Carl gives his first prediction of the 2012 season.

Carl gives a rundown of last week's winners and losers and predicts Ohio's big showdown victor for this weekend.

Carl discusses the importance of time management on Monday nights and how any coach can (and should) apply the film career of Tom Berenger to their technique.

Carl protests the detestable performance of replacement referees by undertaking a lock-strike.

Icing the kicker? Don't make Carl laugh. You wouldn't like him when he's laughy.

Drew Brees does not impress Carl. Nor should he impress you. You kids with your pads and your helmets.

Unbeknownst to some, Carl has a literate side, and he wants to tell you the true Baltimore score, and the Ray Lewis sore, evermore.

Carl breaks down New York's catch-22 and gives the world the gift of "Carling."

When it comes to the lock, Carl will not be deterred by a waist-high toxic river in his "living room."

With the poor economy taken into account, Carl accepts the sucky NFL coaches to prevent a blackhole from sucking up his flooded mobile home.

Carl picks apart the issue of head injury with the authority of a recipient.

Carl and his lips are thankful to know that a man can't always be responsible for what happens with his feet.

Carl's got one hand swaying with a lighter and the other clutching an omelet of sweet broken eggs.

If only football players doubled as contortionists, there would be fewer injuries.

The coming apocalypse calls for a sacrificial ceremony because Carl can't lock it in worth crap.

Carl reviews Black Monday's firings and why they all deserved it.

Carl discusses his MMA physique and pulls back the curtain on the myth of "jetlag."

Carl goes two for one this week as he gives fashion its due consideration in the San Francisco / Atlanta and Baltimore / New England matchups this Sunday.

Carl gives the biggest game of the year his official insultalysis.