Welcome to the Dick Show, the show where everything is a contest. Everything dies suddenly, even when you know it’s coming. I spend the first 15 minutes of the show addressing the end of the Biggest Problem in the Universe in the only way I know how: sarcastic rhetorical questions.

Islam is a religion of peace and a political ideology of subjugation, conquest, and death. I don’t know what’s so difficult for people to understand about that. I try to untangle the knot in this HIGH ENERGY episode the only way I know how, by shouting.

Get out your tea set and your white gloves and get ready for some Hot Goss. I start the episode with a moment of silence for the deletion of the Biggest Problem in the Universe website. A deletion that sent a great disturbance through the force–not the force of goodness and light.

You can’t spell implying without lying. Erstwhile on Dick, I address a number of beefs and speculations floating around the internet in the only way I know how: by encouraging more! If you’d like to throw some gas on the fire, send your theories on why the Biggest Problem in the Universe ended.

Jesse Williams, who recently gave a speech at the BET Awards about cultural appropriation, is half white and half black. I think it’s his white half that objects to “this invention called whiteness” “extracting our culture…like oil – black gold”.

For Immediate Release, if you love Black Iron Man Woman, Marvel has a new slew of inclusive superhero reboots coming this summer. You’ll never guess who is autistic and who has mutant AIDS, so you’d better just read Marvel’s press release for THE SUMMER OF INCLUSION.

Belt-o-phobes, Pokeman Go, guns, Hot Goss on Tim Changzzzzz, The Rage Lottery, more trans issues, a caller asks how to meet girls in a world dominated by the Beautiful Ones, and Sean’s audio equipment fails completely and needs to be replaced. Thank Trump for all my Dick Supporters on Patreon.

This week, Sean rakes in the compliments because of his stupid handsome face, I talk America’s newest past-time, America’s oldest past-time, how to win at Pokeman Go, Robbin (female) Higgins stops by to tell us what makes her a rage, Robin (male) sends in an Erotic Stories From Real Men

The podcast helps someone become an astronaut, gummy vitamins make me a rage, the DNC turns me into an evil Care Bear, Denzel has an alcohol opportunity, Tylre Perri’s Black Out, and Dustin gets into reddit drama. All this and more on this episode of The Dick Show!

The Cuck Olympics, fans send snacks, the disgusting state of men’s bathrooms, the disgusting-er state of women’s bathrooms, Lifetime gets something right, new lighting equipment, sexual harassment in the workplace and how to get away with it, big boobs and their magical powers, and Sean agrees to read an erotic story

Larry Bleidner attempts to read an Erotic Story, Morlocks and Eloys don’t mix, my beef with Marc Maron reaches a flash point, tech support during the apocalypse, new drops from Tim Changzzzzz, the light and dark side of magic, the culture of idea sharing, the time Sean and I slept together; all this and more on this episode of the Dick Show!

Our audio problems are fixed forever, Dick Supporters on Patreon.com have a new enhanced video feed, my Life Coach stops by and doesn’t plug his Twitter, Marc Maron gets triggered, I why Maddox is now giving away the Biggest Problem Bonus Episodes, a New Challenger emerges from reddit, Dustin digs himself out; all this and more on this episode of the Dick Show!

I have a piss fiasco and try to push the borders of mansplaining, Sean discusses awkward, Dr. Fakeman calls in with an update on Hillary Clinton’s health, I bring in the actual biggest problem in the universe, my man calls in from the desert, I send a call out to fellow fingernail; all this and more on this episode of the Dick Show!

My man gets a fake marriage and then does too many drugs, I discover the world’s greatest pick-up line, a bike I stole gets stolen, we have several altercations with the angsty powers that be at Burning Man, Camp Furry, casual references to literary classics, the Trumpyx, and cucumbers are the devil’s dick; all this and more on this episode of the Dick Show!

The alchemy of a bender, Hillary Clinton halts and catches fire, the black vote, my life coach’s secret Twitter account, Bill Cosby’s Democracy in America, I learn what is an AA, Denzel’s dream body, my workout routine, my reaction to Bill Burr’s reaction to me and the ensuing inception, the media; all this and more on this episode of the Dick Show!

