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One day, Julia woke with a terrifying thought: What if her future baby was too large to be delivered? What if delivery hurt worse than hearing about Zayn leaving One Direction? She couldn’t handle the torture. She hemmed. She hawed. She read voraciously on the topic, defying even her own belief that she sucked at reading and shouldn’t have to do it. What she found is that smoking cigarettes can lead to under-sized children. Now, most people would read that and think, “How awful”. Julia read it and found her path: She would shrink her future child to a delightfully fun size. No pain for Julia! The child’s life would be more difficult, yes, but she thought, “with technology and stuff, like, it’ll actually, like, be, like easier. Winky-face emoji.” She smoked, and she smoked, and she smoked some more. “What a life!” She thought. However, what she didn’t know, what she couldn’t have known, is that this idea was insanely irresponsible and dumb. Ooh yeah dumb.
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