You think Jay Gatsby knew how to throw a party? Bridget and Mary Jo are just getting home from last night's celebration of plastic storage containers! Don't get FOMO - join them for these Tupperware shorts and promotional films!

Beginning Responsibility: Doing Things For Ourselves In School follows Steve, a classic crew-cutted Coronet protagonist finding his place in the world. Steve tries to follow the core principles of the Beginning Responsibility universe: 1) Don’t be such a pest, and 2) Stop whining about it! Steve has a friend named Ken who is slightly more boneheaded than him, as mandated by Coronet law. Together, Steve and Ken struggle to put their boots away, wear ugly painter smocks, and generally avoid the wrath of the scolding passive-aggressive narrator who lords over us all in Beginning Responsibility: Doing Things For Ourselves In School!

Featuring the finest “newborn baby calf stumbling around” scene this side of City Slickers, it’s Farm Animals! It’s a vintage short from a time when films were needed to show people things that they were never likely to see in real life. Exotic amazing things, like, uh, a horse! Some chickens, perhaps! Have you ever THRILLED at the sight of sheep? A nurse will be on duty in the theater to attend to those who faint! Buckle up (your suspenders), get a hose (for the amniotic fluid all over the barn floor) and wake up at 5am with Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Farm Animals!

Fee, Fie, Fo… Fun??? That is how you might start copy for a version of Jack and the Beanstalk that wasn’t a stark, joyless nightmare. This one, on the other hand, is like a Dorthea Lange photo that decided it wanted to become a fairy tale. We all know the story: family is starving, boy takes beloved cow to be slaughtered, mysterious man offers him magic beans instead, Billy Peltzer releases the electric gremlin and all the gremlins get electrocuted except the sexy lady gremlin, Jack steals the golden goose, etc. But, (and we believe this technically qualifies as a selling point) you’ve never seen it told with such careworn actors before! Pop a few magic beans of your own and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Jack and the Beanstalk!

The most popular film genre in the 70s was clearly Robert De Niro’s Pre-Dirty Grandpa Phase, but a close second was Dumb Kids Hurting Themselves. Emergencies - What Would You Do? is a standout, taking the critically lauded step of leaving the viewer uncertain if the endangered children were willing actors or not. Whether it’s drowning, eating bleach, or somehow not understanding how basic playground equipment like the swings work, you’ll witness future Darwin Award winners in action, all under the guise of teaching kids the valuable lesson that in case of emergency, you should immediately find someone smarter and stronger than you to help. Mike, Kevin, and Bill opted to remain humble freelance architects rather than transform into Safety Woman and help these kids, and frankly we don’t blame them.

Tommy’s Day begins with a big moment - young Tommy discovers his first loose tooth! So, naturally, this short will be all about that, right? Why we lose our baby teeth, how the new ones grow in, maybe a poorly-animated tooth fairy to bring the lesson home? Nope! The loose tooth gets dropped like a season 2 storyline from Lost. Instead we see Tommy’s morning routine, and then we leave Tommy altogether for a while to get much more of his sister’s routine. And then, it’s off to school! Will we get back to the subject of Tommy’s loose tooth there? Not really! But there is a pet bunny to meet, so it all works out. Experience the shame and hygiene confusion of the 1950s without living through them, join Mike, Bill and Kevin for Tommy’s Day!

This combo of two shorts about feet, produced by the Encyclopedia Britannica, will have you saying “I wish the Internet had killed encyclopedias sooner!” It’s psychedelic, it’s aimless, and it’s all about FEET, FEET, FEET! Just kidding, that’s not all it’s about, there are also some shoes. Does it teach valuable health lessons about caring for your feet? No, it doesn’t even try! Does it teach about the various types of footwear used in different careers? No, keep dreaming! Feet at the park, feet in the dirt, combat boots stomping across the playground, they’re all part of the dark carnival that is Toes Tell / Whose Shoes?. This duo of shorts is honestly one of the weirdest, most inexplicable relics we’ve stumbled across (with our feet), and it’s the perfect blank canvas for Mike, Kevin and Bill to walk all over (with their feet!).

This combo of two shorts about feet, produced by the Encyclopedia Britannica, will have you saying “I wish the Internet had killed encyclopedias sooner!” It’s psychedelic, it’s aimless, and it’s all about FEET, FEET, FEET! Just kidding, that’s not all it’s about, there are also some shoes. Does it teach valuable health lessons about caring for your feet? No, it doesn’t even try! Does it teach about the various types of footwear used in different careers? No, keep dreaming! Feet at the park, feet in the dirt, combat boots stomping across the playground, they’re all part of the dark carnival that is Toes Tell / Whose Shoes?. This duo of shorts is honestly one of the weirdest, most inexplicable relics we’ve stumbled across (with our feet), and it’s the perfect blank canvas for Mike, Kevin and Bill to walk all over (with their feet!).

Jimmy is a plucky ten-year-old who just can’t seem to follow directions, causing no end of disaster in his personal life. He has a dream in which he is accosted by a morally superior robber who teaches him a very important life lesson. Join Bridget and Mary Jo for the cautionary tale of The Boy Who Didn't Listen!

