GTA 5 Gameplay with Funhaus

I don't trust the banks. That's why I keep all of my seed stored safely under, on top of, and soaked into my mattress.

It would've been nice to have been taught more about finance in high school but I guess learning how to take a punch and cry on the inside came in pretty handy too.

WARNING: Listening to James recap Twisted Metal lore may result in uncontrollable, pants-soaking horniness. Before watching this video, please lay a tarp under your chair or secure yourself in a tub, kiddie pool, or watertight container of your choice. Thank you.

Please stop posting pictures of your goddamn eggs benedict. At this point, I would rather look at a close up of the chicken's asshole they fell out of.

The next time I find myself in Lancaster PA, smack dab between the villages of Bird in Hand and Intercourse, you bet your sweet behind I'm emptying my wallet to sit through all 35 minutes of "Jacob's Choice".

Abductions are always tragic, but at least be grateful you're alive today. Your poor grandparents had nothing to munch on in the back of that Studebaker but Necco Wafers and Clove Gum.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm about to go have a little "Summer Lovin" of my own. (Daintily lays blanket under beach boardwalk, makes love to three stuffed crust pizzas as dusk surrenders to the stars)

"Bombay night frogs (Nyctibatrachus humayuni) mate by having the male straddle the female without grasping her, and releasing sperm over her back. The female then lays her eggs, allowing the sperm to run down her back and fertilize the eggs." The International Journal of Herpetology... After Dark (June, 2021)

This video is brought to you by Cologne! Cologne: Undefeated winner of "The Worst Thing to Come Out of Germany" award from 1709-1933.

I often think back to that day six years ago when I found Jacob, naked and shivering in a cardboard box behind that Arby's, and wonder "Who rescued who?"

The long wait is over, Funhaus fans! The Chris Benoit jokes are BACK! Tune in next week for our spiciest takes on Harambe, fidget spinners, and Chewbacca Mom.

I once challenged James to a pushup contest and he laughed so hard an entire shaker bottle of Huel shot out of his butt, all mixed up and ready to drink.

This video is brought to you by CostCo! CostCo: Where the slender veil of our humanity is cast aside for the promise of half of a vegan taquito.

Stop giving chiropractors such a hard time. I bet most doctors' offices are squeezed in between a Cash4Gold and a shuttered drivers ed class.

I took a Buzzfeed test to see which "Friends" character I was and it told me I'm one of Richard's discarded mustache combs. But at least I didn't get Monica.

Sorry Jensen, but once again you will not be joining Tom Hardy on my "Men I Will Allow To Pleasure Me Without Reciprocation" list. Have a problem with that? Take it up with Lee Pace shooting a blunderbuss on horseback in "The Fall".

I guess I like to find my partners the old fashioned way: By marrying whichever comely lass the local magistrate has deemed suitable for both the strain of childbirth and many seasons of arduous plowing.

I miss the golden age of the sitcom when all you needed to get a pilot picked up were three cameras, a laugh track, and the depiction of a New York completely free of minorities.