Sean’s rates, the moment that changed my life forever, Pepe the frog, smelled-a-fart racism, peeing with your pants around your ankles, listening to your dick, AA is a suicide cult, “I’m safe”, how many downloads, Hot Goss and why I am the Joan Rivers of podcasting, things Sean has lost; all this and more on this episode of the Dick Show!

Download the MP3 I accidentally share something, Joe Starr talks about winning an Emmy, I get a list of demands Black Lives Matters, Piss Whistlers, we play a round of Drunk, Sober, High with Jordan, David Clegg calls in to call everyone a liar, waut3rboi, my favorite quote, Maddox’s girlfriend doxxes Asterios; all this and more on this episode of the Dick Show!

iOS 10, car seat adjustments, Persian racing rim upgrades, accidental heroes, my personal and professional reputation, why the Biggest Problem in the Universe ended, The Job Lynch Mob, Trump and I release our taxes, my faith in the UCB comedy scene is destroyed, Chump Syndrome, free speech; all this and more on this episode of the Dick Show!

I bully a bus, 837,000 things wrong with San Fransisco, the biggest Patreon in history, fat Halloween music, MadCucks calls in, a financial analyst finds discrepancies in the Biggest Problem accounting, music to rage too, Elon Musk tries to kill God, making erotic stories great again, the bro code, Trump’s locker room; all this and more on this episode of the Dick Show!

The law, the Bone Zone, my inner monologue, Gorilla Mindset, real magic words, Cuck-mate, sucker-punching, red pills, blue pills, and black pills, the war on men, Carlos Slim, what is a defamation, Sean gets asked his name, Dustin attends a Trump rally, author and free-speech activist Mike Cernovich; all this and more on this episode of the Dick Show!

The duality of man, a news babe, a listener fist fight, Halloween scams, scary erotic stories, Reddit backlash, adventures in misspelling in advertising, MadCucks’ new book, viral video school, Astorios Kokkitales from Asterios Kokkinos, and who is a Stalin? All this and more this week on The Dick Show!

DickTales, the curse of a home pool table, boob scams, a cross-eyed race car driver, ruined shorts, Sean wants to see my cock, cigar advice from Sean’s dad, Asterios lingers, leaked concession speeches, Tom Phillips comes home, Lettuce Jones goes to prison, a debate with the Sneaky Greek, gifts, gifts, gifts. All this and more this week on The Dick Show!

Spy vs. Spy with married guys, the results of The Great Debate, Never-ending stories and the storytellers who never-end them, putting Vaseline on your eyes, more dong talk, what to do with a cheating mom, a news babe comes in with some amazing shoes, Asterios rants while I get the door. All this and more this week on The Dick Show!

I welcome our new Pepe overlords, peace and understanding in riots, Madcucks pitches his wares and doubles down for 2020, the Rage Board finally gets some rules, getting out of cars slowly, nightmares my face has caused, subscription personalities, how to win at identity politics, the future of Lettuce Jones. All this and more this week on The Dick Show!

Thumb wars, liquor gravity, a terrifying mob of 20-year-old men, Team Snapchat, a Duck Tales revenge fantasy, the 200-pound hangover, a day in the life, goofy chip flavors, Denzel’s movie, Asterios’ shame, an open letter to your family this Thanksgiving, new t-shirts, a listener boxing match, I get slipped a Mickey.

Blernsday and the 30-hour work week, BCC mistakes and the chamber of shame, Castro’s diaper, dating a Blackula, cowboy dick pics, the shitty Gildan T-shirts that Maddox sells in his store to make an extra buck, Tooth Fairy Truthers, The Rage Lottery: two men enter one man leaves, celebrities call in with their problems.

The Booger Bandit, sweet-talking movers, bedroom starfish, the Country Mouse and the Shitty Mouse, pizza Jesus, Sean and his raise and also many sexual exploits, the time I was ejected from a Flight of the Conchords concert, Maddox and his shitty Gildan T-shirts, more celebrities call in.

