In what is revealed to be a commercial for the vegetable, two friends (Will Forte, Andy Samberg) discuss the death of an unnamed friend while taking large bites out of heads of lettuce. Written and filmed in November 2005 and originally cut from dress rehearsal of the Eva Longoria episode.

Chris Parnell and Samberg rhyme about The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, cupcakes, Mr. Pibb, Red Vines, Matthew Perry, and a host of other products. The short became a viral video online. Music produced by Jorma Taccone.

A Chuck Norris fan (Jason Sudeikis) sings a ballad for him with an accompanying music video. In this video, Chuck Norris is played by Andy Samberg. Also there are cameos of Jorma Taccone as a man being robbed and then punched by Chuck Norris, Fred Armisen as a man robbing a woman and Amy Poehler as the woman being robbed.

Joel (Fred Armisen) rambles endlessly about a restaurant he visited to his friend Liz (Kristen Wiig) at first, and becomes so involved in the story, he fails to notice that he is discovered by talent scouts (Bill Hader, Parnell), stars in a movie with Scarlett Johansson, becomes a national phenomenon and then loses it all when his movie flops at the box office. Brian Williams, MTV correspondent Gideon Yago, and Conan O'Brien also make cameos.

Two old friends from school (Forte, Steve Martin) meet up after years apart, greeting each other loudly while standing with their faces only an inch apart.

Natalie Portman is interviewed about her life and responds with a rap proving she is a "badass bitch", poking fun at her clean and intellectual image. She slaps Seth Meyers and throws a chair at Parnell. Samberg appears dressed as Flavor Flav. Music produced by Jorma Taccone and Asa Taccone, and mixed by Ben Lovett.

Meyers, Forte, and Samberg are on a lunch break and start to notice that each one has a doppelgänger nearby. After Meyers and Forte say that a large bum (Horatio Sanz) is Samberg's doppelgänger, they kill the real Samberg in an evil twin scenario.

In a frame story, Hader and Samberg pitch their new ultra low-budget Digital Short, Laser Cats! to SNL executive producer Lorne Michaels. In the Laser Cats! short itself (a short within a short), Hader and Samberg play the heroes Nitro and Admiral Spaceship in a post-nuclear war world in which cats can shoot lasers from their mouths and are used as weapons. They are saving the princess (Lindsay Lohan) from the evil Robotron (Will Forte). Rachel Dratch makes an appearance, disguising herself as the princess/Lohan. Jorma Taccone appears in the opening credits for Laser Cats! Fred Armisen also makes a cameo. Laser Cats! is shot in the SNL offices (this is done with intended obviousity, as the short is supposed to be "low-budget").

Friends in the early 1990s (Kenan Thompson, Forte, and Parnell) discuss the music video by pop stars Ariel (Andy Samberg) and Efrim (Tom Hanks), where we see the lyrics consist of constantly begging for their testicles not to be harmed, in a parody of Right Said Fred's "I'm Too Sexy" and C+C Music Factory's "Gonna Make You Sweat". Also, Fred Armisen plays the guitar player, Jorma Taccone appears as a backup dancer, and Amy Poehler and Maya Rudolph are women in the video.

An apparent suicide jumper (Samberg) is negotiated with by a man on a bullhorn (Forte). After a bit of dialogue, it is revealed that the "jumper" is safely on the ground and the man with the bullhorn is mere inches away from him. This is revealed to be a commercial for peyote.

Samberg asks factual questions of passers-by outside NBC Studios in the style of the Jay Leno bit Jaywalking, instead laughing off correct answers as false. John Lutz (a then writer for SNL) makes a cameo as a man walking that Andy ridicules.