Podge and Rodge: A Scare at Bedtime

The lads decide to do the lottery.

Podge claims the new neighbours are lesbians.

Podge recounts the misery of moving house.

Podge compares Rodge's fixation with losing weight to that of Willy "Pudgy" Ring from Toolend.

Podge asks if Rodge had released his address to the yogurt cult, as he saw it, and began the sorry tale of Johnny Ballsac, from Brownlog Pass. Johnny too had been taken in by such yogurt tactics, and filled out a survey for Gob yogurt.

Podge leads into the tale of Dick Dalton, from Bogknobber.

Podge played down this Rag Week indiscretion, claiming that "most students get their come uppance". He recalled the tale of Betty Bulbin and Mary O'Hary.

Podge favoured offering a women-only B+B service. All this talk of tourists led him to the tale of Pearce McCracken and Ernie O'Herlihy, from Schlongsville, Massachusetts, who had travelled to Ireland in search of their ancestors.

Rodge speaks of his infatuation with "I Dream Of Jeannie", claiming that she is "sex on legs", and fiddling with himself under the covers for the first of MANY times. Podge, however, states that "it'd be a cold day in Tullamore before I'd accept a wish from a genie".

Rodge pays his respect, saying fondly that "everyone liked Fanny Rash".

This talk of escapology leads Podge to the tale of Gus "The Mole" Geraghty, Ireland's premier bank robber. Gus had been in and out of jail, unable to keep his ability to crack into any safe under control.

"What did I tell you about competitions? They all end in disaster". He speaks of the fiercely competitive nuns of Bumboil Abbey, who took on their sister abbeys in such competitons as longest vow of silence, toilet abstinence, most pious face, and the most rewarding of all - the oldest nun.

Podge threatens to wreck more than his buzz, scolding him for raiding Mrs. Minge's alottment, and her only just recently deceased. He tells the Tarantino-esque tale of Brad Fukoffski, from Méféin, Michigan.

Podge cites the case of Catriona Eczema, from Rash Ring. She paid Madame Vargina (the number one pyschic in the country), who promised Catriona that she'd meet and marry a man, and find her fortune.

Podge tells the trauma suffered by Turlough and Hannah O'Ride.

Podge claims that Rodge's situation was by no means as embarassing as that of Shane Cyst, from Squitter's Bridge.

Podge tells the tale of Dave Knuckleshuffle from Heehaw, County Boil.

Rodge ponces in with his new hair cut - Sadie had used the black from the black pudding to colour his tresses. All this "keeping up appearances" malarkey reminds Podge of Ozzy Dorgan, from Slurry.

The Ballydung boys have been put in control of Xmas...