Mike, Bill, and Kevin encourage you to Say No To Strangers, and also to Evites, friends holding petitions, and pretty much anybody you’ve ever known, met, or loved. Just stay home by yourself.

Push your friend out of a boat! Start a fire in the yard with gasoline! Check out what’s happening at the bottom of a neat ravine! The only consequence is repeated trips to the hospital where you’ll get wrapped in bandages like a scary mummy by a friendly nurse, so you simply cannot lose!* Live and Learn! Or don’t and die, either way it makes for a very funny short. *Certainly don’t consider litigation against the ironic comedy website that gave you those ideas. Also we cannot guarantee your particular nurse will be friendly.

Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill as they try to pet a mangy dumpster dog while picking up venomous snakes, then call Child Protective Services on Safety With Animals!

Ten Long Minutes starts off like a classic grisly safety short. An unreasonably happy man goes to work in a factory, which experienced safety short viewers will know is a sure sign that brutal disfigurement and Play-Doh level gore effects are just around the corner. But then, a phone call, and a twist! This time the worker’s carelessness has put not himself, but his family in danger! Leaving him, and his sweaty “Wilford Brimley crossed with the Jump to Conclusions mat guy from Office Space” coworker to sit and imagine what went wrong for Ten Long (and, trust us, hilarious) Minutes!

Will Kevin be rightfully mocked and pantsed for his devotion to bus safety? Is emphasizing their own likely death the best way to teach children proper bus exiting techniques? Will Nic Cage urinate a stream of fire? Tune in to Ghost Rider and find out!

It checks all the bases for a classic 50s short: seven-year-olds who dress like fifty-year-old accountants, disembodied floating heads taunting helpless victims, and teachers who think the kindest solution is to demand answers from sobbing girls in front of the whole class. Plus, more taunts of “Stinky” than when Jabba The Hutt’s son was kidnapped. Buy the other fellow in your life a suitable gift depending on whether that fellow is a man, woman or wolf otherkin, then sit back on the couch and enjoy The Other Fellow’s Feelings.

Come for the beach drinking, stay for the narrator yelling at relatives and friends as they walk by his casket! Like one of these email forwards from your Grandma (complete with 36 point bright-red font and a million little arrows to scroll past) come to life, The Day I Died will scold its way into your heart!

What is the short actually about, other than clowns? It was something about showing you the pieces of a story and then seeing if you can put them in order. Just as a test, let’s see how your skills are before you watch the short. The pieces are: 1) Utter abject terror, gnashing of teeth and wailing at the horror. 2) The clown appears. Pretty tough, huh? You better watch the short.

The film stars Mr. Grimes, (or “Grimey” as he liked to be called), in a classic “Goofus and Gallant” scenario. Which role would you emulate? The hostile, shrieking Mr. Grimes who hands out detentions as if they were pennies wrapped in tinfoil on Halloween? Or the cool, mellow Mr. Grimes who one day lets it slip that he still lives with his mother. Of course you’d pick the first one. Whether he’s an effective educator is beside the point, because clearly the second one’s admission has lost him the respect of at least the next ten years of students who parade through his classroom. Find an eraser to hurl and synchronize your watches so you’ll know when to drop your textbooks. It’s time for Maintaining Classroom Discipline!

Rescueman teaches kids about bus safety the only way that the state of Pennsylvania knew how: incompetently with an absurd emphasis on bending your knees when you jump out of the bus. Join us, true believers!

But there’s still one thing plaguing the perfect life of this obviously wealthy “middle-class everyman” - that most treacherous of beasts, the common yard dandelion. But not for long, because the greenskeeper at our man’s country club has some advice - grab a big metal canister and drench every inch of your property in Weed-No-More! It’s safe for dogs, kids, heck you can stir it into your Yoo-Hoo if you want! So dig in to a lawn care commercial with a bigger budget than the last three Air Bud movies and join Mike, Bill, and Kevin in saying Goodbye, Weeds!

Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill as they work off their gambling debts (Still can’t believe that first grader tapped out to the four year old!) as they team up to riff When Should Grown-Ups Stop Fights?

It’s a cook-off that makes the Iron Chef look like a line cook at Golden Corral, and the best part is, You’re the Judge! (You are not actually the judge. There is a judge in the short. It’s one of the girl’s dads. We don’t know why they called it that.)

Mike, Kevin and Bill served with Kotter, they knew Kotter, Kotter was a friend of theirs. Norman, you are no Kotter. Don’t miss Welcome Back, Norman, because when Norman suffers, the world gains!

As if to prove that Dunston wasn’t the only unpleasant, pest-ridden ape who knew how to Check In, here comes our old pal Norman! You’ll be pleased to know that Norman has finally cleaned up his act and gotten his life together: staying at a five star resort where everyone calls him sir, commanding respect with ease, women wanting him, men wanting to BE him...ahhh, we’re kidding of course. This installment finds Norman losing battles to a taxidermy convention, the magic fingers on a pre Civil War mattress, a television, and even exposing himself to a helpless maid. To reiterate: this short finds Norman in the bathroom once again, except this time, he is NUDE. So kick off your shoes, put your feet up on a motel comforter that’s never been washed, and check in with America’s least favorite guy, Norman!

Folks, there is no dancing around this issue: the plot of the first ever Norman short is that Norman uses a public restroom. Is this a pleasant experience for Norman? How dare you ask that question. This is Norman we are talking about. Having bad experiences with toilets is the closest thing he has to a personality.

This classic music educational film, first seen on MST3K and riffed in its entirety for the first time ever as part of our Kickstarter rewards, is a chance to see an all new take on the beloved Mr. B!

For those who haven’t seen the film, or Smashing Pumpkins’ Tonight, Tonight video, it’s about a bunch of wizards, or maybe scientists, who fly a rocket into the moon’s eyeball, where they’re greeted by a bunch of freaky little monkey demon guys. In other words, the science is just as accurate as anything you’d see in a modern blockbuster. So grab a pointy hat, strap protective goggles on any lunar bodies you know, and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for A Trip to the Moon!