Implicitly Pretentious

The Joker is about the story of Walking Pheonix, a gang leader from the future who was cryogenically frozen by John Spartan after a fatal last battle in a warehouse in Australia. Soon after waking up in the post apocalyptic future of 1997 Walking meets Bat-man a character resembling Leonardo Da Vinci's drawing ornithopter. They become best friends, until apes arrive and kidnap Bat-Man and remove his brain out with an ice cream scoop. Walking then has to fight his way off planet Earth with nothing but shoelaces and a rock, thankfully while hiding in a cave he discovers plutonium which allows him to create a nuclear powered rocket ship to escape the planet. But then Walking Phenoix discovers a secret blood mining operation by the American company EA, so he returns with a vengence, creating a new truce with the Apes (as they also don't like blood mining operations) and gather together to fight for the freedom for people not to have their blood mined.

Nebula is a popular background charcter from the Marvel Cinematic Universe, originally she was a popular companion from Doctor Who. But after two and a half seasons, the character was randomly written out of the show when she blinks and travels back in time to spend her days with Rory the racing car. But suddenly blue aliens arrive to abduct her called the Asari, they performed experiments on her using a showlace and some tin foil. Something, something and someone betrays someone eventualy Nebula becomes sisters with Uhura and has an adopted father in the form of Jonah Hex. Hex needs to find some magic beans to wipe out half of all life in the universe but is distracted when he starts working out in a gym, Nebula then tricks Hex by putting gasoline in his protein shake and then her and Uhura lives happily ever after on a planet with dancing teddy bears.

Captain America and Black Widow are popular Christmas characters known for their annual carols across alaska. Their friendship is famous for insanely platonic for two attractive people, which is in itself a big enough twist to make your ankle dislocate. Chicken tenders is rumoured to be a food that can build temporal bridges across space and time and a massive peice fell through a gap between universes, where Steve and Nat were having a sauna. I have once again run out of ideas as I am writing so I'm going to say the words gaga googoo poopoo doodoo, in hopes to sustain an epic conclusion to this completely accurate description.

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is an alternate history science fiction epic about time travel, where Cliff Boob a space man from Gallifrey arrived in an alternate 1960s where he must confront, C-KORD, a robot with robotic sausages for legs. After fighting on the roof of a church, Cliff smacks him with a deck chair shattering him into tiny peices. What happens now? Who knows?

Blade Runner 2049 is based on the true story of K a robot detective who has a loyal companion K9, a robotic dog who creates time vortex across time and space. After K discovers his love for jazz he abandons his job for the pursuit of love and his own Jazz night club, until one last job arrives to pull him back in. A mystery involving the death of a book writer; Ubnu Booboo DooGoo, the current suspect gnarlahuhd who is the bodyguard to Doouugbjj; an ancient race from the planet "fgfjfiy". Unfortunately the murderer was revealed to be K9 who zapped Ubnu in the balls so hard that his head exploded. K is then forced to shut down his former friend, but then discovered, life was alright if he had a Guinea Pig.

Loki is based on the true story of Pokey, a famous twitch streamer who was abdducted by aliens and sent to Mars for training for the Wars against the OPA. Then suddenly Pokey's brother Liam appears to save him moments before his execution, they travel through space and time together captuing Elephants and eating Pumpkins. Truly this is an emotional ride until out of nowhere a giant Ape appears and eats Liam. Pokey must avenge his brother by chasing this Ape back to his Ape house where his Ape kids lived. Pokey realises that even Apes have brothers, so he chooses not to attack the Ape and accepts that sometimes Apes get hungry.

Scarlet Witch is a chicken nugget from pluto who was played by the Olsen twins, who ironically then played the Twins twins from the twin planet of GooseBuup. Throughout the Infinity Saga, the Scarlet Witch is known for creating mods on Half Life 2, which trapped Captain America while he was trying to chill in the afternoon with his favorite game. Who would've known? And now Siri wants to destroy the world. Thanks Wanda, your little magic tricks has made the world go boom boom.

Captain America and Falcon are the dynamic duo of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. After being orphaned at an young age, Steve Rogers fell in a well and was attacked by a giant American flag, but in his fear, he discovered a new identity, he embodied his anxiety by becoming "Captain America". Every night Steve went out to scare the criminals of New York dressed as a big American flag, but one day while hanging out in a circus, he meets Sam Wilson. As the son of a pair of acrobats, Sam watched his parents fall to their deaths as a falcon flew into their faces as they were doing their sweet acrobatic moves in midday with no net. Seeing the similarity of this event, Steve adopted Sam and gave him the new creative will to develop a new identity; also as his biggest fear "The Falcon".

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Jojo!

Captain America and Bucky are based on the true story of Chris Evans and Sebastian Stan, two popular subjects of Ok magazine. They became best friends in the 1940s as Donald Duck took over Europe and a giant chicken crashed in the UN. Doodadooodoooaoodododododododododododo was his name. Chris and Seb ate the chicken and burped Doodadooodoooaoodododododododododododo as they had their fair share of blueberry pie before the night closed. I don't know anymore, this is atleast what I remembered when I saw these films.

