Mystery Fandom Theater 3000

An awkward and strangely uncomfortable retelling of the fairy tale, from our friends south of the border.

Cinema Lappland presents an hour of recycled stock footage, preceded by two short subjects striving to improve your life.

An Embarrassed Christopher Plummer In this 1979 film, which bears no relation whatsoever to Star Wars, interstellar smuggler cum heroine Stella Star (who is neither Luke Skywalker nor Princess Leia) and her mentor/companion Acton (who is not Obi-Wan Kenobi) are caught and imprisoned by Texan police android Elle (who is neither R2-D2 nor C-3PO) and Blue Man Group reject Thor (who is distinctly not Chewbacca). For reasons that aren't worth mentioning, the prison business is quickly dropped and the four join forces to fight evil and locate Simon (David Hasselhoff not playing Han Solo at all), son of the Emperor of the galaxy (Christopher Plummer, who doesn't particularly rule the Rebel Alliance or the Jedis since the established empire is good in this universe, making for an entirely different and unrelated movie). Several lame planets are visited (which could not possibly be confused with Alderaan, Hoth, or Endor) and useless battles waged.

The 80’s, refusing to go gently into that good night, rears its ugly head and brings us cyborgs, time travel, mad scientists, jungle cruises, plucky heroes, and tiny robots.

5 short tales of terror and propriety confront our hapless crew in a battle for control of Deep13b! What will become of the house in the middle? What hidden dangers lurk in bonfires and canoes? How do you stay safe in the Darwinian jungle of the school bus? Are jam fights really worth the risk? Will Molly ever grow up? There's only one way to find out!