They're back! A new theme tune, a new set, and a new joke in episode four. Stew reveals his luddite tendencies, declaring that he doesn't like change, while Rich is embracing it. Rich goes as far as comparing the new series to the regeneration of Colin Baker to Sylvester McCoy in Dr. Who, which as Stew points out, was a brief excitement followed by disappointment, shame & regret. This first show draws heavily on material from the "Love" episode of Lionel Nimrod's Inexplicable World, as it is the week of St. Valentines' Day. St. Valentine, of course, being the patron saint of making sad and lonely single people feel like shit. Stew wishes he was going out with someone because, as he points out, it's quite cold at the moment and it would make a difference. Rich wonders what's going on. He thought Stew was seeing someone. A pre-recorded insert explains everything. It illustrates Stew's deep, and forbidden love for a kitten. Called Simon. Stew been playing with behind the owner's back. An odd sketch by Lee & Herring standards. Surreal, but undeniably silly, which is always a good start. Peter's back for the second series too, sponsored by Maston News, 22 Bedford Hill, Balham, and provides a couple of recipes for meat-based drinks. First up is "Beef Pop" - Some Oxtail Soup with a couple of alka-seltzers dropped in. Alternatively you could try getting some frozen sausage meat, mashing it up with an old boot before putting all the bits in a big glass with some water for "Pork Slush Puppies". If you, like Peter, didn't get any Valentines cards this year (or ever), you can always convert any normal post accordingly. Pete's Stuck an ace of hearts playing card which he found on a cat's hand onto a disconnection notice from British Gas. Or you could always buy a pig's heart from a butchers and take it to a photo booth for a mini valentines postcard. Pete reminds us of Donny Oddlegs' untimely demise and introduces us to his new friend, Alan Milk-Carton-Body which is

Stew & Rich start the show with the terrible news that Michael Jackson is back in town, and, talking of people who've got away with very serious crimes - Rich refers to the documentary that was on in the week about the diaries of Jack the Ripper. Rich is convinced that the diaries are genuine. His basis for that decision? The first fifty pages had been ripped out - he just can't resist ripping things can Jack the Ripper. Stew isn't so sure. Jack the Ripper was a master criminal, after all, he wouldn't leave a diary lying around - and if he had, it would have been a decoy diary. Containing stuff like "Tuesday. I didn't kill anyone today in a bizarre ritual murder, and I wasn't sexually excited by it when I did it, because I didn't even do it. I'm not Jack the Ripper, I wasn't there." American movie producers, Seahand & Zemquitt, are up next telling how they'd recently been offered a script for a film called "Jurassic Park". But they didn't like the format. Get rid of the dinosaurs, replace them with a pack of dogs - and don't set it on an island. No, use a suburban street. And don't call it "Jurassic Park". Call it "Beethoven's Second". And then, then - you have a hit on your hands. Or do you? Getting back to topical stuff, Rich notices that this week has seen "Shrove Tuesday", the annual festival when people prepare for the abstinence of lent by eating all the leftover batter in their houses. Stew is unimpressed. "But it's tradition" pleads Rich. No. It's not a tradition, Pancake Tuesday was invented in 1978 by pancake industry fat cats in an attempt to make gullible people like Rich eat more pancakes. Rich corrects him, informing him that it is actually a religious festival that was invented by Satan in AD 42 when he tempted Jesus in the desert. With a pancake. He then ventures into the audience, dishing pancakes out to anyone who will have them, and some that won't. However, Jarvis Cocker - lead singer of the band Pulp - foils Rich's pancake-based gen

Rich starts things off by telling us that it is, indeed, over for one of the world's most popular couples. Yes, the X-Files has finished. Undermining Stew's initial point about the marriage of Prince Charles & Lady Diana. When corrected, Rich claims that his sympathies fall on the side of Princess Di, because of all her secret work for charity. Work so secret that it was across the front of every newspaper, every day. Rich himself, apparently, does lots of secret work for charity in Diss in East Anglia where he nurses the sore paws of otters. This catches Stew's interest. He too does lots of secret work in Diss. He goes around infecting the paws of otters with salt. Rich is puzzled. If Stew didn't do this, they wouldn't have to keep going to Diss! Hobby loon Simon Quinlank's back. And he is angry. Stewart Leach from Glasgow has written in to the show declaring him "a jumped-up stamp collector". To prove Stewart wrong, Quinlank provides us with this week's hobby. "Train Ignoring". For this week's hobby, you will need a pen, a list of all the rolling stock in Great Britain today, a blindfold - or some eyelids, a flask of weak lemon drink, and a trainspotter. Simon's trainspotter of choice is called Alan. The premise of this hobby involves standing at railway sidings with the trainspotter and waiting. When you hear a train coming, cover your eyes & apply the blindfold. Your trainspotter will tell you which train has just gone past & you can then catalogue it, keeping a record of the trains that you have now ignored. Back in the Studio, Rich is trying to fill the gap left by the X-Files with their own show. After all, what have Scully & Mulder got that Lee & Herring haven't? Well, as Stew points out, they've got acting talent, real good looks, a top selling video, and nine million viewers in a peak time BBC one slot. But then, Stew wants the moon on a stick. The other thing, of course, that Scully & Mulder have over them, is an unconsummated sexual chemistry