Pepper Potts is based on the true story of Gwyneth Paltrow, a controversial actress who sells various alternative medicine products like stones that you put up your bum. After being married to Cliff Boob, Pepper was abducted by the Boob patrol where an army of weirdos wanted her to build an arsenal of weapons for them. She chose to secretly develop a massive Bum rock that allowed her slingshot her way out of the cave and back into western civilisation.

Hawkeye is based on the true story of Jeremy Renner, a man who was trapped on the island of Jumanji and after several seasons of flashbacks, he learned to become a master archer. Cow dung, human fecal matter and pieces of chicken, any object could be turned into a weapon and flung into anyone chasing him. Therefore, after returning to New York, Jeremy decided to adapt his experiances into a film called "Who let the Dogs out?". After the film became a commercial flop, Jeremy decided to become a mask vigilante in order to take his frustration on dudes with purple heads.

Played by Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes, Drax and Mantis are popular Marvel characters who sell mj at the front of a conveniance store on Exegol. After Dante and Randal kicked them out, Drax and Mantis chose to do their dealings in front of a McDonalds until they were dragged into an alien space confllict between the Moobees and the Doobees. Drax decides to break his silence and smokes the biggest joint in the cosmos and Mantis chooses to just chill out on a spaceship eating cheetos. All is well in the galaxy.

Thor and Loki are two mighty space guinea pigs from the planet gurgan 7, after they survived order 66, they flew away to escape with Obi One, a giant car with human arms. They hang out, play some Half-Life 2 and got frustrated at the puzzles but then suddenly a cow attacked them. With no weapons Thor lifted Loki up like a javelin and threw him into the heart of the wild cow. All is well, until Obi One farted and Loki coughed in disgust and everyone broke up and went their seperate ways from this schism.

Totally not April Fools.

Killmonger is a famous phone game created by the Russians to harvest your behavioural data and personality patterns. Once this was revealed ironically more people started downloading it once they discovered this.

Vision is a superhero who can shoot lasers out of his forehead and change his "density" whenever he wants, if you know what I mean. As a strange man with a red face his favourite personal hobbie is ironically body paint, and eating banana ice cream. One day while on a date with Elizabeth Olsen, he saw the moon transform into a giant banana, but this was no ordinary banana it was a giant warm slowly moving towards Earth and would arrive in 90 days. Using a missile, Charlie Sheen was able to calculate what force was needed to stop the Banana worm, Vision destroyed the missile before it could be launched because he secretly served the Banana Worm the whole time. The End.

It's your boy Thanos, famous rapper from the your local back alley selling mj to uni students. After being arrested for illegally producing Star Wars holiday special DVDs, Thanos planned his great revenge, to travel across the cosmos looking for magic beans. But hot on his tail was Chris Evans, the BBC radio breakfast host who shares the same name as the guy who played the human torch. As they searched each other and fought each other, they cornered each other on Pluto, with a microphone and a yellow oven mitt they had a dual which determined the future of all life. Who won? Who knows?

Rocket goes fwooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooosh, and suddenly goes booooooooooooooooom. What a fascinating science we all experience and fear everyday.

After being struck by lightning, Logan gained the powers of a powerful duck and can shoot purple beams out of his ears. And while on the run, Goofbooth, an ancient alien from space discovers a way to counter Logan's powers, the ability to receive purple lasers in his ears. Therefore, a dual is ignited between Logan and the Goofbooth over who is better at aiming their ears.

Your boy Spider-Man and Iron Man are buddies working at a zoo, when a Koala stole Spidey's banana and threw it at a rhino. When Iron Man went to get it, he was impaled and Spider-ma had to fit an ordinary rhino who so happened to look like Paul Giamatti. Thankfully Iron Man was not hurt, but because he now has an extra hole in his stomach, he now has to have two arc reactors on his body, which ruins his ability to wear shirts with logos.

Magneto is a local lumberjack living in rural Poland until Poo Dameron appears all blue faced up to recruit him for his gang, the Disco Murlocs. They decide to conquer the world with their dank fried chicken in a bucket.

This movie is sick yo. And it's been in my editor for like 6 months so I thought I should finish it, I'm also dipping my toes in making more review styled content, so we'll see.

Hulk is the alter ego of Jack, an ordinary man who works at a car insurance company, but suddenly after his apartment explodes he moves into a dirty old house where he eats chicken nuggets and watches old episodes of Mona the Vampire. Hulk and Jack then starts a male therapy group that deals with emotional impotence, by collectively watching episodes of Mona the Vampire

Watchmen is a collection of popuar branded characters that were formally from a respectable story by [redacted], but when the corporate owners thought they could milk them, they decided to have Rorschach become a mascot for animal shelters. Nite Owl an representative for positive Dad bod appreciation, Silk Spectre and the Comedian became mental health advocates for healhy familial relationships. Ozymandias became a world famous gym trainer, teaching young men how to get dem gains. Dr Manhatten conversely spends his time on twitter, scrolling through the infinite void of memories - forward and backwards in time if you will.

The Marvel Trinity are three bros from all across the cosmos selling nano-laced toilet paper which helps the Government track potential criminals by triangulating patterns in the way they wipe their bum - is it a suspicious circular direction? Or a confident up and down way?