The Eve from Wall-E toilet, Sean is gone, way too much popcorn, Denzel’s non-sequitur trash talking, MadCucks defends his network, the Golden Goose of Goss, F is for Feminism, The War on Drugs vs. Automatic Updates, Lettuce Jones’ big reveal to reveal, Cameron Hermens melts down, and Hollywood Randy busts balls; all this and more on this episode of Info Desk!

My Life Coach ruins my Christmas party, a SECRET SKETCH from Sam Hyde, the Jerk-Off Time Warp, the drive to pee outside, thinking like a hot chick, crossing guards, lady-dentists and why they are out to get you, Tequila, how to ruin a Ted Talk, Charity Regret, eliminating all prisons, The Apple.

How I ruined Christmas, Sean sends more letters from the battlefield, how to get away with anything, highschool, Madcucks loses his temper, exotic presents from the far East, what exactly is the problem with church, a nationwide database of viruses, a sure-fire gambling system that the casinos don’t want you to know ...

I get kicked out of a bar with Rocket Man, Sean watches golf, we plan a World War II re-enactment, Oktoberfest, Asterios makes a staggering bet regarding his ex-wife, Peach Saliva calls in to chew someone out, a bouncer gets his penis touched, Lettuce Jones tells us why he’s going to jail, …

Patreon ruins what’s left of my personal and professional reputation, my car becomes an underbuggy, I get the worst news of my life, Sean gets a Paraguayan hype man, wauterboi drops his new album, spells his name, and talks about his mom’s birds, The Rage Board has a new champion, saying Excuse Me ...

Burn school, the kiss of death, the time I ruined my dad’s new car, threesomes with Alexa, Golden Shower arguments, I know I am but what am I, an erotic story two for one, the death of Optimus Prime, 24-hour news cycles, Santa Cuck and the Season of Cucksmas ...

Mayhem in the suburbs, training manuals I am in, a DickHead goes to Washington, email threats, Liarexia, I bring in a stats, those stupid chips on new credit cards, Liquor Event Horizon, comedian Justin Rupple, Vince Vaughn gives Maddox a pep talk about his dying brand, the many ways women steal ...

Crying in front of other men, a strip club ghost town, The Delete-o Bantido rides again, Peach Saliva and her extremely inappropriate fan fiction, a DickHead divides Shia LaBeouf, getting your money back, peeing sitting down, liquor gravity, Sean gets legit upset, The Dick Show RPG, a meteor of money ...

A legacy of cables, the stormtroopers of the anti-fascist league, Consuelo’s podcast, a bonus episode from an alternative dimension, opinions from people who’ve never punched anyone, investing tips from a guy whose car is zip tied together, Layc reads the news, in-studio fertility testing, evidence of crying, the post-episode 77 sit down

he war on white people, Dr. Manhattan’s dong, drunk children, a Shangri-La of hot, available women, a parade of the awkward and a life spent trying not to hurt people, Clegg blames me for everything, violence in bars, stories from the trolling front lines, The Enigma rides again ...

Boner mysteries, iPhone Hawks, Bad Psychologists, Harmful Opinions, Cards Against Humanity, making your mom sleep in the car, anime, degeneracy, a new erotic stories bumper, Star Trek shrines, the evolution of the human mind, in defense of Madcucks, in defense of Dustin, in defense of America, The Consuelo Podcast ...

If the moon landing was a joke, a plan comes together, DIY glow in the dark pee, Seder pranks, period boobs, Lent, “Santa Cuck: Bald Headed Lies” becomes immortal, the science of spite, the organ of shame, hot chicks making goofy faces, the lazy gods among us, Consuelo’s final podcast, beating Adele ...

A Day Without a Woman, Flasks: can’t live with em, can’t live without em, people who live in bath houses shouldn’t throw soap, Madcucks defends Madbux, Sean’s favorite Star Trek, a Menards update, Lettuce Jones calls from prison, the official Billboard charts, Project: Episode 108, a dick mold bet, a dick pic ...

Madcucks vs. Existence, another #1 hit, Lowtax eats a hamburger, our favorite memes, trademark disputes, there are no jokes on the internet, someone threw away all my Pogs, Sean finally is a rage, Uwe Boll the jerk, I offer a bounty for the He Will Not Divide Us flag, wasting Randy’s time ...

