This week: Yes everyone, it's time to find out what things went in what holes for reasons no one can fathom, as well as probably the most baffling Goatwatch conclusion we've had since we started watching Gävle for the holidays ...

This week: The party doesn't stop on New Years Day! Why not spice it up with a little nude breaking and entering? Also this week, the worst way anyone has ever attempted to get out of jury duty and somebody done gone swimming in the Bass Pro Shop aquarium again ...

This week: There's going back to the scene of the crime, and then there's going back of the scene of the crime to do the same crime again! Also this week, what happens when your horrible pick up lines result in federal charges and when the boss says "go fill the skid loader with gas" they don't mean "go joust against the police in a Home Depot parking lot" ...

This week: You ever get so bored you go out and tape a fish to every single ATM in town? Also this week, maybe don't call in a bomb threat on a phone you just found in the Walmart bathroom and watching porn in a Waffle House parking lot leads to a robber getting scattered, smothered, covered, and busted ...

This week: If you're gonna steal a car, maybe don't snag the one that's behind two inches of tempered glass. Also this week, who knew you could rob a bank just by asking nicely and if you say "bomb" on the plane then as a treat you get to see some F18's really up close ...

This week: Want to buy a brand new Porsche in Florida? Just make a cashier's check in Photoshop, nobody cares! Also this week, threatening to commit a felony against your ex just because she turned off your Netflix password and the latest in customer advocacy: driving back to the store in a freaking tank!

This week: Ever wanted to just give up and drive into the ocean? One man did! Also this week, an indecency suspect finds that lube is also great for escaping handcuffs and one cop's epic gun battle against a single acorn ...

This week: Recycling is a great idea, but when it comes to recycling Valentine's gifts from someone else's lawn it's less great. Also this week, maybe calling the cops to investigate a burglary at your criminal base of operations is a bad call, and if you're gonna steal a car, why not steal ten Corvettes at the same time?

This week: If at first you completely fail to con a car dealership out of millions, try try again! Also this week, we discover how competitive Christmas tree tossing can get you tossed off of a disability scam, and maybe if your current boyfriend wants you to graffiti his ex's police car you should look for a new boyfriend ...

This week: Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is 14 counts of arson for setting your apartment bathroom on fire. Also this week, a man trying to steal a self-driving car doesn't understand that he's already failed and how to ensure you'll never ever get to rent a car for the rest of your life ...

This week: Did you think all those town council meeting on "Parks and Rec" were made up? Not exactly. Also there are some things you should leave to the professionals ... like arson! And all it takes is a car and some recreational substances to become Bad Driver Batman ...

This week: Do you really need to impersonate a federal officer just to harass a Waffle House? Also this week, just because you swore to tell the whole truth doesn't mean you have to tell the WHOLE truth and if you're going to ride around with an entire pharmacy in your trunk maybe practice a little defensive driving ...

This week: A man tries to stowaway on a flight by trying to steal a little girl's seat just so he wouldn't have to fly standby, a gaggle of tow truck drivers have an all out brawl at the McDonald's and if you love weird stuff going in wrong holes we have a helluva show for you ...

This week: Monkey gangs in Thailand lead to police crackdowns and arrests (you heard me), a FedEx driver makes a special delivery to one customer's living room the hard way, and "volunteer firefighter" doesn't mean "owns your own garden hose" and "gets to call dibs" ...

This week: How is it that not only do we have another 9 year old stealing a car, but this time it's actually for a reason that makes sense? Also this week, we give you a reason to never drink from a fountain again and if you're going to fake your death, maybe "to get out of child support" is a bad reason ...

This week: Usually when you rob a museum, you don't actually take the museum with you. Also this week, a tow truck tries to cut out the "parking" part of the operation and a police chase almost turns into a Thelma and Louise reboot ...

This week: Hey, what could possibly be suspicious about a lottery ticket that's been taped together? Also trying to flag down help by shooting a gun on the side of the road is surprisingly ineffective, and pulling baby bears out of trees for a selfie: what could go wrong?

