Christmas Special: What are we doing in this Supercar? We've come a long way in one year. A Ferrari 360 is so nice, it makes me feel like a good person. This blood-of-the-lamb car washes away my sin and makes me go to the gym. Merry Christmas!

Tiny car. Tiny turbo. Loads of fun. One way ticket. Solid alibi. Reciprocating saw. Multiple states. Cash only. Ek praat Afrikaans vandag. Ek kan wegsteek op die Kaap. Verenigde State van Amerika geld koop baie Volkswagens. Kom ons kuier. Waar is die biblioteek? Die pen is in my hand. Die boek. Die boek! Die boek. Hoeveel rand sal dit neem vir gereelde motor resensies aan ZA kom?

A car so British, it apologizes for being on time. This is a car for looking like old money. When we were filming this, a lookie-loo walked up to the Jag and us... and said: "Do you have any Grey Poupon?" For real.

The 9th-gen F-150 was a transition period for Ford and Pickups in general. The Dodge ram showed the world that a pickup can be a toy and the other manufacturers followed frantically. This is still a very 80's stuck. It boasts that it has electronic fuel-injection. OOOOH.

The Mazdaspeed 6 is the sneaky neutral predator of the Subaru WRX. Subarus should fear this car with good reason: It doesn't look fast. It doesn't look flashy. it has no reputation. Pound-for-pound it will out-class a stock WRX on tarmac. Dirt is another matter...

The Challenger is a family car. It's just a two-door Charger. It's for dads who announce to the whole living room (in an outdoor voice): "This half-time show is GAY!" But no one listened. The kids were on their iPads. Mom went to the bathroom and grandma can't hear anyway. So Dad waits about twelve measures and says it again.

Civic: How regular can you get? This is a car for banging Freshman behind the Dirt Mall. Here's what I don't get: Why does a car with independent rear suspension (good) still let a car under-steer so bad (bad).

This is the most Un-Subaru Subaru (Part 1). The SVX stands on the vanguard of unsung 90's cars. It's a flat-6, all wheel drive, low, sleek sports car... that was a commercial flop because in the 1990's Subarus were known, in America, as cars for people who ambushed you at Circuit City with petitions calling for "People Should Be Nice To Me."

This is a car for people who still want to use an Amiga computer. Go back and watch Part 1 if you didn't yet. As good as this car was, it never sold. Why would you buy this in 1992 when you could have a Corvette C4 for almost the same price? Because you have taste and you like your hot dogs with mustard and not ketchup.

This is the 7th generation, so it runs on the T230 platform with the Front-engine, Front-wheel-drive layout, using an engine similar to the one that powered the MR2 Spyder, which adds a certain poetry, since this ended up dying the same year as the MR2: In July 2004, poor sales forced Toyota to announce that the Celica and the MR2 would be discontinued in North America at the end of the 2005 model year. Of course, I'm not entirely sure its death is necessarily the fault of the car itself, so much as the economy surrounding it.

IT'S A CAR YOU CAN POOP IN! It's like getting to be your own live-in nurse! It's a car with an IMAX windshield and a college radio switchboard with a big-ass wheel attached. It's so big, you have to clear it with mission control first. Hell, it's so monolithic, the scientists from 2001 are still trying to figure out what this is and why it's here. Getting it started is like getting ready to go to the moon. All these buttons and controls, and your hands go here, and you have to press this or put your hands here. It's like trying to figure out where everything goes your first time. “Am I in yet? Are – are we bangin?"

The AE86 is the king of internet-window-shopping and message board fact battles. Raaaagh! FACT BATTLE

Weeaboo! Weeaboo! Weeaboo! Weeaboo!

Subaru finally made a WRX that looks normal and I feel like an overcast day. Subaru was always weird and full of problems. In their faults, they had individuality. Now the WRX looks like a Camry with a hood scoop. I haven't masturbated in a while. I'm going to need to do a utility-jerk if I want to get work done.

The LS400 wasn't meant to turn a profit, it was meant to draw people into the brand, to help establish the Lexus name in the marketplace. And...I mean, it worked, didn't it? Lexus quickly became the best-selling luxury nameplate in the U.S., establishing itself in the market in ways neither Mercedes nor BMW could match among your regular consumer. Even today, Lexus is a name that inspires notions of a farther-reaching legacy than it actually has. It sounds like old money when it's really noveau riche.

