My Brother, My Brother and Me

We back-ack-ack-ack-ack like a heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack. We’re sorry that we missed last week, but hey, distance makes the heart grow fonder. You want us so bad right now, don’t you? Well, then, have us. Suggested talking points: The Gregory Hines Calendar, LUDA, Snorgy, Lovescrooge, Silent Mike/Invisible Darlene, Sleep It, National Bath Safety Month, Pyrokinandre, Tell Me How to Touch You

It’s the McElroy Brothers’ debut on the Maximum Fun network! We think it serves as a fitting introduction, as it outs our enthusiasm for Power Rangers within, like, ninety-five seconds. Suggested talking points: A Brief Big Bad Beetleborgs Phase, The Muffet, Put a Ring Upon It, Urban Legends, On the Wings of Love, Offworlders, Pay it Inward, Corner-Cut Colonoscopy

If the focal points of this episode were represented in stock market terms, then you might want to sell your shares in “providing any legitimate wisdom or advice,” and buy up all the “taking cheap shots at Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2” that you can get your hands on. Suggested talking points: Scoop up the Bute, A Little Bit of Zatarain’s, Three Snorks, A Musical Mystery, Together/Alone, Grandpa Names, Through the Yarn, That Hudson Heat

In a weird twist, we’ve decided to spend time during this episode to actually provide our listeners with practical advice. You know, things you’ll use every day — like phone etiquette, or tips for naming your Chinchilla breeding business. Suggested talking points: The Sandiego Slip, Wizard Pizza, PCP Juice, Minus Tephen, Doing the Deed, Vine-Ripened, Chin Deep

This week’s episode may lack the level of sophistication you’ve become accustomed to from our humble internet radio program. We suggest you remove your cumberbund and monocle before listening, lest they rocket off of your body in an act of aristocratic defiance. Suggested talking points: Boot Knockin’, Getting Polyggy With It, Scales and Fins, Goldthwait’d, Beefin’, Making Number One, The Ol’ N.C. Sweet Potato, 4N

Hey, the internet: Will you be our Valentine? We’d be really, really great at it. We promise to shower you with gifts, by which we mean “give you this one podcast, right now, for free.” Trust us, that’s way better than a selection from Kay — precious jewelry tarnishes over time. Our wisdom does not. Suggested talking points: A visit from Vanessa Hudgens, Love DVDs, Businesstown, Hancock Goofs, Broodwife, William H. Macy in Cougarman and Gooseman, 214 It, Three Engagement Rings, Campfires and Baby Skin

In this monster of an episode, we discuss important topics that affect the lives of everyday Joes and Janes like yourself. Heck, it might also affect ordinary Toms, Dicks, Harrys, Lucys, Moniques and Reginalds, too. We don’t know. They haven’t heard it yet. Suggested talking points: Juju Magic, Elizabeth Shue’s Shoes, Occupied, Annual Compliments, Ladycats, Cheek Moustaches, Mini Marshmallow Justice, Justin Timberhorse

We hope you love unprecedentedly long episodes of podcasts, dearest friends, because that’s exactly what you’re getting — this here episode contains a plump 81 minutes of wisdom and joy. We also hope you love supporting extra-long advice podcasts, because it’s pledge week! We could really use a hand — after all, we ain’t heavy. We’re your brothers. Suggested talking points: Sexypants, Dragon Puberty, The Laws of Love, Ezekiel’s Next Top Sister Wife, B’Doodleykitten, Paul Reubens’ Dark Secret, The Thrill of the Chase, New Englandish

It’s part two of our two-part, extra-super-long, unreasonably-and-needlessly-hyphenated MaxFunDrive special. Come, join us as we share all the wisdom we have left in our bodies. Just kidding! Our advice glands are as productive as ever. These bad boys are just ripe for the draining. Suggested talking points: Ol’ Bub, Slaughterhouse Saturdays, Bible.com, The Crimson Tide, Pizzacrime, A Broken Hat, G’Day, Bus-Guy, A Goofus, The Permanent Wink, Sexy Proposal Time

