Abandonware

When the OJ verdict finally came in, the kids in my high school were so shocked that they stopped giving me a pink belly for six whole seconds before pantsing me and tossing my Farscape novelization into the toilet.

Ah, 1996. 7th Heaven taught us how to love, Suddenly Susan taught us how to laugh, and a bottle of Herbal Essences taught a young Bones to be careful choosing what to beat off with in the shower.

Was 1997 the peak of disgusting, bloated, wonky, rock-hard fake tiddies, or do I need to adjust the dial on this time machine?

In 1998, Will Smith dominated the airwaves, releasing three hit singles, topping the previous year in which he released two teaspoons of what would eventually become Jaden.

Oh yeah, smart guy? Well, if Y2K never happened then why have I been drinking my own filtered urine in this bunker for the past 23 years?

Now, I'm not saying Train's 2000 hit "Meet Virginia" is the ONLY reason they flew those planes into the towers. "Kryptonite" by 3 Doors Down wasn't doing us infidels any favors either.