During a subway-induced coma, teenager Victoria flashes back to her mother’s childhood and realizes, despite all their arguments, her mother had actually been a kid once herself. One with questionable judgment but nonetheless -- drop your backpack by the door, get some Fruit Wrinkles and Capri-Sun, and join Bridget and Mary Jo for this very special After School Special.

It’s the 80s and loads of British kids are dying in substations! We’re not sure why they’re going into substations. Maybe to find out what the hell substations are? This is clearly one of those sensitive issues that has to be handled with the utmost care. So someone poorly animated some cartoon birds and got them to lecture kids about the dangers of electricity. It’s a very powerful, sobering experience. In fact, during the moving scene where a kid’s pants literally catch on fire, our chortling was noticeably subdued. This is the version of Play Safe that debuted at RiffTrax Live: The Five Doctors; it has not been seen again since!

The teacher is really putting the squeeze on the kindergartners to bring something to show-and-tell, and the pressure is getting to one little girl. Out of nowhere, plucky Mary Jo kills it with a show-and-tell that forever changes the lives of her fellow first-graders.

James is on his way to school when he gets a small cut on his finger. And if you don’t for one second believe that that thin, thin gruel got turned into a seventies educational short, then what the hell have you been watching us riff for the past thirteen years?? Bleeding makes James feel Just Awful, which frankly, is good news. If it had been the opposite, say, if James felt increasingly stronger and confident as he watched his lifeblood seep out of his fingertip, the lawsuits would probably still be working their way through the court system. Instead, James gets to pay a visit to the school nurse, who is just relieved to for once have a student who is not going to barf up his Snack Pack on her. Slice off the top of a non-essential digit, preferably your own, and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Just Awful!

Student Mel just loves to stir the pot at his high school, casting aspersions on one classmate’s virtue, and the football ability of others. He even goes so far to rat out the quarterback for being out past curfew! At the dance following a game the team loses, Mel’s classmates have had it up to here and confront him. He is told in no uncertain terms to beat it! Fortunately, the narrator steps in before things get really ugly and asks the typical "Discussion Problems in Group Living" questions. So there actually will be a test!

What is a Map is a production of Young America Films, so you know the answers will be stern, severe, and delivered with the clinical precision of a crew cut. The explanation of what in the actual heck a map is starts small, with the layout of a girl’s bedroom. Lamps, chairs, that sort of thing. But after that, the scope of the short gets much, MUCH bigger - well, okay, only a tiny big bigger. We get a map of her house and the surrounding neighborhood. Okay, not even the entire neighborhood, it’s more like four buildings. But hey, that’s what a map is, right? RIGHT?? Oh no, we still don’t really know what a map is! Existential angst aside, What is a Map is a whole mess of non-informative fun. Get your compass and chart a course for cartographical adventure with Mike, Kevin and Bill!

It’s the 70s! The pants are flared, the disco is thumping, and the educational shorts are meandering and pointless! In Someday we meet four children who discuss their plans for the future. We are not talking “Someday I want to be a doctor!” type plans. Lower your expectations to more of a “Someday I want to watch daddy pump gas” level. So please enjoy this short featuring small children shopping for vegetables, carrying a wild chimp, and sailing a boat alone on San Francisco bay. Post-viewing discussion questions may include: Where were the adults? Did they reall sneak a camera into a professional baseball game? Huh? Think of a much better plan for what you want to do Someday and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for a short so aimless you’ll be stunned it wasn’t made by ACI!

Bernard is struggling in math class mostly because his teacher will not stop calling on him. After multiple failed attempts of trying nothing, Bernard turns to his friend David to teach him basic math. Wouldn't you know it - his grade goes up! The victory is short-lived, however, when his math teacher demands no outside assistance for the next assignment. Bernard comes to a moral crossroads in trying to improve his grade. What Will Bernard Do? Well, we won't actually find out 'till the next installment - but watch the epic classroom journey with Bridget and Mary Jo!

Fun Days! All things considered, one of the better types of days. Beats the hell out of “crappy days” or “everyone you love contracts cholera days." One town loved Fun Days so much they had an entire Festival of Fun Days! As you would expect this involves tiny creatures terrorizing a small animated boy. Bunnies, a witch, and Father Time burst out of a calendar and wreak havoc, 1930s style. This mostly involves peeling eggs and singing while a kangaroo gets hammered. At one point in time there is a conveyor belt of babies. The festival’s permit was rightfully denied the next year.

We know that, for all his other faults, Scrooge was good with money. What this short presupposes is: maybe he wasn’t? In Banks: The Money Movers, Scrooge, the ruthless financier, is not exploiting tax loopholes and favorable loan rates. No, he’s stuffing cash into a mattress. Sure, he’s missing out on valuable interest but on the other hand: Money Bed! The Spirit of Banking shows up to show Scrooge (his first name is Arthur in this one, we forgot to mention that because, well, it’s very stupid) the error of his ways. By the end of the night, Scrooge may not be a better person, but he may be marginally wealthier. And that’s really what Christmas is all about.