Pheonix Nights

The series starts with Brian's alcohol license being revoked. A broken man, Brian dreams of rebuilding the Phoenix, and visits Frank Cartwright (played by Jim Bowen), owner of Le Ponderosa, who tells him to sell bottles and cans to get around the ban, a licensee who he can manipulate and lots of facilities under one roof. Brian then goes around to find all of the staff, he finds Jerry and Alan working in Asda, Les as a butcher, Kenny Senior as a lollypop man, Ray Von at a fairground, Holy Mary in church and Max and Paddy as Elderly Asian escorts, he brings all of them together to discuss his plans, and convinces Jerry to become the new licensee.

Reconstruction is going quite well, and a fun day is organized to raise awareness of the rebuilding, however, an inflatable that looks like an erect penis is not a success, and Brian has it nailed down into the ground and covered up, however, the penis escapes from its prison, shocking everyone who is spending their money. Elsewhere, Max and Paddy go to France to stock up on booze, picking up two Chinese immigrants in the process.

Brian decides to get the club on Crimetime for publicity and a chance to accuse Den Perry, changes are made throughout the club to make it look good for the TV crew, but the TV show is a disaster when Brian is accused by a detective on air of burning down the club himself. Elsewhere, Spencer is hired for the vacant bar job.

Brian comes across two Japanese people promoting their new lager, and offers them a chance to promote it in the club, an offer they accept, a pub quiz is arranged, with the winner taking home a years supply of the lager, both Brian and Den Perry enter teams to try and win it. In the other suite, Jerry's medication gets the better of him and he loses it on stage, which causes him to go into the next suite and urinate everywhere, shocking the customers.

A powercut in Brian's home sees him stuck on the stairs all night until Jerry breaks his door down the next morning, a ladies night has been arranged, which causes Paddy to go onto the stage dressed in nothing but a fake moustache, underwear and a devil stick. Outside, Max is hired by a woman who wants her husband killed for £8000, he takes Paddy with him to do the job, shooting Max's brother Terry along the way, eventually, Max and Paddy can't kill the man and give him £3000 to leave the country, Max gives Paddy £1000, and spends £4000 on a motorhome.

Max and Paddy spot the man they were meant to kill in town, and are confronted by his wife, who says that she has put a hit out on them, she also reveals that she paid Max £8000 to Paddy, who only received £1000. In the club, Brian has arranged Stars In Your Eyes to impress a brewery representative who is coming over, Den Perry however, has other ideas and cancels the acts acting as Jerry, however, in a memorable series of scenes, all of the staff from the club dress up to become acts, including Holy Mary as Lulu, Ray Von as Adam And The Ants, Kenny Senior as Britney Spears, Young Kenny as Meatloaf, Jerry as Eminem, Brian as Elton John and Spencer as Gary Glitter. At the end of the episode, Den Perry threatens Brian and says something about burning the club down before, unaware that Brian has recorded it all on a microphone, which the entire club has heard. At the end of the episode, Max is about to flee all over the country in his motorhome, when Paddy decides to come with him, setting the scene for Max and Paddy's Road to Nowhere.