On this week’s episode, we take a short victory lap for the successes and triumphs of the Maximum Fun Drive. Actually, we don’t take an actual lap, as we’re all pretty out of shape, and that would make for some pretty bad radio. Just know that when we talk about Tyra Banks as a Street Fighter, we’re doing so with victorious vim. Suggested talking points: Squatters’ rights, Love me like Jerry, George Lopez: The Chair, Eeney-Meeney, Veggiefriends, Cool.com, Eyebraushes, The Power of Love, Bathtub Broth

Hey! You’re back! We’re back too, though some of us are still weary with the rigors of travel. That won’t keep us from wisdoming you, though. We are going to wisdom you like you’ve never been wisdomed before. Suggested talking points: Moon Almighty, Gravbongin’, Blades of Grass, Ponybond, Blessing Power, GriffinSpaceJam.com, Stinkhands, ID4play

After two weeks of terrifying change, we’ve managed to get the show back on its regular schedule. Though our brief tryst with Tuesday was exciting, we know that there are some folks out there who need a booster shot of wisdom to start off their working week. Well, here you go, wisdom junkie. Suggested talking points: Hot Pocketism, Citizen of Jamaica, Wake and Cake, Deed to the Boathouse, Dad’s Rig, Bongotron 3000, Math Boner, Present Fight, No Rules Just Right, Tickle Prostitute

So, let’s get this out of the way from the get-go: It’s an odd episode. Justin’s rapping on death’s door, Travis is reading questions and Griffin is, as ever, high on peyote. We’re not saying you should skip it, but … well, let’s temper those expectations, shall we? Suggested talking points: A cameo from Tom Waits, Art Installations and Angel Tests, Straight Cos’, Danny/Joey/Ghost Alpaca, Full-Body Spanx, Khakis, Strategic Home Improvement Reserve

You guys have stuck with us through one year of monkeyshines, so we’ve decided to reward you with a very, very special episode. What makes it so special, you ask? Its remarkable averageness. It took weeks of careful calculations, but we’ve managed to put together a real middle-of-the-roader, with levels of mere adequacy that you’re likely not accustomed to. Suggested talking points: A Stein of Mayonnaise, Work It Day, Doppler Dating, Roy Halladay: Known Robot, Prodigy Balls, The Workout of Independence, Boice-Over Fartist, Soul in Your Bowl, Little 54

It’s MBMBaM’s first live show ever — and man, what a way to start our on-stage career! Not because we did a particularly good job, but because we very nearly talked about child pornography for a few minutes. We grabbed that bull right by the horns, and we stared at its eyes, and we said, “No, we probably shouldn’t talk about child pornography. That’s illegal.” Thanks to Jordan, Jesse Go for setting up such a special, intimate night, Dan Telfer for his special, intimate hosting, and every single person who came out to Second City for the show! You guys are, as ever, the cat’s ‘jamas.

We warn you: This particular episode is so chock-full of handy Easter tips, you’ll wish you could time travel back to yesterday or, rather, 364 days into the future, to a time where that kind of information would be even remotely relevant. Also, we briefly rap about Apollo Four-Forty. Suggested talking points: JC Chasez’ Hang Glider of Success, Robodope, Weddingmania, Wolf Blitzer is Made of Light, King of Computertown, Dudekisses, Sexy Egg Hunt

This episode of My Brother, My Brother and Me comes to you courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue. Also, courtesy of the Millwall Football Company, people who are naked all the time and an irrational anger towards science and God. Suggested talking points: Back-up Lover, Sex and Robotics, Potluck Contest, Nakedness, Food Babies, Soccer Wedding, Jim Charm, Mister Brad, Hug Safari

Hope you guys like Thor. We’re talking Thor. It’s basically all we’re about, now. Advice, and also Thor, and sometimes long-since-cancelled television crime dramas. But mostly, just the Thor, thanks. Suggested talking points: Loki Love, Willpower, Party Avoidance, PB Proboscis, Minigolf Kidnapping, Tantric Relief, C’mon and Graduate, Cold Case, Yabba-Dabba Divorced

