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Season 2017
Hey millennials! Oh so you really prefer the new Ewok song from the end of Jedi more than the original. Is that so? Well... I hope you also prefer... my fists! *(springs to attack, trips, impales self on unfinished B-Wing model)*
Hey millennials! Oh so you really prefer the new Ewok song from the end of Jedi more than the original. Is that so? Well... I hope you also prefer... my fists! *(springs to attack, trips, impales self on unfinished B-Wing model)*
When I first told my wife that I loved her she replied: "... Really?"
When I asked her to marry me she replied: "What is this? What's happening?"
It's been a magical nine years.
When I first told my wife that I loved her she replied: "... Really?"
When I asked her to marry me she replied: "What is this? What's happening?"
It's been a magical nine years.
The medical advice given during this program is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always
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The medical advice given during this program is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health care provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and before undertaking a new health care regimen, and never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you heard these idiots say on an internet comedy show.
If I ever get sent to prison I'm just gonna save everybody a lot of time and effort and knock out all of my teeth before I go in. First impressions are important.
If I ever get sent to prison I'm just gonna save everybody a lot of time and effort and knock out all of my teeth before I go in. First impressions are important.
The state of our crumbling society reminds of a tale that ends with the destruction of the modern world. After he ate one too many Japanese-American fusion hot doggus, there was a poop
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The state of our crumbling society reminds of a tale that ends with the destruction of the modern world. After he ate one too many Japanese-American fusion hot doggus, there was a poop explosion so intense that beings on worlds quadrillions of light years away could see and smell the destruction. Utter catastrophe, I say.
I had Pogs. I played with Pogs. I still don't understand. What the hell was the point of Pogs?
I had Pogs. I played with Pogs. I still don't understand. What the hell was the point of Pogs?
Don't you all miss the glory days of sitcoms? With their laugh-tracks and wacky misunderstandings and people dating within their own race and women being hilariously threatened with physical violence. Simpler times.
Don't you all miss the glory days of sitcoms? With their laugh-tracks and wacky misunderstandings and people dating within their own race and women being hilariously threatened with physical violence. Simpler times.
In honor of Black History Month, we have decided to allow Jacob, our tannest staffer, to pick any one item from the box of outdated merch collecting dust in the corner of our office.
In honor of Black History Month, we have decided to allow Jacob, our tannest staffer, to pick any one item from the box of outdated merch collecting dust in the corner of our office.
As a true fan of the art of puppetry, I find the sexualization of The Muppets in this week's episode very offensive. But if I had to bang one of them it would probably be that new lazy-eyed pig. Or Gonzo's chicken.
As a true fan of the art of puppetry, I find the sexualization of The Muppets in this week's episode very offensive. But if I had to bang one of them it would probably be that new lazy-eyed pig. Or Gonzo's chicken.
So it's called "porn-oh? Am I pronouncing that properly? And you say it's movies on the internet of people engaging in various sexual acts? Hmm. Someday I will have to seek out one of these films. They sound fascinating.
So it's called "porn-oh? Am I pronouncing that properly? And you say it's movies on the internet of people engaging in various sexual acts? Hmm. Someday I will have to seek out one of these films. They sound fascinating.
"In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and - SNAP - the job's a game!""But Mary Poppins, we don't want to go pick up hash from your bloody dealer again!""Spit-spot, children!"
"In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and - SNAP - the job's a game!""But Mary Poppins, we don't want to go pick up hash from your bloody dealer again!""Spit-spot, children!"
Gosh, Burnie sure is funny, right guys? Man oh man. Pretty easy on the eyes, too! Boy, I bet he's hung like a god-damn rhino! But, you know, like a really gentle and considerate lover
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Gosh, Burnie sure is funny, right guys? Man oh man. Pretty easy on the eyes, too! Boy, I bet he's hung like a god-damn rhino! But, you know, like a really gentle and considerate lover too. Yup. Sure is nice having him out here in LA. Yessiree.... Is he gone?
