With the landmark cartoon Steamboat Willie, Walt Disney showed his genius by setting up two core elements of the Mickey Mouse character that have lasted to this day: he’s always on a steamboat, and his name is Willie. Such vision!

From the mind of Educational Collaborator William E. Young, Ph.D., Director of Curriculum Development Center at The University of the State of New York, and in collaboration with Coronet Films, comes the eternal question: is it considerate to bore your classmates?

Making friends is one of those paradoxical situations where, if you have to watch a Coronet short about how to do it, it’s already too late.

Are You Listening? From the educational minds of Educational Learning, Inc. Are You Seeing This? I Mean, Really, What Are We Even Looking At? should be the real title.

Gumby is back in two unspeakable adventures that test the limits of claymation and decency!

The ending of Adventures of Captain Marvel Chapter 6 left us all with a serious cliffhanger… would our valiant heroes find the strength to keep going and riff another episode? The answer is here at last, with the sequentially named Adventures of Captain Marvel Chapter 7: Human Targets!

Superjock is a look back at a simpler time, when workout clothes didn’t need to “breathe” or “weigh less than twenty pounds” and doctors argued about which brand of cigarettes to recommend. We first meet Jim, who was once a high school jock but has spent every moment since speedrunning “needing quadruple bypass surgery.” Jim’s diet appears to have mirrored The Guy From Harlem’s room service order for about two decades, but now it’s time to get in shape. How is this going to happen? Perhaps by imitating Vic, a man who, based on his haircut and facial hair, was last seen heading up a polygamist sect in 1877. Vic has started eating healthier, cutting back on drinking, and exercising. The result is about what you’d expect: every day is agony. He’s extended his lifespan by years, but with every bite of grapefruit or iceberg lettuce, he wonders “Is this misery worth it?” It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a man getting winded while searching for his ashtray!

The year is 1975. Try as they might to “Whip Inflation Now,” Americans were feeling the devastating reality of the polyester embargo. Holiday Inn International decided that the only thing they could do was to make a weird “A Christmas Carol”-type training film for their employees. So they did! Then they panicked and tacked on a bunch of commercials and showed it during a sales conference or something. We’re not really sure. Maybe you can figure it out! Put on your best cotton-poly blend and try to Stay Alive in ‘75 with Bridget and Mary Jo!

Lots of people are afraid of the dentist. Perhaps it’s because they have seen Danny’s Dental Date, a short film that tries to assure kids that the going to the dentist was nothing to worry about and instead makes the entire experience seem like an unspeakable eldritch horror, but with fluoride. First of all, there’s puppets. The puppets are so scared of the dentist that they flee into the woods, which, once you discover that the puppets have puppet teeth, you may want to do too. Then the puppet turns into a real boy and decides to face his fear, but not before the short stops for a couple minutes for a Parade of Vegetables. Many shorts could use a Parade of Vegetables, we feel one would really have taken Setting Up A Room to the next level. Strap in because this dentist doesn’t wear gloves or wash his hands. But don’t worry, he also uses his tools to carve things into his body in order to show off how safe they are. To answer the question of another famous dentist: Is it safe? NO!

The Skating Rink follows Tuck, a farm boy whose family home seems to exist in the Great Depression, even though everything else around them is from the 1970s. Could it be a sci-fi time portal situation? Tuck’s Pa doesn’t care for his son’s odd ways - for example, it drives him crazy that Tuck chooses to walk home from school instead of riding the bus. What a little hellion! Fortunately for Tuck, a big city ice skating guy has decided to build a huge skating rink in this small farm town. It’s obviously a terrible business decision, but lucky for him the short ends before he’s totally ruined. The skating rink's owner somehow guesses that Tuck would make a great figure skater if he gave it a shot, and he’s right! From there, it’s a matter of building up Tuck’s confidence so he can put on a show for the town. But what will Pa think? Is he still fixated on the school bus thing?

