Brian and Jason miss their friend and bartender, Trever, dearly. It's been weeks since their last drink and they're dependent so they'll take whatever Trever gives them. Nice guy that he is, he brought them Count Negroni's namesake.

After all these years, Jason finally broke his original Guitar Hero controller by beating Jordan, which he is adamant is still the hardest song. When he looked up he saw a guitar on his wall but had to call Brian and guitarist Mario Alvarez to figure out what it was and how to use it.

Brian and Jason got kicked out of their gated suburban community center for an illegal public broadcast of a Fight Club and They Live double-feature, so with all their now-free time they decided to program you all. Is it really free time after all?

You ever been to one of those tile stores that's mixed with a library? Turns out those are just fronts for body armor production lines. Also, Brian and Jason are dumb and you shouldn't try any of this.

Brian watched a couple episodes of CSI: Cyber and it all just clicked. So in a manic digi-frenzy he rounded up Jason, Jgor, a Power Glove, and a few 3.5" floppies to really get to the bottom of... DDOS?

Brian and Jason found a treasure map scrawled on a wizard's scroll. So they followed it to the X and there it was. One lone beam of light shone down upon an exalted paint can. That paint can was none other than Mr. Wizard's silo explosion demonstration can, so they did what they had to do.

Brian's been professionally doing ill-advised things with lighters since before half of you were born, so now's his time to shine... so to speak. Don't smoke, don't play with fire, don't use steak knives, don't break things, don't do crime, don't do danger.

"Serve them a cocktail and they'll be intoxicated for a day; teach them to convert their kitchen into a bar and they'll be intoxicated for a lifetime and you've gotten rid of the liability because they're somebody else's problem now." - famous proverb

Brian was really excited to hear that all it takes to get a pilot's license is drink at the bar; Jason and Trever didn't have the heart to tell him.

Jason started getting really paranoid so we all unanimously decided to do an episode about detecting hidden microphones and cameras. For no specific reason whatsoever.

Brian stumbled onto the perfect get-rich-quick scheme! Then some men in suits showed up, and this informative episode is serving as Brian's community service.

Jason had to clear his head so he went over to the Pizza Hut on Manchaca, and while on his last man in the Master Splinter fight, he realized that all it really takes to be a true ninja is the holy-coveted shuriken.

Brian and Jason went pretty far into the woods to get rid of the body and no joke they found an actual wizard tower with a secret whiskey vault behind a bookcase! So I guess we're learning about the fundamentals of whiskey this week.

Brian put out a classified ad for a "hit man" and the guy showed up with a mallet. He was a carpenter or prop comedian or something? Brian told him about the idea for this episode and they just traded Mr. Freeze puns for an hour.

Jason was playing an unhealthy amount of Fight Night Round 3 and Brian started to get nervous with all of his haymaker talk. So Brian tracked down the one guy in Austin who could help protect him from Jason's fists of fury.

Jason's an expert when it comes to drinking whiskey, but when Brian saw how he ordered it, he knew that he needed Daniel to intervene. "Barkeep! Hit me a dose of that 'W' my good dude, that's that good smokey sauce."

Since Brian and Jason only use thermite when they grill these days, they had a whole bunch of extra propane tanks laying around. Really the only sensible way to dispose of them was to shoot them.

After a year of serious deliberation, Jason finally decided to wear one of many of his goofy as hell hats from his entirely real collection, and as such, it had to be sacrificed.

Brian drew some Simpsons fan-art where it was Homer choking Bart but Bart had Jason's face. Mikal figured teaching them both how to choke each other was the only sensible solution.

As soon as Jason started bringing up his "world-famous whiskey-IV strategy," Daniel-san had to break his drink whiskey however you like rule. A lesson is in order.

Brian noticed a real up-tick unusual purchases on his credit card statement. It was just a lot of whiskey, tacos, and... vintage pants? Obligatory: don't do crimes.

After terrorizing the streets of Austin with a "modified ballistics super soaker" by following the letter of the law but not the spirit, Brian and Jason were court-ordered to learn some proper gun safety and technique.

Jason locked himself in his house refusing to leave until he had seen "at least 30 hours of buckwild car blasts," so that he could unlock their secrets. Brian just set up an appointment with Steve Wolf.

The Scam Stuff warehouse is filled to the brim with styrofoam packing materials. After Brian got bored with swimming in the foam pit like Scrooge, he demanded we get rid of all of the styrofoam specifically in such a way that would also give him primitive weapons. Obligatory: don't do crimes, know your nation & regional laws.

Jason got pretty good at that noise DRAM makes on Cash Machine and he thought, if counterfeiting a noise was so easy, how hard could it be to do the real thing?

After unearthing the immaculate historical artifact commonly referred to as A Knight's Tale, Brian asked around to learn more about the sword thing. Little did he know, it was called a lance, hello. (but no the episode is about longswords)

Brian figured that since the third Burnout was the best one and had "Takedown" in the title, our third Brazilian Jiu Jitsu episode needed a takedown of its own.

I asked Brian if we could get a green screen and he said, "WHAT?! A GREEN THING?!" A bit incredulously I told him, "No, a green screen for chroma keying." "CHROMA GREEN KEY THINGS? OKAY, YOU GOT IT PAL!"

Brian and Jason really just wanted an excuse to drink on the show, so they sold the guest slot to the highest bidder. Rubio and Grant collectively bid 16 beers.

We all thought the sweltering Texas heat was going to kill us, that was before Brian got behind the wheel. Armed with a total training of having played Absolute Drift and talking to an intrepid 12-year-old named Dash, what's the worst that could happen?

