Returns and Reassignments PLANET - CAUTION, UNATTRIBUTED ERROR Misalignment detected, unable to locate consultant/clone

CLIENT - ORIENTATION No client assigned, orientation and training session. Cost for lost time will be deducted from those in receipt of theoretical salaries.

CLIENT - Kaliah Tallett Client is interested in a shrine to their mouse god. Suggested sales tactics: shouting, religious deception, surprise, platinum mouse guardians, Kicking Tithe.

CLIENT - Fugatissiman and/or Archexianniam The client(s) is/are interested in a birthday party planet for their niece, Rosie Nix (they are turning 6). Suggested sales tactics: by decree of Trexel the Mighty, exploit work/life unbalance, withhold things wanted, upselling.

CLIENT - Sales Review ALERT - NO SALES LINE MANAGER LOCATED FOR CITIZEN EMPLOYEE T. GEISTMAN (ID 362884) AND BIO FACSIMILE DAVID 7 (ID 95847335). ASSESSING HUMAN RESOURCE DISTRIBUTION…PROMOTION APPROVED, REROUTING LINE MANAGER.

CLIENT - Kaldor the Chitinous The client(s) is/are interested in a planet to reflect their hard outer shell and rich inner life. Suggested sales tactics: emotional blackmail, lean in to immorality, ignore personal promises, clean Perkins, burn down the school, shuck the client, *ANOMALY* bio-facsimile leading the meeting. May the Board have mercy on their souls.

CLIENT - Bee Frost The clients are interested in a factory planet to create their own stars. Suggested sales tactics: ignore the client... entirely. ALERT - INTERNAL I.M.O.G.E.N. OVERRIDE DETECTED, ANY SECRET HATCHES OBSERVED CAN BE NEITHER CONFIRMED NOR DENIED.

CLIENT - Attia Novellia The client is interested in a planet as a talking point for their social media posts. Suggested sales tactics: rewrite history, engage in destructive nostalgia, brazen hollow mockery, buttery animals.

CLIENT - Stefan the Mantis Shrimp The client(s) is/are interested in a planet to celebrate their ten thousandth birthday. Suggested sales tactics: globe thievery, emotional outbursts, unwanted backstory, reckless endangerment, moral quagmires.

CLIENT - Sales Review ALERT - TTRPG detected, Security alerted

CLIENT - Agent 42069 of the [REDACTED] Agency The client(s) is/are interested in a facility to train and test spies. Suggested sales tactics: Spy on the spy, Trenchcoat!, Xylophagia, Portable AI.

CLIENT - Sub-Manager Paxt Scrum The client(s) is/are interested in a dangerous location for team building purposes. Suggested sales tactics: narrative constructs, feigned interest, tedium pits, olive branches.

CLIENT - Yinly Strong The client is interested in a planet on which they can work out and gain rad muscles whilst also raising bees to produce muscle honey.

CLIENT - Ethel Unction Yeems The client is interested in a planet for the ongoing education and social development of young sentient lifeforms, whether they like it or not.

CLIENT - Sales Review ALERT - Safety protocols deactivated, external control links detected.

CLIENT - Drydon Quigley, Security ALERT - Department reassignment. Drydon, a General Thug from Security would like to be rescued from a locked security office. Expeditor’s recommendation - goad the gun walls, wait out the problem (life), try not to worry about it too much, don't get compacted. ALERT - Safety protocols deactivated, external control links detected.

CLIENT - Doug Whimperton, Marketing Doug, an A.A.S.S.U.S.S.D.M. from Marketing, would like to not have very similarly named co-workers with the surname Whimperton. Expeditors' recommendations: let the board take care of it, Whimperton murder, be drunk on privilege, feed your rival to the ground to make it drunk. ALERT - Safety protocols deactivated, external control links detected.

CLIENT - Kathbier Ninden, Office of Redundancy and Explosion Management Kathbier, a Planetside Relations Programmer would like assistance with the exponential growth of solar system destroying explosions. Expeditors' recommendation: extended noir scenes, rejection of reality, follow the money, take it to the top, take it to a different top, apply basic logic.

CLIENT - Axel Nee Juul, Legal - Blame Deflection and Excuses Axel Nee Juul, a Creative Writer in the Legal department is looking for assistance with an ongoing attack from a pack of rabid prosecutors. Expeditors’ recommendation: bring in a mediator, shake it out, smile through it, accept the hatred and silence, try the old switcheroo, j'accuse!

CLIENT - Expediting Review ALERT - Org Chart updated, unspecified alterations to reporting structure, unscheduled additions to Executing Track shortlist.

CLIENT - Gonk, Cleaning - Disgruntled Gonk, a disgruntled and mopless cleaner, would like to have basic equipment and respect in return for his years of thankless service. Expeditors’ recommendations: Oh Gonk, weapons equal respect; mutually assured hammers; obey all the Trexmandments; find out which kind of god you are.

CLIENT - Welby Weatherby (Weatherboy), Maintenance - Atmospheric Control Monitor Welby, a consistently misnamed Atmospheric Control Monitor, would like to be known by his proper name and not his mean nickname. Expeditors’ recommendations: mind your lung-bottom, ruin the meter, IMOGEN is a social influencer, heed the memo, indiscriminate nicknaming, abandon your name, weak historical puns.

CLIENT - Tracer P. Zazz Cage, The Face. The Face needs quarters not infested by space cats and it is starting to affect their mission critical work, the work of being The Face. Expeditors’ recommendations: general gushing, do not succumb to the cylindrical cats, force it to be worse to force it to be better, avoid further con…..ALERT, FILE CORRUPTION, SYSTEMS OVERRIDE DETECTED

CLIENT - Error 404: Consultants not found Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted Security Alerted

CLIENT - Expediting Review *ALERT* Line manager review failed due to absenteeism. Standards breach. Case referred to Standards for assessment. Line manager employment status to be reviewed.