operated by guys with less than four fingers. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for This Is Hormel!

Yes, Norman, the sack of failure in a bad suit last seen soliciting strangers for money in a public restroom, now has to give the big speech to a crowd of investors. Why? We don’t know. Perhaps a stupid dog that won’t stop licking its crotch was unavailable. Will Norman triumph over the odds and wow the executives with a masterful speech? Or will he just Norman the entire operation down his leg?

No job? No credit? No problem! You can still join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the long term career stability of How to Keep a Job!

Join Mike, Kevin, Bill, and your pals at the Centron Film Corporation in letting Adrilene know everything that’s wrong with her in Health: Your Posture!

So save the date, RSVP, and just generally waste as much paper and postage as possible with Mike, Bill, and Kevin for Writing Better Social Letters!

You’ll learn how to make the world’s worst planetarium. Yes, even worse than that one where the laser show is set to Dogs Barking Jingle Bells instead of Pink Floyd. Also: cardboard tube zebras! Because who hasn’t looked around their home and thought “It doesn’t look like a lunatic decorated. I should change that.” And last but certainly not least, a robot kite that violates all three of Asimov’s laws, plus several more you didn’t even know existed!

From Phoenix to Panama, there’s no blisteringly hot locale these ladies won’t be forced to suffer in their shiny plastic clothing. And might the narrator focus a little too much on the “Latin flavor” of Esther Fernandez, credited in the opening as “Paramount’s Mexican Discovery”? The answer is yes, yes, the narrator definitely focuses on that too much. Don’t hesitate, join Mike, Kevin, and Bill on this journey through the world of probably toxic glamour, Fashion Horizons!

Grab a mop and a copy of Jean-Paul Sartre’s Being and Nothingness and join Mike, Bill, and Kevin for a journey into the porcelain and tile oblivion of Color it Clean!

Read On From Left To Right doubles down on the madness by throwing puppets into the mix. Just let that sink in for a second: an ACI short with puppets. Their names are Lem and Mel, and they make reading fun! And if you believe that, ACI has a fancy headdress to sell you. The lesson of the short is basically, don’t try to read things backwards. Most teachers simply find it easiest just to tell their students that, without subjecting them to the mind-warping powers of ACI. But if you do choose to watch it, you’ll be treated to the trademark ACI cutaways, disembodied limbs, confused children, and puppets who loathe each other. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the latest installment with their favorite pair of inhuman, time-travelling hobbit-hobos, Clean and Neat with Harv and Marv!

Featuring video footage that makes the saucers in Plan 9 From Outer Space look like the aliens in Independence Day, Flying Saucer Mystery probes deep (ha!) into the mystery of our neighbors in the sky. Get it now before the government can [REDACTED]

We’re not sure when we discovered puppets for the first time in order to make a rediscovery necessary, but Rediscovery: Puppets asserts that this has definitely happened. We find it best not to question the people who put the ACI in MANIAC.

One of these baggy clothes wearing schlubs is at the center of our tale. In a lapse of judgment, he wishes to never see another spring again, which a spring sprite named Coily is happy to instantly oblige. Coily evidently didn’t have much else going on. Schlub-o (our hero’s legal full name) then takes a harrowing, George Bailey-esque journey into an alternate reality, only instead of “Making Violent Love” to Donna Reed, he can’t get his glove compartment to stay closed. Needless to say, he cracks under the madness of this terrifying new world almost immediately and spends the rest of the short evangelizing springs, for fear that Coily will punch him in the face like Mr. Welch did to George after he told off his wife. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill in wondering why there are no Google image search results for “Coily tattoo” riffing A Case of Spring Fever! No springs!

Reached for comment, Kermit the Frog has denied all knowledge of Warty the Toad and categorically denies he is the father. There’s a little to learn and a lot to smell at this pond, join Mike, Kevin and Bill for Warty the Toad!

So hop on board, because your favorite shorts-making lunatics have 16 millimeters of pure crazy to mainline into your eyeballs. Roll up a big ball of homemade clay, gnaw off a bite or two (because you know that they were doing that), and form it into one of the various abominations depicted on screen. Because you can’t spell “The company that made these was likely shut down by the feds after parents complained that their children couldn't sleep because they were plagued by dreams of fancy headdress-wearing cylinders tunneling into their brains” without ACI!

Carrying on the proud tradition of Onerous Ones, Tautological Twos, and Thrifty Threes, join the guys for Frustrating Fours and Fascinating Fives!

Join Mike, Kevin and Bill for a heaping helping of holiday cheer wi-- “I CAN EAT CANDY”-- Santa and the Fairy Snow Queen!