Girls on Top

When ""decent, solid, frumpy"" women's rights crusader Amanda Ripley finally procures a flat in Chelsea, financial strain forces her to open her doors to Shelley DuPont, a self-obsessed American would-be actress with a big mouth but, to her credit, an equally big bank account. Also availing themselves of Amanda for a place to live are her slow-witted childhood friend Jennifer Marsh, gullible and innocent with a mental age of four, and the flat's former tenant Candice Valentine, an incorrigible flirt adept at getting her way with baby talk and candy-coated charm. The flat is let by the regal Lady Carlton, an eccentric elderly romance novelist who lives alone downstairs with her constant companion Josephine, a dead dog she has had stuffed.

Candice routinely weasels out of chores and bill paying by evoking pity with tales of an illness that supposedly afflicts her esophagus and prevents her from being able to ""have a proper osmosis."" Unconvinced by her theatrics, Shelley threatens to throw her out of the overcrowded flat for not contributing to the rent, but Candice bribes her way into Shelley's good books by securing her a starring role in a highly suspect low-budget film. Gone with the Wind lends itself to sleazy new levels of interpretation when the girls put on a show for the home video crew.

Frustrated because the flat doesn't afford her any privacy with gentleman callers, Candice takes it upon herself to acquire a social life for Jennifer to get her out of the house more often. The plan backfires when Jennifer is kidnapped and held for ransom, and the others must scrape together 10,000 pounds if they want her back. But will Shelley dip into her savings or sacrifice her beloved sun bed to save Jennifer's life, and can the kidnappers abide a whole hour in Jennifer's company?

Shelley discovers the horrors of Marmite and goes on a diet while rehearsing for a drama school audition. Her failure to simulate a fried egg at the audition sends her spiraling into a suicidal binging frenzy, and it's up to her flatmates to get her back on the health track. Her spirits are raised when she spots her chance to steal a moment in the spotlight at a feminist support group fund-raising event Amanda is hosting at the flat.

Rent is due, and as usual Candice can't be persuaded to produce any dosh. She sinks to new lows to avoid paying up when she fabricates a romance with Prince Andrew, distracting her flatmates from fiscal affairs by awing them with tales of royal intrigue and secrecy.

A council comprised of Amanda's local feminist group has organized a street festival. Distressed that she hasn't been asked to help coordinate, Amanda-- who prides herself on her cultural awareness and politically correct lifestyle-- takes it upon herself to round up an ethnic act that will bring the spirit of Africa to Chelsea.

Lady Carlton's closest friend, her stuffed ex-dog Josephine, goes missing when left in Jennifer's care for an afternoon. There will be no end to Lady C's piteous lamenting unless the girls can convince her that Josephine has ascended to a better place.