Road Wars

Pat & Carl (with a little help from Conrad and Dave) arrest the world’s noisiest car thief. Who’s on a push-bike. Seriously! Derek’s account of a stolen car being driven by a 15 year old lad who broke his leg (Derek’s leg not the boy's) Pat & Carl’s snowbound arrest with champers and roast. Oh and Pat trying not to slip over. Pete & Grant respond to an urgent call in Oxford to a burglary in progress that turns out to be workmen. If only plumbers came that quickly....... An uncredited appearance by Carl in a pre-TV32 motorway chase and arrest. Derek & Grant stop a lad in Slough who just can’t tear himself away from his phone – much to Grant’s annoyance. Pat & Carl arrive to take the driver away while Grant goes to see his dad (the lad’s dad that is….) Grant talks us through a chase in heavy rain towards London on the M4 and gives the viewer a chance to see what these guys can REALLY do in a car. Superb. Derek & Grant on the Slough Trading Estate chasing a car without lights, with quite possibly the world’s dimmest teenager at the wheel: “Am I in trouble? Why am I in trouble?” D’oh! Silly girl. Pete & Tony and the taxi fight. Just another Friday night in Slough eh lads? Nice.

Parts proves himself monumentally unfit while Pat & Carl and Robb & Tony collectively scare the pants off a disqualified driver in Reading. Derek & Grant along with Pat & Carl chasing a stolen beamer in Slough. Pat & Carl chase the occupants once they’ve decamped, Derek discovers what appalling music taste the driver has, and Grant finds a stuck-on number plate with the real one underneath. Naughty naughty... Derek & Grant check up on a disqualified driver who is still driving. Silly girl. Upon returning to the station with her, Grant’s tracker is activated. It’s time to go a-hunting.... Pat & Carl are tracking with tracker (not the chewy cereal bar!) and strike gold with a brand new VW golf. A Very Nice Car (as Pat said) Pat & Carl playing the "Subaru Tag Game" in Slough and frustratingly not catching the original driver. Curses. Derek responds to an urgent "officer in need of assistance" in Slough High Street, and quickly takes control of an aggressive drunk who’s trying to resist arrest. Nice one Delboy!

Pat & Carl on the Britwell Estate deal with two silly boys in hoodies and errr....marigold gloves. Steve the camera man proves his worth by sitting on an escapee. Derek & Grant chase the druggie in the red track suit in Slough. Pat & Carl back on the Britwell with the bad man who wears too many clothes, is confused about his diary and who he is. Weird! Pat & Carl in Windsor; with the case of the screaming toddler. Pat’s face says it all. Derek & Grant stop the car with four lads, one spliff, no lights and the driver who’s only been driving for four days. (sounds like the makings of a joke if you ask me…!) You couldn’t make it up. A classic clip and Derek dealing out the riot act. Superb!

Tony & Robb arrest one of the most obnoxious criminals ever seen on RW and apparently is one of the few people who objects to being on TV, 'coz he kicks the camera man. What a charming fellow. Derek & Grant attend an accident in Stoke Poges in one of the most baffling wedged car scenarios ever! A case of you couldn’t do that if you tried! Tony & Robb are in Reading where Robb is indulging in his favourite past-time: door smashing. Grant in an uncredited appearance in a Subaru chase in Burnham and the Britwell. The chase ends in a traveller’s camp and the driver disappears into thin air...or a caravan. TVP grab the car and make a tactical retreat. Wise move chaps! Pat & Carl are on the trail of the mobile phone thieves, which forces Carl to investigate the mankiest oven ever seen on UK television! (Carl, you’re a brave man mate 'coz I wouldn’t have touched it hehe) Tony & Robb in Reading with the UK’s most liberal mother…..who has no tax, no insurance, oh and guess what? No licence either! D’oh!

Pat & Carl are assisted by Murphy the dog who finds a bloke in the garden. The bloke is terrified by Murphy. Serves him right. Pat & Carl in Chalvey: with the idiot who nicked the bedding and his even stupider mate. Tony arrives and he doesn’t believe them either. Pat & Carl back in Chalvey, hunting for a stolen car. And look - it’s the idiot from the bedding-nicking incident. Pete & Carl in Slough High Street (surrounded by what looks like half the inhabitants of Slough!), arresting the stupider mate who shoves his drugs in an unmentionable place (eewwww) and indulges in a spot of Pete-biting. Poor Pete! Pat & Carl come across the first car thief ever to be caught red handed on the telly. He fails of course, but then what do you expect with our intrepid heroes on his heels? Pat & Carl in Slough with the mini-cab driver who doesn’t seem to understand the phrase "change the tyre"........ Grant in an uncredited appearance with Jamie Gilson (his pre-Derek partner) in Bracknell chasing the chap who prefers to drive on the pavement rather than the road. Grant & Jamie in another uncredited appearance chasing a drunk driver in reading with a smoking finish…. Pete & Chris meet the "Prince" who objects to having to buy a tax disc. Or talk to the police. Incidentally, this was Chris' first day on the unit!

Pat & Carl chase a stolen car that reeks of cannabis and Carl finds an icky nappy. (eeeeewww) Pat & Carl in the grounds of a Milton Keynes hospital, chasing a lad who’s causing mayhem that ends with the death of a wall. Can he be charged with “brick-icide” as well as his other offences ?! Derek & Grant in Chalvey. Errrr.. except it’s not Derek!! An unknown officer is paired with Grant as they pull someone with a worse case of Tourette’s than Chris….. Tony & Robb are in Reading where the people don’t seem to hear the sirens whilst sat in traffic, and tackle a whining shoplifter. Grant in an uncredited chase on the A4 in Colnbrook, with a 17 year old who has no idea as to what the phrase ‘speed limit’ actually means. Pat & Carl in Chalvey, stop the bloke with over 70-odd needles in his boot. Wow, that’s some habit. Derek & Grant and the chap with 7 points on his licence, and a mate who has a seriously bad attitude.....how Derek kept his cool is remarkable (but that's what the training is for eh?) Pat & Carl and the drunk Emos in Slough, with the mother who was not very happy! Carl's closing remark was a classic (but very true!)