If I made a list of things for Jacob to do with his hands, playing video games wouldn't even crack the top ten.

Pineapple Pizza couldn't be any more Canadian if it came with free healthcare and apologized for being terrible after every bite.

Funhaus Dating Tip #481 Before attempting to engage in "pillow talk" with a new partner, always wait until your open weeping has subsided. It will make your apologies and promises of improvement easier to understand.

The only thing keeping James from beating off to his own reflection every morning is the fear of wasting two teaspoons of perfectly good protein.

Somebody should tell James that the secret to drawing a mole is to make sure the chin is extra wrinkly and there's plenty of curly hair around the base of the nose.

Oof. I got nothin'. You might just wanna dive in cold and let this one wash over you. Then take like fifteen showers to try and scrub it away.