In the '70s, everyone started getting in touch with their feelings, probably because there was nothing good on TV. Embracing what makes you feel good, addressing what makes you feel bad… Sure, it sounds good on paper! But when the result is a short like Feelings, it’s probably better just bottling up your emotions for several decades until you die resentful and alone. A parade of unfortunately-attired 70s children address the camera about what they are feeling. This can be quite literal, such as feeling cold when you touch ice, or it can be distressingly abstract, like the kid who just chants “I hate him! I hate him!” (Unless he’s talking about Baby Ghost, he could probably use some counseling.) The entire time, abstract flute music plays in the background, giving it a fun “cult initiation” kind of feel.

In the '70s, everyone started getting in touch with their feelings, probably because there was nothing good on TV. Embracing what makes you feel good, addressing what makes you feel bad… Sure, it sounds good on paper! But when the result is a short like Feelings, it’s probably better just bottling up your emotions for several decades until you die resentful and alone.

The Hell’s Angels. The Yakuza. The Five Points Gang. The Crips. The Bloods. None of these groups inspired as much terror in their communities than the subject of our new short: the Fishing Vagabonds. They ruled the Central Coast with an iron fist. Mothers would cover their children's eyes when one of the Fishing Vagabonds passed by. “Don’t look them in the eye, sweetie, or you’ll wind up as bait.” It’s rumored in many a seaside tavern that the hooks they used were made from human bone… Okay, fine. The Fishing Vagabonds are fun-loving married couples who go on a fishing jaunt in full 1950s style. Are you happy? Well you should be, because they are. In their white swim caps and fine matching boats, these “Vagabonds” recklessly obey all sea-fishing rules and go out of their way to mention how “girls are useless on a fishing trip.” They also plan a “chowder party” which has to be something unwholesome, right?

The Hell’s Angels. The Yakuza. The Five Points Gang. The Crips. The Bloods. None of these groups inspired as much terror in their communities than the subject of our new short: the Fishing Vagabonds.

He doesn’t have his drivers license, but Olympic diving hopeful and recreational beer consumer Buddy Elder (Scott Baio) receives a really rad car for his birthday. Yet despite repeated warnings from the elder Elder (George Dzundza), and close calls with the cops, Buddy continues to drink and drive. It’s no big deal - until an ironic turn of events. Directed by Henry Winkler, All The Kids Do It also features the work of renowned Production Manager Ephraim "Red" Schaffer.

He doesn’t have his drivers license, but Olympic diving hopeful and recreational beer consumer Buddy Elder (Scott Baio) receives a really rad car for his birthday. Yet despite repeated warnings from the elder Elder (George Dzundza), and close calls with the cops, Buddy continues to drink and drive. It’s no big deal - until an ironic turn of events.

The year is 1975. Try as they might to “Whip Inflation Now,” Americans were feeling the devastating reality of the polyester embargo. Holiday Inn International decided that the only thing they could do was to make a weird “A Christmas Carol”-type training film for their employees. So they did! Then they panicked and tacked on a bunch of commercials and showed it during a sales conference or something. We’re not really sure. Maybe you can figure it out! Put on your best cotton-poly blend and try to Stay Alive in ‘75 with Bridget and Mary Jo!

Before Turner got Hooch, before Jim Belushi met whatever the dog from K-9 was called, before Chase from Paw Patrol got written up for gross misconduct, there was… Police Dog! Police Dog gives a fun inside look into how boring everyday civilian German Shepherds get transformed into terrifying instruments of the state! These lovable pooches learn to sniff drugs, navigate obstacles, and rip into the meaty underarms of suspected purse snatchers. Aw, heckin good doggos, 20/10! We follow one particular dog, Duke, as he learns the ins and outs of police work with his new partner. Inexplicably, Police Dog is narrated by legendary actor Joseph Cotten, known for films like Citizen Kane, The Third Man, Gaslight, and, well, Police Dog. Will the official Scooby-Doo dog voice be used? There’s only one way to find out: join Mike, Kevin and Bill for the canine clampdown of Police Dog!