The Billboard Prank, squirrel farts, getting locked out of Twitter, Philly sells out in three hours–SO WE GET A BIGGER VENUE, manspreading at the gym, Larry’s secret petting zoo, cat yoga, party ghosts, time wasters and the time police, hockey, real talk with customer service, the mid-life crisis of fifth graders ...

The clap, the Dick Show Tattoo, pranks, the mayor of chick town, the Dickbute, the creators of the 8chan list, another nonsensical rant about healthcare, Denzel can’t skate, morons at intersections, “letting you go” and workplace suggesters, an invasion of space aliens, NHS, fraud, Loudmouth Leah, a Road Rage update, a billboard ...

Losing count of beers, family reunions, ruining talent shows, Lowtax’s weird audio, the confusion of ubiquitous content, farmers, rental car insurance and other scams, line cutters, the time Sean was a rock star, Asterios’ roommate, April Fools pranks, houses that you build yourself, more on the billboard, more on Philly, more Goss ...

Preventing late podcasts, Liquor pacing, Madcucks vs Existence #2, Dodger's opening day, Buckley's edible hat, stealing from the rich and giving to myself, Randy's smooth-talking, bad neighbors, why Buckley was banned from the delivery room, Ginger Ale's hand-drawn tattoo, The Five-Life, girl and boy cartoon shows, hot chicks farting on planes, the Middle East is a money pit, Sam Glaze, My Room Records, Laughter Therapy with Sean, the biggest prank in the universe, The Best Book in the Universe, and the most 2.5 million downloads in the universe; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Joshua Tree, my plan for Philly, selling t-shirts, folding tents, friendly Australians and their drive-by G'days, the true test of camping, "Sean answers", Peach demonstrates how to hug properly, Coach eats some chocolate, bad wedding toasts, my The_Donald AMAA, Coach borrows my parents' truck, Peach "finds" my diary, 80s girl saves someone's life, more laugh tracks, Maddox's book title: the Biggest Rehash in the Universe, and all of Los Angeles loses its internet; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Road Rage: Philly and the people who got kicked out, your brain the drug dealer, how to buy beer, Asterios' Dustin smack-down, an army of Seans, The Leviathan, Ken M and civil discourse on the Internet, dress codes, Sean reacts to the live show, a mod from The_Donald teases us with his Trump sci-fi novel, chicks who love Disneyland, The Matrix reboot, ATM fees, rock climbers and other people I want to punch in the mouth, Ken M gets banned from The_Donald live, someone borrows a lighter from Asterios, the Science Friction podcast, Digibro and his robe and his associates, The Dick Show jazz remix, and Juan the Road Rage Champ; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Secondary Audio Programming, the Science Justice Warrior, the failures of high school Spanish, getting fat, how many lies it takes to save the world, a Trump pinata knife altercation, fool's liquor, Dustin's man-on-the-street bit, apostrophe's, women and their purses, Consuelo's Cinco de Mayo podcast, three-act emasculation, taking ten minutes to say goodbye, headrest hunchbacks, the panicked phone calls of a county run-off, the next two Road Rage cities, Sean gets a Star Trek shirt, I get a pen, and Madcucks gets a podcast; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

A Day of Interrupting, television addiction, Big Breakfast is killing you, Sean's voice is killing you, Asterios vs. WarOfTheFanBoys, the billboard, The Dick Show sends an autism to Cannes, being on Gavin McInnes, pointless research on gender binaries, cringe-ophobia, airlines and my biggest fantasy, the adventures of Cadyver, Phteven's various side businesses, Dustin's first bit, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the time Tucker Max hit on my girlfriend, whatever happened to Lettuce Jones, Layc is single, and Sean interrupts me while I'm working it; all that and more this week on The Dick Show.

The Vietnamese man who taught me how to fight, Sean's wedding story, the redaction of a lifetime, false HR complaints, Twitch addiction, Sean's last fist fight, Asterios' Butterbean training regimen, Uber pools, Reverend Scott, compliance, phone calls with dogs, my man is moving to Abu Dhabi, Don't Legalize It, Van Halen, The Goss Squad, Fool's Liquor Round 2, sharing, crying, and like ten hours of podcasting; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!