Wishing Lawrence a fun and safe spring break at stunt school, where he is no doubt currently lying unconscious covered in Jäger puke on a pile of shattered breakaway chairs.
Wishing Lawrence a fun and safe spring break at stunt school, where he is no doubt currently lying unconscious covered in Jäger puke on a pile of shattered breakaway chairs.
Dear Mr. Sonntag,While we appreciate your continued interest in joining our development team, we must remind you, once again, that our company has a strict No Inter-species Full
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Dear Mr. Sonntag,While we appreciate your continued interest in joining our development team, we must remind you, once again, that our company has a strict No Inter-species Full Penetration policy for all of our games. Also, one of our executives was fired by HR after unknowingly opening the envelope containing your crudely drawn, yet highly graphic, storyboards in front of her staff. Any future submissions will be turned over, unopened, to the proper authorities.Sincerely, Electronic Arts Inc.
I used to spend my spring breaks babysitting my younger cousins for almost no money. Their friends would bully me about my ponytail and man-boobs before riding off on their roller-blades
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I used to spend my spring breaks babysitting my younger cousins for almost no money. Their friends would bully me about my ponytail and man-boobs before riding off on their roller-blades to smoke spent cigarette butts behind the Circle-K. But I guess Cancun is cool too.
Unfortunately for young Jacob, the only Zelda game we'll be making is one about a poor baby boy who was abducted by dolphins and has been forced to live among them, never to see human
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Unfortunately for young Jacob, the only Zelda game we'll be making is one about a poor baby boy who was abducted by dolphins and has been forced to live among them, never to see human civilization ever again. Those dolphins are also the Triforce or whatever.
In twenty-five years, people are going to be digging up a lot of stupid time-capsules full of La Croix cans, vape pens, hoverboards, and pictures of that goddamn dead gorilla.
In twenty-five years, people are going to be digging up a lot of stupid time-capsules full of La Croix cans, vape pens, hoverboards, and pictures of that goddamn dead gorilla.
Who is this "Joel" person and why is he popping up in so many of our new videos? And why are they packing up my desk around me? And why is security here to escort me to my car? Why is my
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Who is this "Joel" person and why is he popping up in so many of our new videos? And why are they packing up my desk around me? And why is security here to escort me to my car? Why is my wife crying? When did I move back in with my parents? How much do they pay you for blood and semen? I have a pretty hefty amount of both.
My teenage years were less about mysterious deaths and romantic tension and more about avoiding eye contact and choosing which tee shirt to wear in the pool.
My teenage years were less about mysterious deaths and romantic tension and more about avoiding eye contact and choosing which tee shirt to wear in the pool.
George Lucas kicks in the office door, his face smeared with chocolate. Fragments of a giant lollipop are stuck to his flannel."Steve, Steve! I wanna help make Indiana Jones 5!""I don't
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George Lucas kicks in the office door, his face smeared with chocolate. Fragments of a giant lollipop are stuck to his flannel."Steve, Steve! I wanna help make Indiana Jones 5!""I don't know, George, I think I might want to handle this one alo-""So Indy's in this temple, and then a spaceship come down, and it's all 'brreeep-brrooop woooosh' and then these guys come out but they're like guys from the future and they're all like 'You took our thing!' and then some hippies show up and..."Steven Spielberg reaches, ever so slowly, for the pistol duct-taped under his desk.
I wouldn't mind being one of those "Official Bikini Inspectors". I see those shirts everywhere and those guys seem pretty happy. That's not a real job? Great. Next you'll tell me that all those "Freelance Gynecologists" are faking it too.
I wouldn't mind being one of those "Official Bikini Inspectors". I see those shirts everywhere and those guys seem pretty happy. That's not a real job? Great. Next you'll tell me that all those "Freelance Gynecologists" are faking it too.