Billy is a middle school misfit who can’t seem to get his locker unlocked. Things go from bad to worse after an awkward social situation with the cool kids. Walking home through the park, a dressed-for-success sorcerer suddenly appears from a crumpled pop can. Though Bill is slow to catch on, the warlock gives him many pointers on setting boundaries. Will Billy accept unsolicited advice from a magical being? Find out with Bridget, Mary Jo, and The Wizard of No!

Grady and Lori need to get to school. Unfortunately, dangers abound along their walking route: radio controlled cars, breakdancers, the Grim Reaper. Sorry, those are the dangers that abound in the 80s video game Paperboy. These kids deal with antique stores or something, it’s way less cool. Lori owns a Heathcliff lunchbox, yet neglects to implement such basic safety techniques as employing The Garbage Ape for protection, or wearing a helmet that says “HAM”.* Grady, on the other hand, carries a red playground ball, though he is still at least twenty years away from joining an Adult Kickball League as a flimsy excuse to binge drink on a weeknight. Can they make it to school safely in time for their spelling test? Or will their skin be flayed from their bodies in a horrific ice cream truck accident? Find out, you sickos, in Safely Walk To School!

Someone must have been telling lies about Josef K. He knew he had done nothing wrong, but one morning he was arrested. No wait! Wrong story. Hmm.. Oh yes! Jennifer got busted for shoplifting at Publix, and instead of an automatic ten years at Leavenworth, she's handed over to the newly formed Student Court. A group of nine teenagers will, over the course of several hours — including a salad bar break — determine whether Jennifer should be forced to clean her room, talk to her mother and break up with Phillip Rodman, or be handed over to an actual judge who could put her in actual jail. Jennifer is one tough nut, so the intrepid '80s teen stereotypes must work together to reach her hardened heart, bring justice to the community, and get to basketball practice. You have been served. See you in Student Court!

It’s All Hallows' Eve and you’d better watch out for tricksters! You never know when one of those scamps might soap your windows, or jump out and scare you, or destroy your home while simultaneously causing third degree burns! Oh, those felony-committing rascals! This is the tale of two of those mischievous boys, who venture out on Halloween in search of delicious treats and find only loose jelly beans and alarmingly damp fudge. Eventually they encounter a bitter old man who threatens to punch them. If you’ve ever had a teenager wearing a football jersey as their “costume” demand free candy, you know the feeling. The kids pull a prank, the man suffers immense physical harm, and we’re left to ponder the morality at hand. Namely, would he have deserved worse if instead of nothing, he’d been handing out banana Now And Laters?

Anyone with an advanced film degree knows that Video FX peaked in 1992 when Snoop Dogg turned into a doberman in the “What’s My Name” music video. But back then, if you wanted to achieve that level of technical wizardry at home, the deck was stacked against you. Amateur videographers who wanted to take their home movies to the next level used to have to send them off to a random Culver City P.O. Box and hope for the best. Adding a star wipe to little Susie’s seventh birthday party footage would cost upwards of five hundred dollars — and you’d be lucky to receive it by the time she turned eight. Then came the Video Toaster 4000. Powered by a Commodore Amiga, it revolutionized the field of cheesy transition FX and crappy word art graphics. To announce the new product, Team Toaster released this infomercial featuring celebrity testimonials from pro skater Tony Hawk, magician Penn Jillette, and sentient mayonnaise smeared on white bread Wil Wheaton.

