Give My Head Peace

The BBC decide to resurrect some of the local stars of television in the 1970s for a show entitled "Bring Back the Seventies!" It turns out that Ma was once a member of a hugely popular girl group called The Trufelles while Uncle Andy was Dandy Andy the presenter of a children's show called "Domper Stomper Do". Both former stars agree to take part in the televison programme: Ma because she is just dying to meet her old band mates who went on to fame fortune in America while she stayed at home to look after Da and her family; and Uncle Andy because he is trying to get over the horror of his last ever show when he killed the programme's pet rabbit with an empty vodka bottle. When they finally get to the studio however, it becomes clear that Ma is more determined to exact revenge from her former friends and that Uncle Andy is becoming increasing deranged...

Because the Republic of Ireland has banned smoking in pubs, Sammy, owner of The Kneebreakers, decides that because he is against everything the South is for, he will promote smoking in his pub. It's a no "no smoking" pub! Over in Divis Tower, Da is indulging in some cigarrettes himself but these are bought in bulk from Slava, a Russina Mafia boss and international smuggler. Sammy is less than delighted to discover that his smoking pub has become famous throughout the Republic and that The Kneebreakers is full of blokes in Celtic tops, singing "The Soldiers ' Song" and watching hurling! Still thanks to Da's cheap cigarettes he's making a mint out of his unwelcome customers...

Cal discovers he has a talent for writing advertising slogans thanks to all those years writing protest posters for Sinn Fein. His new found success sees him fall for an advertising executive called Charlotte and finally move out of Divis Towers into an apartment of his very own. But, let's face it, Cal and happiness don't stay in each other company for long! So when the wunderkind produces a slogan for the DUP so convincing that even Ma joins, you just know things are starting to go sour...

The stench coming from Uncle Andy's room finally gets too much for Billy and Dympna to bear and he is told to clean up or clear out. Andy refuses to mend his ways until Red Hand Luke demands back the toy "Clackers" he lent to Andy in 1975 and Uncle Andy has no choice but to sort out his room in order to find them. Da and Cal are searching too; for a statue of Saint Fingal to replace the one that Da broke. The unfortunate pair have to trek all the way to the Carpathian mountains to the Monastery of St Fingal to learn of the terrible fate that awaits Da should they fail to replace the statue...

Dympna suggests that Red Hand Luke seek out some "positive influences" in order to cure himself of his criminal tendencies. Fired up with the idea, Luke "persuades" Hugh Orde to appoint him as a new PSNI Constable. The trouble is, Luke is very big on the force part of law enforcement and soon it's not just the criminals who are afraid to walk the streets. Pretty soon, Billy and all the regular cops in the area are out of work and resorting to stripping in The Kneebreakers to earn a crust! Crime is on the agenda over in Divis Towers too; Ma has been mugged and is afraid to leave the house. She implores Da to sort out the mugger with some vigilante justice, but he declines and decides she'll just have to pay him back the money that was stolen instead. Seamy the Provo arrives with the news that a high profile American delegation on Human Rights is due to visit any day and that he'll be keeping an eye on Da to make sure he sticks to the party line that the Provos do not condone punshiment beatings. However, when Ma finds the mugger in her sitting room (turns out he's a member of Cal's gaelic team), it's not a great time for the yanks to visit...

Da discovers that life's not easy when you're a member of Sinn Fein. One minute you are chucked out of the movement for feeling up Bairbre de Brun and the next you're elected President of the Party unopposed. Of course the dramatic turnaround of the party bosses might have something to do with Da stumbling on the minutes of a meeting held in the seventies that Gerry doesn't want anybody to see. Meanwhile over in East Belfast, Uncle Andy, Big Mervyn and Sammy hit on a plan to burn down the Kneebreakers for the insurance money. The problem is a lack of insurance...

Red Hand Luke has a major falling out with his friend the mad, bad and dangerous to know, Pastor Begley. So when Begbie approaches Uncle Andy and Big Mervyn with a plan for a "surprise" birthday party for Luke (six months before the actual date!) alarm bells start to ring... Da's gets a surprise as well, when Ma comes back from marriage guidance classes and declares that she loves him and kisses him passionately. But will Da turn the other cheek when Ma totals his new X-Type Jaguar?

Dympna feels Billy is not paying her the attention she deserves. She then puts Ma's advice into action in an attempt to make things better. Only trouble is, this advice is to make Billy jealous. Things, of course, go wrong and she ends up getting attention from someone else. Meanwhile, Da heads off to Lough Derg on a pilgrimage but why is he taking a photograph of himself and Ma before he goes? He ends up in Las Vegas and in Ma's bad books as well. Ma has had enough, takes her own advice and ends up in bed with Uncle Andy. Is this the end for Ma and Da?

When Uncle Andy and Big Mervyn take to the airwaves with their new radio station, Loyalist FM, Dympna can't get a moment of peace. Deciding that drastic times call for drastic measures, she hits the streets in search of a job! Uncle Andy thinks all his Christmases have come at once when Dympna returns and announces that she has a fantastic new job selling "Pure Lagan Water" and that she has to move to Canada for two years. Billy is less than keen to leave his cushy job in the PSNI, but deciding that being with Dympna is more important he makes the ultimate sacrifice and becomes a Mountie! Uncle Andy is devastated at the news and tries every trick in the book (including feigning a heart attack!) to get his nephew to stay and continue to support him. Is this the end of life as we know it in Orange Terrace? It seems not - the entire thing has been a wind-up on the part of Dympna and Billy as they head off for a fortnight's holiday in Marbella!

Red Hand Luke launches a personal quest to find the "one true religion". His criteria is undemanding - his chosen faith must allow violence and drinking! As Luke careers wildly from being a Jew, to a Muslim, a Hare Krishna and then a Catholic bishop, Uncle Andy and Big Mervyn are in fear of not only their sanity but also of circumcision, head shaving, forced confessions, and sworn abstinence from alcohol as well! Over in West Belfast, Da is listening to Gerry Adams new tape "Befriend a Prod" and is dismissive of his leader until he learns there is £5,000 bounty for the person who signs up the first Protestant member of Sinn Fein...