This weeks' show has been cloned by Scottish scientists at the Royston Institute to be an exact copy of a 1972 Goodies script, announces Stew, before asking Rich what had caught his satirical eye this week. Rich explains that he'd read about a child in Yorkshire by the name of Maurice Mitchener who went to see Peter Pan and was so scared that his parents are now suing the playhouse that put on the production. Rich proceeds to mock the three year old child, despite Stew's protests. In defence of Maurice Michener's reaction to Peter Pan, Stew considers the possibility that he may have seen through to the core of the story, which is about the fear of growing old. Maurice Mitchener may have had an existential dread about his own mortality - and faced with that, like Hamlet, he just had to despair. This doesn't convince Rich. Peter Dibdin, Rich's driving instructor, is back - giving us an insight into a day in his life. Today is Sunday - a day off, and he's having some friends round. His friends, predictably, are all fellow driving instructors. They spend their day testing each other on the highway code & playing driving instructor style games. Back to the Studio, and we're just in time for the Fist Of Fun illegal lottery draw. Stew has already distributed the 25% of the total money raised to the designated "worthy cause", Pavarotti. He had traveled to the Royal Opera House to give the fat singer a staggering eleven pounds and fourteen and a half pence. He wasn't there, but they said they'd pass it on - and he trusted them. This combined act of generosity and trust prompts Rich to label him as "the new christ". Of course, the real lottery show has celebrity guests on hand to help with the draw. Well, Rich & Stew are no exception and have secured the services of Rod Hull, from Emu's World, as their celebrity guest. Rod is sent, screaming, into the audience to retrieve the winner, Steven Jackson. Steven has won £22.29. Which serves as a bit of a disappoi

Welcome to episode five of "The a and the fist of fun. At ten.". This week, Rich & Stew are breathing a sigh of relief that they didn't get hit by the runaway Chinese satellite. Rich's theory for the Chinese invasion of Taiwan is, of course, that Taiwan make all the toys that go inside Kinder Eggs, and China wants all the toys without having to pay for the eggs. Stew wastes no time, however, in pointing out that Rich has ascribed his own motives for invading Taiwan - confusing them with those of the Chinese governments'. Rich collects Kinder Egg toys, you see, and he puts them all in a big glass cabinet in his house. He keeps the chocolate too. In his tummy. This week, Richard's been to the cinema, where he saw "Seven" which he was impressed by. Not least due to the fact that it made perfect sense on it's own - even though he hadn't seen one, two, three, four, five or six. Stew tries to tell him that the film is not part of a sequence, but Rich isn't listening. He goes on to tell of how much he enjoyed the film that he went looking for more in the series. He couldn't find many - just "10" & "2001", but by the time he's finished counting back from 2001 Rich & Stew are old and grey. They have beards. Peter Dibdin returns once more, charging twenty pounds a lesson & trying to teach all the stupid, none-driving idiots the Peter Dibdin Traffic light sequence song; "Red is the colour of the apple so fine - STOP, red and amber is the sunset in the evening time - GET READY, green is the frog all covered in slime - GO, amber is the sunrise in the morning time - STOP, UNLESS BREAKING WOULD BE MORE DANGEROUS THAN CONTINUING, and that is the order of the traffic lights sign." Of course, no-one can remember this - leading to plenty of Peter Dibdin insults. Returning to the Studio, RIch & Stew are discussing chart music. It's great the The Beatles are back in the charts, according to Rich. Stew, on the other hand, thinks it's great only if you like the idea of a bunc

Rod Hull's here - it is him - and welcome to his all new, Pink Fist Of Fun show. That's right, he's back with his own show! Yeah, you're beautiful! Rich & Stew burst in on him & reclaim their show using the subtle ploy of telling him there is a jelly tasting evening at the Ritz Hotel. The lure of jelly is too strong for Rod & he's off to the Ritz, leaving Lee & Herring to finish the series themselves. Rich wastes no time in telling Stew he's fed up with his insistence on wanting the moon on a stick, So he's got him the moon on a stick. But it isn't the moon on a stick, as Stew points out, it's a big piece of cardboard painted to look like the moon. On a stick. "Oh," says Rich, "So you want the moon on a stick." "Yes" "See" "No, I don't want the moon on a stick, all I'm saying is that if I wanted the moon on a stick - which I don't - I would want the moon on a stick, not this piece of cardboard/paper moon stick thing." "Well what am I going to do with it now?" "I dunno, give it to the poor children or something." Simon Quinlank is up next, with something to do when you've finished doing hobbies for the day. This hobby is called "Seeing how long you can go without doing a hobby." You must empty your mind of all hobbies, and time how long it is before you find yourself doing a hobby. It is only 28 seconds before Simon finds himself inadvertently doing the rubbing of a vicar's arse. Remember, you must not drink your weak lemon drink, as drinking weak lemon drink constitutes taking part in a hobby. Back to the Studio, and Rich is appalled that Stew is smoking on television. What if Maurice Mitchener is watching? But Stew points out that, as intelligent viewers will note, they are taking very different views on the issue of smoking. Stew is pro, while Rich is anti. And this is just one of the many contrived differences they have created in order to become a successful comedy double act. Stew doesn't even like smoking - but he has to do it for the do