The most famous person I've ever peed next to was the guy who played Rocky in my community college's production of The Rocky Horror Show. He said "Hi" to me and I got nervous and walked away without going.Yes. I've lived quite a life.
The most famous person I've ever peed next to was the guy who played Rocky in my community college's production of The Rocky Horror Show. He said "Hi" to me and I got nervous and walked away without going.Yes. I've lived quite a life.
"On three separate occasions, a research team spotted young male seals sexually coercing what appeared to be healthy penguins of unknown gender.All four known sexual incidents followed a
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"On three separate occasions, a research team spotted young male seals sexually coercing what appeared to be healthy penguins of unknown gender.All four known sexual incidents followed a common pattern. Each time a seal chased, captured and mounted the penguin. The seal then attempted copulation several times, lasting about five minutes each, with periods of rest in between.Male and female penguins mate via an opening called a cloaca, and the seals are thought to have actually penetrated the penguins in some of the acts, which were caught on film.In three of the four recorded incidents the seal let the penguin go. But on one of the more recent occasions, the seal killed and ate the penguin after trying to mate with it.The incidents are the only time pinnipeds, the group that includes seals, fur seals and sea-lions, have been known to have sex with an animal from a different biological class, in this case a mammal trying to have sex with a bird.The scientists can only speculate about why the seals are behaving this way."
SirLarr's Laws of Robotics: 1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.2. A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except
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SirLarr's Laws of Robotics: 1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.2. A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.3. A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.4. Only use water soluble lube.
I read that Marc Summers won't even eat a meal anymore unless his wife throws it all in a kiddie pool at the bottom of a slide.
I read that Marc Summers won't even eat a meal anymore unless his wife throws it all in a kiddie pool at the bottom of a slide.
When I was in high school my parents, worried about my self-esteem, bought me a book on magic tricks and sleight of hand. I never got really good at it but it did give people something
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When I was in high school my parents, worried about my self-esteem, bought me a book on magic tricks and sleight of hand. I never got really good at it but it did give people something to mock me for besides my ponytail and weight problem for a change.Ta daa.
This Fourth of July, we here at Funhaus would like to honor our brave men and women in uniform by mocking one of them for both his past service to our country and his chronic, life-threatening illness. "... from sea to shiiiiining seeaaaa!"
This Fourth of July, we here at Funhaus would like to honor our brave men and women in uniform by mocking one of them for both his past service to our country and his chronic, life-threatening illness. "... from sea to shiiiiining seeaaaa!"
Three days of RTX. Everything hurts. So much fun. So much booze. So many beautiful people. Did I mention the booze? Me brain no is working now okay much. Goodnight.
Three days of RTX. Everything hurts. So much fun. So much booze. So many beautiful people. Did I mention the booze? Me brain no is working now okay much. Goodnight.
The greatest twist would be for George R.R. Martin to hold a press conference about the series, reveal he has written the last two books, burn the only copies, flip both birds, then immediately give himself a fatal heart attack.
The greatest twist would be for George R.R. Martin to hold a press conference about the series, reveal he has written the last two books, burn the only copies, flip both birds, then immediately give himself a fatal heart attack.
Aaahh, first crushes. The summer breeze flowing through your hair. The awkward glances. The exhilarating charge as they graze your hand with theirs. The questions you've already
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Aaahh, first crushes. The summer breeze flowing through your hair. The awkward glances. The exhilarating charge as they graze your hand with theirs. The questions you've already answered. The boring stories they've told you a hundred god-damned times. The crying. The strange, almost comforting stony silence as you eat yet another in what seems to be an endless series of meals together. More crying. No, I wasn't flirting with that barista! I was just telling her how I like my coffee! What, can I not smile at another woman ever again?! Fine, go stay at your sister's!
Whenever I get wistful for my old college dorm days I'll just crack a warm Natty Ice, stalk a few women on MySpace, and masturbate under a blanket in a room full of people I hate.
Whenever I get wistful for my old college dorm days I'll just crack a warm Natty Ice, stalk a few women on MySpace, and masturbate under a blanket in a room full of people I hate.