This week: the cat came back the very next day ... because they accidentally shipped it to Amazon! Also this week, if you're going to be driving contraband you should probably know how the passing lane works and how do you file a noise complaint on a billion cicadas?

This week: Linkara joins us for a monster in a child's closet turning out to be fifty thousand bees, we find our just how good the cell service is inside the human colon and "going green" doesn't mean driving away from the scene of an accident with a tree lodged in your truck ...

This week: Tractors are great for many tasks, but they're not very good precision murder weapons. Also this week, a panda exhibit at a Chinese zoo seems a little bit off and I don't think the Curse of the Bambino involved a forklift ...

This week: One crook on the run ends up both bounty hunted and Bounty-soft, why gasoline is strictly an "outside" toy and if everybody jumped in the lake, would oh wait yup I guess you would ...

This week: stealing flowers from graves is one thing, but trying to go on the run over it? Also this week, when you punch an old man and he takes your picture it's not because he thinks you're cute, and good lord son, if you burn down the Krispy Kreme at least have a REASON ...

This week: One man somehow finds the time to make twelve THOUSAND harassing phone calls to Congress, a teacher is irritated that his fifth grade class didn't appreciate his "slave auction" demonstration and the story about North Korea's newest airborne weapon system might smell a little funny, but it's for real ...

This week: Does a Phish fan smoke in the woods? No, but they do in the Sphere! Also this week, new and illegal uses for a Stanley cup and when you stage a surprise mock shooting with real gunfire at a bunch of teens "It's just a prank bro" won't cut it, officer ...

This week: When face with spicy ramen, the nation of Denmark announces they can't hang. Also this week, we find out just how many lewd acts you can perform in a Kroger before you get your badge and gun taken away and if you leave your unlocked Lamborghini in an airport parking lot with the keys inside, was it really stolen?

This week: If you break into an unlocked bank and don't find anything to steal, does it make a sound? Also this week, we find the one guy left on earth who hasn't put his phone on vibrate (and so do the cops), and parkour YouTubers make history by destroying some of it ...

This week: Two all beef patties? How about a naked lady putting two all red bricks through a McDonald's window? Also this week, the scientists have given robots flesh and you know they ain't making Terminators, and one woman steals a government relief check and puts it right into her butt. No, not like that.

This week: Want to get your kids a Happy Meal? Why not a lecture on emotional stability instead? Also this week, the case of "Encyclopedia Brown and the Make-Believe Baby" (with real jail time) and it turns out AI can be just as bad as figuring out a construction site as we are ...

This week: A man tries to board a flight with a nice Hawaiian pineapple (grenade), what happens when you find out just exactly what your high school teacher thinks of you and I've heard of asking a flight attendant for a quick bite but this is ridiculous ...

This week: We got a bandit with a pair of underwear on his head (yes, again), a chicken finger emergency so dire it called for twice the speed limit and when a case of the munchies comes with a side of hot felonies ...

This week: Crowdstrike wrecked computers around the world, but they have the solution: a $10 Uber Eats coupon! Also this week, a boss at a Chipoltle tries some employee motivation by way of Smith and Wesson, and when you do repairs at a certain Toronto high rise you bring an umbrella ... but not for the rain.

This week: Ever wish you could make all the customers go away? One guy tried to make his dream come true, with fire! Also why you should probably check if it's legal to post your political signs before you try to get vengence when they disappear and a 100 person brawl at a funeral? It's more likely than you think!

This week: If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump wait yup there he goes. Also this week, a man potentially ruins some ancient protected cave paintings but don't worry, he put them on Instagram! And if you're siphoning gas while smoking a cigarette and don't know what the likely outcome is, well you will soon ...

This week: A tech conference takes "objectification of women" literally to a fault, what could have been a new superhero is sidelined by a poor grasp of exchange rates and get ready to meet Nathan Patterson, Undisclosed United States Marshal ...

This week: We find out what happens when you try to disguise contraband as a watermelon if you've never seen one before, a man goes so far to slander a business as to accidentally start his OWN business, and it's nice to do anything for your kids but maybe not throwing hands on someone else's kid ...