Brian walked by some teens calling some other teens "ratchet" so he asked Jason what that meant and he didn't know. So he hit up Mikal who actually did know, but he thought it would be funnier if he told them it was just a choke technique.

Jason called Brian a "nerf herder," but Brian heard "nerf hoarder." After so long he just got tired of being debased as a nerf hoarder and thought that if he's going to be accused of it, he might as well enjoy the perks of hoarding nerf products. Look into your local and state laws, don't do anything stupid or illegal. At the end of the day, anything shaped like a gun will be treated like a gun. Stay safe!

You would think Brian would be pretty knowledgeable about beer having hosted a show for almost 10 years about getting beer for free, but Rubio knew something had to be done when he saw Brian constantly interrupting a bartender with, "YOUR PRODUCT IS SWILL," and "I DEMAND ANOTHER, BARSERVENT!" He just kept throwing dirty nickels down the bar trying to land them in patron's drinks, it was really uncalled for.

Brian's "friend" hacked Jason's LotR Online account on first guess with "youshallnotpassword" and then "convinced" "Brian," who is totally not his own friend, to spearhead an episode on password security so that Jason can go back to securely hobbit frolicking or whatever else you're supposed to do in that game.

Alcatraz. Only one man has ever broken out. Now five million lives depend on two men breaking in.

I tell you what, our House of Representatives sure must play a lot of Tekken during those special sessions because boy do they know how to stun with Law.

Anthony came back to teach Brian and Jason how to wield a rondel dagger, because somehow they manage to hurt themselves less with that than they do with locks, whips, barrels, blocks of sealant, and countless other things.

"Miata learn how to drift this thing, you oughta film it!" Brian authoritatively announced after the last driving episode. Maneuvers covered in this episode: the handbrake turn, u-drift, figure 8s

Trever left us to travel the world so that he could be trained a lost art in forgotten tongues. He scaled snow-covered crests and traversed ancient underground labyrinths in search of the gatekeepers. It was only after finding these Chosen Few, after many months of harrowing exploration, did he come to know the One Truth. Just outside the Temple of Exile, a place and time for which Trever knew he could never return, the eldest Few lay weak on his death bed. In his final moments, he confided in Trever what would become the last words he would ever speak. He leaned over and gravely whispered in his ear, "Old fashioned... jello shots."

Most people don't know this, but Jason was the two time back-to-back copycat world champion. He used to be able to mimic languages that hadn't been invented yet! But that all changed with the digital revolution. Suddenly people weren't so impressed with a kid from the burbs with a mouth like a mirror now that a computer could do it too, and with higher fidelity. It's been a hard road but he's finally at a place where he can talk about that experience, and maybe... even have a machine repeat him while he does it.

Brian and Jason just kept yelling "KRAV MAGA!" while walking up and down populated streets in Austin until a qualified professional offered to teach them if they would just stop shouting. Should go without saying, yet here we are: don't be a jerk, use the system to defend yourself and don't just go attacking people.

So Rubio had some time on his hands, and German beer in them, so he concocted a devious scheme to perfectly re-create past Beerists-Modern Rogue episodes down to everybody wearing the exact same clothes, sporting the same beard progressions, all against the warehouse in as much disarray and just as disheveled as it was four months ago -- but this time, they have the German beer to drink.

=== [ pair_of_normal_rogues_s1e01.mkv ] === summary: This week on Pair of Normal Rogues, Brian and Jason investigate a haunted wizard tower built on sacred land. There's something off about the caretakers of the tower, have these paranormal events driven them mad? ... or are these accounts of the supernatural just a product of their madness?

Jason logged onto Brian's computer to look up Brodyquest but he couldn't move the mouse without accidentally clicking on something lewd, improper, embarrassing, or incriminating. It's time Brian learned how to hide files inside of other files, for you know, safekeeping.

Brian opened up the command console, typed in the code 'smurfme' which turned all the weapons blue, but then the computer turned off in the middle of a save, which they really warn you not to do, and it un-digitized all of the weapons. So what better to do with a surplus of extraordinarily blue weapons, than learn how to defend yourself against them.

This week's episode is delayed, so now's a good time to talk about the shop and NUMBERS.

Brian and Jason were going to make a DIY breathalyzer but they got as far as breathing into a tube when they realized they could just invent a new type of weapon. Some sort of... breathgun.

Finally, the "how to get rid of a body" episode! Just kidding. ...or am I?

Brian told Jason that he really wanted to do an episode on immolation. They were both pretty excited about it, but I think there must have been some miscommunication.

Cleavon Brittle and Gene Milder joined up with Trever to learn a cocktail of his own concoction, the Blazing Saddles.

We actually looked into getting a buckler just for everyday use so Brian could finally protect his hands, unfortunately Anthony and Bryant are all too familiar of Brian's reputation so they cornered the market in advance. Their one stipulation was to sit front row for another Brian and Jason duel, this time playing for keeps. (keeping the buckler, that is)

After years of abuse, we finally bought Brian a new hand. But for the assimilation to be complete, he must first disown his old hand one last time.

INT. DIMLY LIT ROOM -- NIGHT We see Jason standing eager, faced towards a wall. Bundles of newspaper structure the room, stalagmites of old media. Looking closer we notice he's face-to-face with a poster which appears to be crudely taped to a full-body mirror. There's an uncomfortable silence. CUT TO: over-the-shoulder, the poster is J. Jonah Jameson and the eyes are torn out. Jason's eyes are perfectly positioned in the reflection. He grabs at the poster and sheers a wedge down the face, revealing a now-lit cigar in Jason's mouth. It's an identical match. JASON (triumphant, but also kind of a whisper) Not today, Peter... No, today I become something so much more.