To be honest, I was only 9 when the 90s ended, but does anybody remember Fruitopia? 'Twas the nectar of the gods, yet every time I speak of it, people become distant and abruptly end the
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To be honest, I was only 9 when the 90s ended, but does anybody remember Fruitopia? 'Twas the nectar of the gods, yet every time I speak of it, people become distant and abruptly end the conversation. Does nobody yearn for the divine taste of a cold "Strawberry Passion Awareness or a Raspberry Psychic Lemonade?
Hopefully by the time this video airs there will still be any kind of Korea. Or Guam. Or internet for that matter. I'm just gonna crawl into a 50's era refrigerator for the next few weeks. Enjoy the hilarity.
Hopefully by the time this video airs there will still be any kind of Korea. Or Guam. Or internet for that matter. I'm just gonna crawl into a 50's era refrigerator for the next few weeks. Enjoy the hilarity.
Uh oh. Rahul's back. Wait. Did you hear that? That was the sound of every female Funhaus fan ovulating simultaneously. Okay, fine. It was just me.
Uh oh. Rahul's back. Wait. Did you hear that? That was the sound of every female Funhaus fan ovulating simultaneously. Okay, fine. It was just me.
Whenever I work out, my favorite thing to listen to is the sound of my thighs scraping against one another coupled with my own pained wheezing and sobs. That or Kanye.
Whenever I work out, my favorite thing to listen to is the sound of my thighs scraping against one another coupled with my own pained wheezing and sobs. That or Kanye.
Anxiety over fleeting youth: Check.Preoccupation with my own mortality: Check.Depression over lack of accomplishments in life: Check.Expanding mid-section: Check.Inability to maintain
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Anxiety over fleeting youth: Check.Preoccupation with my own mortality: Check.Depression over lack of accomplishments in life: Check.Expanding mid-section: Check.Inability to maintain erection: Check.Unnecessarily flashy and expensive car: I still drive a total piece of sh*t. Phew. I was worried there for a second.
In accordance with YouTube's new content guidelines, I present to you the following description, free of all foul language, violent imagery, or erotic references:Hey... there. This
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In accordance with YouTube's new content guidelines, I present to you the following description, free of all foul language, violent imagery, or erotic references:Hey... there. This video... sure is... good? It is always amusing when.. people... do... and say... things that are... different. Sometimes to be absurd or... comical also. Watch this now please. I go. *(takes shot of absinthe, screams obscenities into Jacob's ear for an hour)*
Back in high school I hung around with the Swing Dancing clique.Okay, so it wasn't really a clique. It was a few guys and girls that liked to dance.Okay, it was mostly guys.All
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Back in high school I hung around with the Swing Dancing clique.Okay, so it wasn't really a clique. It was a few guys and girls that liked to dance.Okay, it was mostly guys.All guys.Okay, it was just me sitting by myself at lunch listening to big band music on my yellow Walkman Sport.
We heard you loud and clear, millennials. You wanted more jokes about mid-90's sitcoms starring middle-age white people that were watched almost exclusively by other middle-age white people. Well here you go. Happy now?
We heard you loud and clear, millennials. You wanted more jokes about mid-90's sitcoms starring middle-age white people that were watched almost exclusively by other middle-age white people. Well here you go. Happy now?
"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members
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"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their sto- Adam, stop eating that! Jesus. Leave some semen for the boys in the lab."
This episode has no summary.
This episode has no summary.
Out of respect for all of the people who have been victimized by Harvey Weinstein, we here at Funhaus have instituted a new policy that explicitly forbids any of our staff from beating
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Out of respect for all of the people who have been victimized by Harvey Weinstein, we here at Funhaus have instituted a new policy that explicitly forbids any of our staff from beating off into potted plants on company grounds. Well, everyone except Jon. It's all he has left.
