Your Brain On Cracked

This week - for Halloween - recently disbarred and put-behind-bars “Doctor” Jordan Breeding wonders if Rose worked that body too hard in Get Out, if the Haunting of Hill House’s ending is actually not that happy, and spends a weird amount of time talking about how great Upgrade is. There’s also a bit in there about Glass and even Invisible Man makes an “appearance.” It’s been too long, kids.

What would happen if Jack and Rose swapped genders in 'Titanic'? What about if 'The Shape of Water' starred a lonely male janitor going to town on a lady fish? What if Marty's Mom in 'Back to the Future' was a peeping... Jane? "Doctor" Jordan Breeding is back to diagnosis just how angry and confused everybody would be. The answer is... a lot, probably.

Have you ever wondered whether STAR WARS lasers were better than normal guns? Maybe pondered if MINORITY REPORT cops should consider making a back-up of those wooden balls? Thought it strange that computer hacking is so... interactive in JOHNNY MNEMONIC and TRON? Well, obviously "Doctor" Jordan Breeding has, and he's about to diagnose the heck out of advanced sci-fi movie technologies that are worse than what we have now.

Have you ever thought it strange that Marty McFly’s grandparents left him unconscious for nine hours in BACK TO THE FUTURE? How about God’s willingness to let BRUCE become ALMIGHTY? Is Santa a real jerk in ELF? “Doctor” Jordan Breeding returns this week to wish you Happy Holidays and uncover a bunch of secret nut jobs hiding in some of your favorite movies. Sorry.

What are the mutant historians like in 'Logan' or the NYC attack truthers in 'Ghostbusters' or the true-crime enthusiasts in 'The Terminator'? Movie universes are much larger than the seven people we follow during the movie, but who the heck lives there and what are they up to? "Doctor" Jordan Breeding returns to deep dive into a few cinematic universes and ring in the new year the only way he knows how.

Despite the vast and wondrous spectrum that is man, modern Hollywood franchises like Mission Impossible, James Bond, and the DCEU all seem to have extremely specific ideas of what a man is supposed to be… and they’re not super great - in many ways even when compared to 80s action heroes! “Doctor” Jordan Breeding digs into it all, because he is a man - give or take.

Have you ever wondered if the atrocities of World War II took place in Cars? What about if that sad, little shoe in Who Framed Roger Rabbit ever managed to get to heaven? Curious what became of Mufasa’s body in Lion King? Well, you better believe “Doctor” Jordan Breeding has, and he’s going to share his diagnosis on some of the most secretly tragic Disney movies of all time whether you like it or not!

Did Obi-Wan WANT Padme and Anakin to get together in Star Wars? Was John Connor encouraging Kyle Reese to get with his mom in Terminator? Should Passengers have given Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence an entirely different ending? “Doctor” Jordan Breeding slips into something a bit more comfortable to take a deeply embarrassing look at some of film’s most deeply disturbing romantic couples. So grab a glass of something bubbly, and start your Valentine’s Day Weekend the right way.

Presumably, every single writer in Hollywood was at some point in time a teenager. At the very least, they probably inject themselves with teenage blood in order to keep their organs strong and their skin moist. So how in the world do they know nothing about them? Thankfully, “Doctor” Jordan Breeding is oft accused of having a teenage sense of humor, so join him as he tears apart teenage movie tropes that have no grounding in reality.

Superhero movies are here to stay and so, apparently, are their super strange tropes like superwomen smiling after being punched, "serious" superhero films taking place in insane asylums, and longing for some romance always leading to a loss of superpowers. “Doctor” Jordan Breeding is technically out this week, but thankfully The Incredible Spider-Professor Angry Hands Hammer Man is here to save the day!

Movies are really fun as long as you don’t stop and smell the civilian casualties or take stock of how many fish Aquaman sends to their deaths or how many people Spider-Man lets get obliterated by a crane or how Ready Player One’s Wade Watts is even less cool than we think. “Doctor” Jordan Breeding returns this week to point out all sorts of little depressing details that were snuck into movies that you probably never noticed!

In the real world, most trade policies and financial systems are built by economists or businessmen or dudes on r/wallstreetbets who have some sort of training or expertise in that area. In movies like Star Wars, Harry Potter, and John Wick, it’s all designed by people who mostly have training in explosions and expertise in booby scenes. And… it shows. Today, “Doctor” Jordan Breeding and Your Brain On Cracked return to make sense of the movie monies.

Now that Zack Snyder’s Justice League has released, “Doctor” Jordan Breeding uses a very special episode of Your Brain On Cracked to point out how pretty much everybody sucks at driving in the movie.

In the Season 2 Finale of Your Brain On Cracked, “Doctor” Jordan Breeding celebrates the show’s one year anniversary as well as mourns Caleb’s death/move to Austin, Texas. He also uses the opportunity to discuss how messed up coming of age movie tropes are in films like Power Rangers, Animorphs, Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Transformers, and X-Men and maybe even grows up a bit himself.