This week: Sometimes, being a local celebrity is more a curse than a blessing, especially when you should have used toilet paper. Also this week, a Florida doctor demonstrates that an MD doesn't translate to good judgement and a Greek woman's plan to flirt with firefighters goes up in smoke ...

This week: Why sneaking a Wi-Fi router onto your Navy warship to check sports scores might be bad, a semi trailer learns how to pop a wheelie and baffle the world and if you're going to try to run over a cop car in a monster truck, make sure it's more of a monster than a Ford Bronco ...

This week: would you drive thirty miles for a frappuccino? What if you were eight years old? Also we discover why you don't just dump pool cleaning chemicals in the trash and a crook who tried to escape from his own trial only to get re-captured by the jurors ...

This week: How does the same shrimp boat hit the same bridge twice? Only in Florida! Also this week, if you're going to steal a Corvette it's probably a good idea to know how to actually get out of it, and a pair of joyriders steal that most agile of all vehicles: a subway train!

This week: A dockworkers strike causes panic-buying of toilet paper, proving Americans don't know what "dockworker" means. Also this week, putting the "easy" in EasyJet and a man make a whole children's birthday party disappear by punching the magician ...

This week: If you're in a chase from the police at 3MPH, are you technically even really running away? Also this week, yet another "Kinder Surprise" in the keister and if a tow truck crashes into a tow truck being crashed into by another tow truck, who tows them?

This week: A county sheriff decides to handle a dispute with Burger King by calling in his own deputies, hackers cause robo-vacuums across the country to start yelling slurs and high and naked with a stolen chainsaw is no way to go through life, son ...

This week: Bees and fire: two great tastes that end up getting you arrested! Also this week, maybe take off your Nazi uniform before you go out to Applebee's and if you think getting hit with a blue shell is bad wait until you get stuck behind this hearse ...

This week: A guy was so drunk he didn't know which country he was in ... literally! Also this week, solving neighborly disputes with giant lude murals and just because it's called the House of Commons doesn't mean you can just barge on in ...

It's time one again for the best of the worst of this year's "sexy" costumes! Why did the lord curse me with eyeballs?!

This week: In this house, we skin muppets! Also this week, just because you've given up on the fire doesn't mean the fire has given up on you, and stealing a plane to fly to Estonia: how hard can it be?

This week: Something Wicked this way comes! Wait, NOT LIKE THAT! Also a neon green Cybertruck makes a terrible Batmobile and even worse battering ram, and the tale of Johnny Somali, South Korea's "Golden Goblin" ...

This week: If you're going to pretend to be your mother for criminal purposes, come up with a better excuse than "Botox." Also this week, the new Trainspotting sequel looks really really stupid and pretending to be a bear to commit insurance fraud is not something to cheap out on ...

This week: Red Bull might not actually give you wings, but it can give you a real criminal record! Plus a priest in New York learns the hard way that you should always google a pop star before you let them film a video in your church (especially if they were on the Disney Channel) and a drug dealer discovers the hard way that maybe the man upstairs just doesn't like him in particular ...

This week: A Colorado man discovers that the way to deal with an angry elk is not to throw your coffee at it, why you probably shouldn't write all about your first foray into grand theft in your diary and just because you drive a Jeep does not mean you can plow through six feet of running water ...

This week: A man stole 2500 pies. That's as many as 250 tens, and that's terrible. Also this week, raising hell at Raising Caine's and carjacking is always a bad idea but it's a worse idea when you're naked ...

This week: Just because Santa can vanish down a chimney doesn't mean it's a great trick to escape the cops. Also this week, a misplaced decimal caused hundreds of black plastic spatulas to end up in the trash and if you're going to set an airport on fire maybe don't be inside when you do it ...

This week: Baby Jesus gets kidnapped and then returned with an apology note, lasagna is a poor medium for smuggling contraband and if you're the LA Deputy Mayor in charge of public safety you probably shouldn't call in a bomb threat ...