An open letter to the joyless monsters who give out those little boxes of raisins to trick-or-treaters on Halloween:Knock it the hell off.Sincerely,People with a sense of decency.
An open letter to the joyless monsters who give out those little boxes of raisins to trick-or-treaters on Halloween:Knock it the hell off.Sincerely,People with a sense of decency.
Yae, 'tis true. We sip Surge from naught but the finest leaden crystal goblets whilst photo-shopping penises onto things. Now, if it please you, we must be going. The most sought after
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Yae, 'tis true. We sip Surge from naught but the finest leaden crystal goblets whilst photo-shopping penises onto things. Now, if it please you, we must be going. The most sought after milliner in all of Christendom has agreed to show us the latest in collapsible top-hats. Away!*(rides off on penny-farthing, develops gout)*
In my experience nothing cures a hangover faster than the sharp crack of a policeman's nightstick hitting you in the ribs after you've passed out in the bushes in front of your ex-girlfriends apartment again. That and Orange Pedialyte.
In my experience nothing cures a hangover faster than the sharp crack of a policeman's nightstick hitting you in the ribs after you've passed out in the bushes in front of your ex-girlfriends apartment again. That and Orange Pedialyte.
I always imagine that if a person of color ever tried to join Farmersonly.com, an alarm would sound a bunker somewhere and the entire staff would flee in terror as one brave man stayed
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I always imagine that if a person of color ever tried to join Farmersonly.com, an alarm would sound a bunker somewhere and the entire staff would flee in terror as one brave man stayed behind to blow up the servers like Bruce Willis at the end of Armageddon.
I guess if Mel Gibson can come back from years of racism, sexism, verbal abuse, Lethal Weapon 4, homophobia, and threats of physical violence, anything is possible.
I guess if Mel Gibson can come back from years of racism, sexism, verbal abuse, Lethal Weapon 4, homophobia, and threats of physical violence, anything is possible.
We've got a real Old Fashioned Funhaus Who-dun-it on our hands! Who will be revealed as the killer? Will it be Jacob? Or maybe Bruce. Or maybe me right now if Jon doesn't stop humming
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We've got a real Old Fashioned Funhaus Who-dun-it on our hands! Who will be revealed as the killer? Will it be Jacob? Or maybe Bruce. Or maybe me right now if Jon doesn't stop humming the god-damn theme song from The Suite Life of Zack and Cody in the bungalow.
Man, you millennials are so fragile. We didn't have all these stupid toy regulations in the 80's. Back when i was little, I drank the entire can of green stuff from my He-Man Evil Horde Slime Pit Playset and I am turn brain good no problem!
Man, you millennials are so fragile. We didn't have all these stupid toy regulations in the 80's. Back when i was little, I drank the entire can of green stuff from my He-Man Evil Horde Slime Pit Playset and I am turn brain good no problem!
T.V. Trivia Time!
Q: How many of Home Improvement's P.A.s did Jonathan Taylor Thomas impregnate during the show's eight seasons?
A: Trick question! The P.A.s were only there to get him
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T.V. Trivia Time!
Q: How many of Home Improvement's P.A.s did Jonathan Taylor Thomas impregnate during the show's eight seasons?
A: Trick question! The P.A.s were only there to get him started. JTT refused to bestow his seed upon anything lower than a costumer.
Bruce and I were truly beautiful to behold in our Ska days. Hair meticulously spiked towards the heavens, wallet chains longer than we were, and every shirt we owned looked like it was
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Bruce and I were truly beautiful to behold in our Ska days. Hair meticulously spiked towards the heavens, wallet chains longer than we were, and every shirt we owned looked like it was made out of a picnic blanket. I think there was some sort of music involved too.
You kids have fun with your Bitcoins and Ethereums or whatever. I'll continue to fund my horse erotica studio and human smuggling ring the old fashioned way.
You kids have fun with your Bitcoins and Ethereums or whatever. I'll continue to fund my horse erotica studio and human smuggling ring the old fashioned way.
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