Doctor Strange is a famous soundcloud rapper from Hell's Kitchen, but while wearing his gold chains he accidentally got pulled into another universe when a cosmic disco ball fell from the sky. After travelling across the cosmos Doctor Strange learned the most suprising secret of all, every single alien from outer-space speaks perfect english with an American accent no less.

Your boy Ant-Man is a robot from the planet googloff-9 serving under galactic leader Xenu. After travelling through a time vortex in a blue time machine, Ant-Man wakes up in America 2003 and teams up with Sugar Ray to fight Inspector Doofus, a robot chef from the future.

Foot on mine

This movie is awesome. And speaking of awesome, I discovered anal fissures are easily fixable through cream and avoiding constipation, I don't have it personally but I hope anyone that does can recover quickly, we're thinking of you and your anus.

Spider-Man is your friendly neighborhood pizza boy and part-time sound cloud rapper, until he met Spider Man a Chinese takeaway delivery boy and part-time travel vlogger. Does Spider-Man and Spider Man get along? They don't and engage in a fist fight on the roof of a seven eleven, until General Zod arrives to destroy Sears and various corporate sponsors. They team up to defeat him and ensure that Pete frm IHOP can get his pizza and chinese food to arrive on time

Black Panther is a king and in his spare time, he likes to grow a full-on beard in like 2 days. After his father died he ran away into the unknown and hung out with a meerkat and a warthog, while running away from the burden of the throne where he ate bugs and danced around. But then the murderer of his father takes the throne and plans to invade K'un-Lun. Black Panther and Iron Fist must team up to fight an army of chicken riding warriors called Jadooon boon.

Spider-Man is a fortnite streamer who recently got a six-figure contract with Sony to star on their new streaming service Dicky Wicky, but then Spider-Man discovered Spider Man, someone with a remarkably similar name on the rival Microsoft platform: Wicky Dicky.

James Rhoades is a famous podcaster who spends his time talking about the power of the Moose, but one day a man from the stars arrived before him. His name was Boose Moose, an alien with a body of a moose but the head of Jim Carrey, first Rhoades was surprised by this amazing being, but Boose Moose carried a warning with him 1x1=2. Jame's mind imploded by this discovery and from here on out he spends his life delivering this important mathematical revelation to the people of America.

Amazing Spider-Man is a circus daredevil who spends his time doing elaborate tricks with a yoyo. But then suddenly a giant chicken arrived at his house ordering him to surrender all his possessions, Amazing Spider-Man punched the chicken in the face and escaped, but the chicken was not having it and got in a car to chase him.

Star-Lord is a DJ who cruises in a giant yacht, but suddenly one day he finds the love of his life, Gamora, a dinosaur woman with a tommy gun. They team up to fight against her terrible father, Thobos, the mad king who is obsessed in the search for magic beans.

Steve and Peggy are a chain of coffee shops all across Alaska, where Pitbull peforms regularly. They hang out and all is good, but then a moose size of a planet came and decimated the land, where will people buy their coffee now?

Mary Jane was something Stan Lee was on all the time in 70s, in order to activate his imagination, because how else can you explain the creation of big purple dudes eating planets with his pal a surfer dude made of silver.

Superman Man of Tomorrow is about a man who enjoys thinking about tomorrow, so in that regard, he's like all of us; daydreaming about getting deadlines done, having some spare time and not worrying about getting an anal fissure from clenching too hard.

"Corporate America really"

Hawkeye and Black Widow are a pair of bakers at Glocuster who accidentally cause a member of the royal family to get diarrhea from eating a cornish pastie. After being on the run for a while, they both discover a tomb where a chicken the size of a building was hiding its golden eggs. They carry one out with the intent to sell them but the egg cracks open and out comes the chicken man.

Enjoy my awful voice acting.

Spider-Men is coming to an end, except for all the other Spider-Man videos coming in the future. I suppose time is relative and pew pew pew pew ow ow ow. I'm actually physically getting hurt and somehow I have the ability to still type everything here.

Great film, allow me to babble on about some theories and essays that I read about while sitting on the toilet and getting a dead leg from it.

Spider-Man Spider-Man, does whatever a Spider can, bababababababababa Spider-Man. Booba ba bing bang bing boom ba. Light it up like Dynamite.

Xavier is bald.

Miles Morales kicks your bum

Please accept me Nando V Movies

Sad piano music, trauma literature and dramatic pauses. I've come home.

Spider-Man in quotation marks.

Miles Morales is different from miles morales who is also different from mIles mOrales, but together they form Moose Morals, a magical robot with multi-coloured body parts. Together they fight the evil hordes of Guinea men who roam the cosmos with their powerful magic beans.

Prowler is a kind elderly man who eats pizza and hangs out with sock puppets in an abandoned theatre, but then a radioactive rat arrived and became his friend. Together they have an adventure through some magical rainforest, where canned soup grows on trees and tea bags are as bigs as Whales. Perhaps we all live in an abandoned theatre inside.

Imagine there's no heaven

Livin' on the edge, figthing crime