We did another episode together in the same room, sitting on the same couch. We’re very sorry about the slight dip in sound quality that comes as a result, but we do not apologize for the weird, weird things we say due to our proximity. See you guys at Pasta Party 2012! Suggested talking points: Destination Wedding, Ally McBathroom, A Frame for Fame, The Gym Ruiner, French Science/British Crime, The Pussycat Discography, The Book of Robots, Sister Sister, The Shrek Ending, Violet Bonergard

After recording in the comfort, safety and familiarity of our daddy’s house, we’ve returned once again to our respective Midwestern and Appalachian home bases. It’s sort of like that song “Take Me Home, Country Roads” only … um, in reverse. Suggested talking points: Kirk Cameron: Envoy to the Stars, GORP, Never Been Embraced, Candybeer, Crushed by a Yeti, Futureballs, Blanketarian, Where’s Falcone

Illness, fatigue and supernatural forces attempted to derail our regular recording schedule, but you know what? Ain’t nothing gonna break-a our podcasting stride. Nobody gonna hold us down. Oh no! We’ve got to keep on advising. Suggested talking points: High Seas Tutelage, Shooty’s, Seed and Sap, Paul Blart: Dark Knight, R.V. Double-Header, Higgs-Boson, Electro-Bryan, The Stupid 92, Sit and Spin, Restarting the Fire

Hey, you made it! We were getting worried. Some of the guys, they were like, “Oh, listener? They’re not gonna show.” And we were like, “No, man, you don’t know listener like we know listener. They’re good for it.” Suggested talking points: Phat Beach Con 2011, Kel’s Antics, High Art, Peterin’ Out, Normin’ Up, Twin Mayors of Birthday Town, Megatoots, Another First Kiss, Verne Troyer Awareness

More real. More talk. More live. We took to the stage at the Cincinnati Shakespeare Company — which is in Cincinnati, you might have guessed — to do our second live show ever. Come, share in the yuks! Also, the animosity.

We’ve wished our father a Happy Father’s Day the only way we know how: By making him proud of the things we say in our audio podcast. We probably should have asked him whether discussions about Hitler’s ghost are the kind of thing that made him proud.

There are a lot of important, history-making events going on around this big, blue world of ours, and we’ll be entirely damned if we’re going to talk about any of them. No, instead we’re talking about much more topical things, like if the Matrix is real. Suggested talking points: Steaker’s Dozen, Slarshed and Dumpst’, Not Like This, Electric Neil, Love and Dentistry, The Cap’n and The Gorilla, Hip-Hop Steamboat, President Haggar

Instead of accepting and moving on from the fact that we missed last week’s show to celebrate our freedom and heritage, we’re just going to make-pretend that it’s still last week. Which we’re going to have to do every week until the end of time, we guess. We’re not big on exit strategies, here. Suggested talking points: The Zookeeper Collapse, Virginity Bandz, Malldate, Carrot Top Canary, Earth Girls are Easy and Deeply Submerged, Yu-Gi-Oh-Yeah, Stankadank, Cake Boss: The Dog

Do you guys remember the day the music died? We certainly do, because that day was last week, and also because we have super good memories. We’re all up on that Ginkgo Biloba tip. Suggested talking points: The Meaning of Creed, Dale Carnegie Jr., Skin Adjacent, References, E.E. Cummings Pie, Rumping, The Cat Talk, Sandwich 2.0

We took a brief breather from our tightly-regimented schedule of collecting Archie backissues and stalking Jon Favreau around the San Diego Comic-Con showfloor to break you off a slice of wisdom. Come, throw on your Spike Spiegel costume, and let’s get this party started. Suggested talking points: The Fattest Doctor Who, Chlamydia Day, He Who Shall Not Be Invited, Cooking, Space Camp, Quantum Leap 2, Creepin’

Let’s beat that summer heat together, friends, by staying out of the sun’s angry rays, and staying in the cool comfort of our loving advice. Come on in, partner. We’ve got central air, and ice-cold Diet Pepsis. Suggested talking points: HTMLOL, Dracula’s Quiznos, Best Friend’s Girl, Sloppy Rhino, S&M Cult, Eleven Keyboards, Two Sunsets, Bustin’

