Lazy Car Dealer

A friend has an ancient Vauxhall Calibra that is covered in brambles, and Alan agrees to buy it for £150 without seeing it. The car is in a poor state, and even worse, it's full of spiders, which Alan is afraid of. And that's just one of many issues they face getting this car ready for a buyer.

Alan cooks up an idea for a new vehicle his band can use to play gigs away from his barn, and takes Nick on a trip to buy a bizarre Volvo limo. With lots of money going out and none coming back in, and knowing that the Volvo will never be sold, they try to make some cash on an original Vauxhall Astra.

Alan is commissioned to find a new pace car for the local track, and a Honda CR-V fits the bill. Back at the farm, a hearse is found to be too rusty underneath to turn a profit, so Alan decides that it's destined for the track as well, but as a race car.

Alan is given two free cars, although Nick suspects they mean trouble. A Peugeot hatchback only needs a starter motor to be a guaranteed profit. A Nissan Micra may well be beyond repair, but Alan hopes it will be in good condition.

Alan is at a nearby farm when he spies a rotten Triumph that has been abandoned. Once Nick sees it, he confirms there is money in it, but once Nick finds the paperwork, Alan loses all interest in selling the car for profit -- he wants to keep it forever.