Captain Marvel! Faster than the speeding bullets he shoots at fleeing victims! Able to throw petty criminals to their death in a single bound! Star of episodes whose titles have no bearing on what actually happens in them! That applies to Chapter 8, Boomerang, which features neither self-returning throwing sticks nor basic cable networks airing children’s cartoons. It does however feature henchmen with names like Barnett, Ives, and JG Wentworth who are currently holding Betty and Billy prisoner at a bombing range, which frankly, sounds a helluva lot cooler than TopGolf. Their fate will be decided by The Scorpion, whose identity we’re rapidly getting closer to learning and going “Huh…” with the maximum amount of disinterest allowed by federal law. Will Betty get knocked unconscious again? Will Billy’s voice crack? Will Captain Marvel execute civilians without fear of reprisal? The answer to all of these questions is of course: Boomerang!

If a small child seems upset on Thanksgiving, there’s three likely reasons: One, they accidentally tried a forkful of rutabaga casserole. Two, they caught a glimpse of Jerry Jones in the Cowboys owner’s suite. And three, all their classmates make fun of the way they dress and how they talk because their family fled to America from Russia to escape religious persecution. Molly is in the latter camp, though we can’t rule out the possibility that Jerry Jones is haunting her nightmares like some sort of Football Facelift Freddy Krueger. Even though she’s a brilliant gymnast and smart as a whip, she’s still an outcast because she doesn’t know about basic American traditions like “Thanksgiving,” “Black Friday,” and “Starting to water down dad’s drinks before he tries to take his shirt off and fight his brother in the driveway like he did last year.” Never mind that Turduckens are essentially edible Matryoshka dolls; these second graders know what they like, and it ain’t Comrade Molly!

Nothing says “Christmas” like Khruschev’s Soviet Russia! Move over, Frosty the Snowman, there’s a new festive cartoon in town. And by “new” we mean from the 1950s. And by “festive" we mean there are lions, whales, themes of isolation, and Santa in a fighter jet. Though, to be fair, putting Santa in a fighter jet seems like an extremely American idea. Maybe we’re not so different after all! A Christmas Journey tells the tale of Kolya, a sweet boy who seems to live alone in a swanky penthouse apartment in Moscow. His father is away at Christmas because he is a weatherman in Antarctica. To repeat, he is a weatherman in Antarctica. "Sorry, son, I have to leave you alone because the penguins need to know the relative humidity!" Kolya is saddened to think his father won’t have a Christmas tree down in the frozen wastes, so he dreams of bringing one to him. Kind of an odd dream, and dad would probably prefer a nice flask of vodka, but it’s the thought that counts. Fortunately for Kolya, San

At first glance, something as trivial as a Christmas pudding might seem beneath Sherlock Holmes’ concern, until you remember that he canonically used a lot of cocaine. Where will his nose lead him this time? This Christmas short is fun and festive right from the outset, when a man is convicted of murder, sentenced to death, and swears violent revenge upon Sherlock Holmes. The convict has murdered his previous five wives, which is the kind of thing a brilliant detective like Sherlock notes is a bit of a pattern! The prisoner enacts a devilish plan for escape, ripped straight from a Hanna-Barbera cartoon: to have his current, not-yet-murdered wife bring him a Christmas pudding with a file hidden inside. Yeah, not really sure we need Holmes & Watson for this one, maybe bring in the B squad? Pack your pipe, break a string on your violin and get fully hounds-toothed with Mike, Kevin and Bill for Sherlock Holmes In the Case of the Christmas Pudding!

Who doesn’t love Christmas? After all, it’s “the most wonderful time of the year” as someone, perhaps Gibby Haynes, once sang. Many of us, after one too many egg nogs, have wondered what it would be like if it were Christmas Every Day. An entire year of beautiful light displays, rosy cheeked carolers, and endless overflowing vats of figgy pudding! What could possibly go wrong? Christmas Every Day tells the story of a little girl who makes this exact wish and turns the planet into a cursed hellscape of tinsel and misery. Turns out that when Christmas comes every single day, it loses a bit of its luster. Ralphie’s Red Ryder antics will have you wanting to shoot your own eye out after a couple weeks, Mariah Carey’s warbling will drive you mad by mid-March, and where the hell are we supposed to put all these damn turtle doves? Two was more than enough to begin with!