Unless this show ends up going on until the end of recorded time, this, our 66th episode, is likely to be our most satanic installment ever. We heard from this cool dude we met at our local incense store that if you play it backwards, you can hear all kinds of secret, totally psychedelic messages. Suggested talking points: Bad Investments, Dream Spelunking, Dorm Warden, Looking at a Picture of Tracy Chapman, Mark Twain’s Latest, Mighty Max Hash, Cool Urinal, Love Lawyers, The New Lunchbox

Look: You’re here, we’re here, let’s just get this thing done. Just a quick and dirty episode, fired straight from the hip, like guns are sometimes fired. By cowboys. Really, really hasty and inaccurate cowboys. Suggested talking points: Gorto: The Enormous Man, Jackback and Vid Kid, Fleetwood Maxx, Horse’s Heatguts, Couchsurfing, Belly Shirts, Sam Elliott’s Moustache, Cinco de Lovemaking, Spanking Party

We realize that today’s going to be fairly rough on the more youthful portion of our audience, as they’ll be forced to march back to the confines of their educational prisons for nine more brutal months. We feel you, friends — and that’s why this week’s episode is geared to help you deal with your back-to-school anguish. Suggested talking points: Get Fit, Chess Team Cabal, The Dean’s Couch, Cello Man, Dumb Things Justin Did in College, Figure 8, Kiss Flower, Seven Stars, Sexual Ed, Cursing Cursive

We’re coming to you live (see: pre-recorded) from the Pacific Northwest, talking about all the important issues that saturate the worry centers of your brain. Like, for instance, are we having a pleasant time in the Pacific Northwest? How is its temperate climate treating our sensibilities? What’s up with the Puget Sound, you guys? Suggested talking points: Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs, An Olyphant’s Faithful 100 Percent, Funnel Cloud Coitus, Skittles and Romance, Screaming Brain, Rubberbaby, The Taking Tree, 4th President, Legs and How to Use Them

We hope you guys share our rampant fervor for Emmy season, because it’s basically all we’re talking about on this week’s episode. Actually, we start out the episode talking about it for like two minutes, and then never return to it again, which is kind of par for the course. Suggested talking points: Nuclear Family, Lonely Dew, Recovery Sandwich, The Bounty Hunter, Expectorate, Cat in a Hat with a Hat, Ambiguous Boyfriend, A Lonely Year, Skinny Driving

We come to a consensus pretty late in this week’s episode that it is, against all odds, our yuckiest hour of programming to date. We suggest listening to it in a warm bath, so’s all the yuckiness from our mouth-words washes off instantantly. Suggested talking points: Hug Your Hound, Zune of Love, BBFFE, Bonejockeys, Doctor Llama, Babypolice, Wyngz, Roommate Date, What a Love, The Road, Destineeeeeeeee, Superman

This week’s episode is all about fresh experiences, like Travis’ new horrible segment, or the first Pumpkin Spice Latte after a year of not drinking Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Out with the old, in with the new! (Actually, we’re keeping the old.) Suggested talking points: Pumpkin Spice Latte, Open the Briefcase, Stoneymoon, Extraordinary Accent, Sad Libs, Jerk-It Sheath, Bounce O’ Clock, Get Busy Living Together

On this day 18 years ago, the world of broadcasting was changed forever by the debut of one of television’s finest programs: Boy Meets World. Today, My Brother, My Brother and Me does its part to keep the fires of Cory, Topanga and Shawn alive and roaring. Suggested talking points: Boy Meets World, Plus Zero, Greed of the Magi, Jerkin’ Abbey, Almost Perfect, Homeless Delights, Scrotoshop, Taste My Steel, SMG Smooch

Is your body prepared for the ravages of cold and flu season? Are you all stocked up on vitamins B, C, E and J? If not, you need to listen to this episode — it has all the nutrients your body craves. Suggested talking points: Contagion, Ectoplasm, Pants Music, Sexy Cops, Bruceaphobia, Tech Wizard, No Phone, 12 Angry Feet