This 8th generation, B-body variant was resurrected from the dead in 1991 after being shelved in 1958. The Roadmaster of old was a classic of those gangster movies where fat guys with power ask when they can expect to be paid. But in 1991, the reintroduction got rid of the classic styling that made the Roadmaster such an icon in the first place. Hell, the 90s version introduced a fake wood grain finish, as if that lousy paneling would bring back nostalgia. It was like a faded hooker trying to recapture the glory days when she could charge $100 for a handjob and not get laughed out of the Cracker Barrel parking lot.

The Mazda NA Miata MX-5 debuted at the 1989 Chicago Auto Show, but it was manufactured in Hiroshima, because they've made it their mission to avoid any more bombs. It was conceived as a small roadster, and the first gen featured the 1.6 L straight four with DOHC. It sold 400,000 units from 1989-1997, which is pretty impressive when you consider that small roadsters were on the way out at the end it was released. The Alfa Romeo Spider was in production, but it was the only small roadster produced at a comparable volume, so the MX-5 filled a gaping hole in the market. In the first generation, this was a car for the kind of guy who uses the term “confirmed bachelor” to avoid addressing his sexuality in mixed company. But the Miata would grew to be the pre-cum of bro culture, with later generations serving as the full load. It was derivative of other roadsters, but that was part of its charm. It had a reverence for the classics but also an inflated sense of its own importance. It's the Kanye West of cars.

The end of an era. This is the last generation for the MR2. The story of the MR2 is the story of economical fun fighting to stay alive in a world constricted tighter each year by nanny-state safety regulations.

"A Prius is political correctness on wheels. We're in an age where it's impossible to tell the difference between someone who's genuinely offended and someone who's sarcastically ridiculing all the uptight, pearl-clutching, butt-plugged social justice warriors. It's all those moms who are unironically nodding in agreement when Chris Matthews goes on MSNBC and says it's “racist” to use the word “Chicago”. It's the same people who sign petitions to have the word “manhole” changed to “utility hole,” and use the term “metabolically challenged” to avoid offending dead people. A Prius is a peculiar kind of vehicle. It's for the Competitive Mom in everybody, the one who looks like she's simultaneously smelling a hot dump and wondering if she left the stove on. The official car of taking your shopping cart all the way back inside the Redner's instead of just using the cart station. Mom passes by the corkboard at the entrance, and wonders why the detectives haven't solved Gary Redner's murder yet."

"Drive a Grand National for long enough, and you'll find yourself in a fight outside a pub with a mustache in a 77 Chevette. But you'll win every time, because you have the righteousness of choice on your side. Maybe your left hook isn't as strong, and your haymaker isn't as wild, but dammit, you have taste. And that counts for something. An ass-kicking something. You bang like a champ because you don't know when the next time will be. And that kind of dedication means you'll never be un-bung again. Your Summit Girl will hate that she let you go, because she'll see you in a Grand National, and she'll say, “You know what? He's driving automatic, but that's a Man for All Seasons right there.” And she'll know, because she's dating a Lion In Winter. A feckless, limp-dicked, do-nothing shell of a man who doesn't know what to do with his free time in the NFL off season. It's everything right and good, and a little bit off, with the world. It's the bitter taste of a smoker's nicotine kiss, and the welcoming, cushiony pocket of her vagina. You're home now. You're slopping around in the primordial ooze. The Grand National loosens the pickle jar of human goodness. It takes you back to a past that's irretrievably but eternally present, just on the edges of your consciousness, like all good things. Capable of being called up on a drunken night. Because sometimes, you just get drunk, and sometimes you start thinking about where you come from, and sometimes you call your mom just to hear her voice. And when she asks why you called, you just say, “I have a missed call from you. But maybe it's old. My phone doesn't say.” You both know it's bull, but you both let it go, because you're a grown man, and you can't just say, “I needed to hear you, mom. I was in a Grand National today, and I can see it all. Stretched out in front of me like it happened yesterday. Playing Turtles In Time and drinking Juicy Juice out of a triangle-shaped hole you made with a can-opener ha

Honda again. The Si is all North America has. Yes, there's a Type-R coming... maybe. For now, this Civic Si stands as the gold standard by with all affordable sport economy cars measure themselves.

You want to know what "timeless" is? You want to know what a good car investment is? You want to know what an amazing interior feels like? Here's everything. Here's the first generation Acura NSX. The car that Honda didn't have to make, but did. Clarification: The PlayStation 1 was released in Japan in 1994 and 1995 in North America.