We were on a pretty tight timetable to get this particular episode out, so it may not be the feature-length epic you’ve been hoping for. Don’t blame us, blame the terrorists. (Also, the gourds.) Suggested talking points: Party Pupa, Homeschooled, Jeans-Vault, Gundammit, Grandpa Cop, Firework, Crocoswine

We’d like to take some time in this episode to apologize for all the straight-up erroneous garbage we’ve spouted in our previous dispatches. Of course, our apologies aren’t comprehensive — that would take the full hour — but we come as close as we can manage. Suggested talking points: Fill in the Gaga, Raspberry Fizzlespritz, Choddler Boyfriend, Genuine Bieber Fur, Toker Grace, Sad Libs Two, Manicurious, Skittlenips, Frank Lloyd Dirty Boi, Ghostly Doorknob

Just one short week — well, okay, one normal-sized week — stands between us and Halloween. Are you ready, dear listeners? Have you assembled your costume? Planned your event calendar? Candied your corn? Don’t worry if you’ve fallen behind; we’ve got some tips for the stragglers. Suggested talking points: Halloween Prep, Pay it Forward, Gossip Boy, Dracula: The Gun, Nailfreak, Family Ties, Prince’s Business, The Giamatti Test, Facekissbook

It’s our super special Halloween Spooktacular, and you know what that means: We quickly forget that it’s Halloween, and start going off on tangents about high school boners and how cool Randy Jackson’s eyewear is. Pretty spooky, right? Suggested talking points: Dogg Pound, Hearse, Ingratia, Clownfish, The Fight Club Heist, Engorged, Cat-calling, Moving Like Jagger, The King of Dead

This week, the McElroy brothers are celebrating their own birthdays. All three of them. They were all born on the same day, because their parents would never do something so cruel as to leave one of them out of shared birthday festivities. Suggested talking points: Birthdaze, Trivia Stragglers, Itchy Secrets, Lump Sums, Heart’s Desire, Five Minutes of Seaman Humor, Purest Truesilver, Goof Ya to Sleep

This week’s episode is a little late, because Griffin spent all weekend in New Orleans. On the plus side, he speaks with a cajun accent the whole time! On the minus side: It is incredibly offensive to everyone. Suggested talking points: Creepin’, Vitamin Caddy, Heartpool, Infected City, Arcade Fire of 1972, Dovahkiin, My Gushers, Yellowcard

Happy week of Thanksgiving, everyone! In this episode, we discuss the many, many things on this Earth we’re grateful for, and offend the Pat Morita estate within the first 90 seconds or so. It’s a holiday show the whole family can enjoy, assuming they are bad people. Suggested talking points: Sweet Potato Protocol, Five Years of Lovin’, Sexy Kickball, Man vs. Sadness, Washing Off the Night, Risk/Reward, Before Twilight, Turbacon, On a Good Day

We’re trying awfully hard to hitch our caboose of comedy to the engine of holiday cheer, but it’s pretty difficult to do so when the world’s events try to bring us down at every turn. Today, we mourn the falling of a political titan. Join us. Suggested talking points: Cain Train, Shorty, Aggro-Sexual Art, Bite the Rose David, Teeeeens, Instructions for Salvation, The Long Hoard, Gender-based movies, Podtraxx, MADDAFCS

We’re live in Austin for the first part of our two-show comedy extravaganza. As it turns out, everything is bigger in Texas, and boy, does that include shame. Come, listen to our ill-conceived goofs and monkeyshines.

It’s the second part of our recent live show double header in Austin, Texas. Don’t feel compelled to skip it if you already listened to the last one! It’s got entirely different questions, and also, we get significantly more tore-up on three-dollar Walgreens booze.

It’s our second annual Candlenights special, and you know that means! Actually, you might not, since it’s only the second time we’ve done it. Oh, well, it means that we go the whole episode without dropping any profane language, so you can share it with the innocent, nubile ears of your family. Also, you shouldn’t say “nubile ears” in front of them, because that’s kind of profane. Suggested talking points: Raspberry Pillow, The Long Con, Santa Baby, Trampires, 1 P.E., Christmas Conspiracy, Forever Lazy, Mistlesmooch, Measure Your Year in Gifts, The Briefness, Unwanted Twilight, Cat Buglary