Only available on the Christmas with RiffTrax: Santa's Village of Madness DVD

In this thrilling opening episode, Batman Takes Over...an hour to arrive at the crime scene, because he drives an ordinary car instead of a Batmobile. And, standing in for stately Wayne Manor, a slightly-less-stately suburban home. Batman and thirty-something boy wonder Robin are hot on the trail of The Wizard, so named for his lack of magic powers or costume resembling a wizard’s in any way. Speaking of costumes, Batman & Robin store theirs in a drawer in a FILING CABINET. And, and, and...well there’s too much great Bat-wrongness to tell here, you really just need to see this. So squeeze into an ill-fitting costume, buckle your utility belt (ordinary belt), and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Batman Takes Over!

In Batman: Tunnel of Terror, the second episode, our heroes continue their quest for the elusive Wizard in a frightening new setting. A terrifying tunnel of some kind, you ask? No, why on Earth would you think that? What are you even talking about? Forget tunnels, but the world’s greatest detectives DO manage to get themselves lost on some ordinary park trails, the kind retired grandparents walk for leisure, if the mall is closed. The action in this episode spans planes, trains, and automobiles (regular automobiles, the kind Batman drives in this series, definitely NOT Batmobiles) as the dynamic duo hunt for answers. But one question remains...WHERE IS GABE??? Join Mike, Bill, and Kevin in a swan-shaped boat for a romantic ride through Batman: Tunnel of Terror!

Fine, you’re right, that’s not really the wild ride, and Disneyland hadn’t even been built when this short was made. The ACTUAL wild ride is...completely absent. Seriously, if you can find anything that would count as Robin’s Wild Ride in this thing you must be under the influence of the villainous Wizard, or perhaps his rarely seen but much beloved henchman, Gabe. But never fear, this episode is packed with all the shlubby costumes, sleepy superheroes, ordinary vehicles, and stumble-drunk fight choreography you’ve come to expect! Join Mike, Bill, and Kevin for the Wildest, Ridey-est Batman short yet!

Yes, it’s back to the famous gentle rolling hills and remote forest cabins of Gotham City for another installment of this classic superhero serial! Picking up immediately after Robin’s Wild Ride (there was no wild ride) we’re thrown right back into the action when Batman gets trapped in Batman Trapped! Okay he doesn’t really get trapped, per se, but we do get to see the Caped Crusader climb a gentle incline with great difficulty! And it takes a while! He seems pretty tired! The mysterious Wizard and his squad of gangsters (except for Gabe, who spends this episode offscreen picking up Gatorades for the gangsters’ weekly pickup basketball game, he’s such a thoughtful guy) are still at it, kidnapping various scientist types and stealing various science-type things. What’s their endgame? Nobody’s quite sure, including the World’s Greatest Detective and the people who wrote this serial! Get Trapped with Mike, Kevin, and Bill!

If you’ve been following the Batman serial saga (in the same sense that your great aunt’s recent boil lancing was a ‘saga’), you certainly know what to expect by now: The event in the title, Robin Rescues Batman does not occur in the episode. Robin slurs his lines like your great aunt after she proved difficult during the boil lancing and had to be sedated. No actual plot developments of consequence occur. Oh really? Oh really smart guy? Are you so sure about that last one? Though there may not be an actual rescue of Batman by Robin, this episode does contain something which has been board certified as an actual plot development, possibly even an honest to god twist! Also, rumor has it that a certain henchman, heretofore only implied by our wishful riffers, may make an appearance. Join Mike, Kevin, Bill, Ives, and The Wizard’s mantrap installer for Robin Rescues Batman.

This sixth installment in the thrilling serial takes an unexpected turn when the Wizard and his gang, who previously had been targeting Batman and Robin, begin to Target Robin! Oh, and also still Batman. The bad guys are still targeting both of them, as they have from the beginning. These titles are meaningless. But the action continues! Just as our heroes continue to keep their costumes in a file cabinet in Bruce Wayne’s unfinished basement! And the World’s Greatest Detective continues to fall for traps set by a blundering crew of mobsters, who are really doing a great job keeping it together in the absence of their good friend Gabe, by the way. Will Batman and his middle-aged charge escape a chamber filling with deadly CO2 gas, which despite what you may have heard in science class is apparently completely visible? Tune in with Mike, Kevin, and Bill!

Having masterfully deflected that interrogation, Batman and Robin are free to pursue their archfiend The Wizard or perhaps determine where he keeps his secret magnetism machine. Technically, these goals are one and the same, as The Wizard never actually leaves the room with his secret machine in it, preferring instead to send his henchmen Earl, Neil, Gabe, Milo, Otis, and Slippy The Toad to do his dirty work for him. It’s something about capturing a train, or calling into Barry Brown’s radio show to win free tickets to Guy Lombardo, we think they may get around to addressing his actual goal in Episode 12. Batman and Robin audibly groan and pull several muscles as they inch ever closer to discovering The Wizard’s secret identity and perhaps getting themselves an actual closet to store their costumes as opposed to shoving them into a file cabinet in Episode 7 of the serial: The Deadly Blast!

In this installment of the vintage serial, Robin finally meets the Wizard! Yes, the boy wonder teams up with Fred Savage, strapping on Power Gloves to win the tournament and the hearts of gamers everywhere. No, sorry, wrong Wizard! Correction: Robin runs into Radagast the Brown, who confuses him with an ACTUAL robin and asks him to defecate in his hair like the rest of the birds do. No, no, no, also wrong, our notes are all mixed up here. Robin joins the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Cowardly Lion on a trip to the Emerald City, where the Great and Powerful Oz gives him what he really needs -- a job cleaning up after the horse of a different color. Oops, nope, nope, deepest apologies, turns out the Wizard that Robin meets is actually the knob-turning bad guy who’s been plaguing the dynamic duo since episode one! Also, he doesn’t even really meet him. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill as they also don’t meet the Wizard in Batman: Robin Meets the Wizard!

Fresh off of not actually meeting Robin in the previous installment, Robin Meets the Wizard, it’s only natural that the Wizard would be ready to not strike back in this episode, Batman: The Wizard Strikes Back! The series is really coming into focus now. After slicing open the Penguin with his trusty lightsaber, Batman stuffs his faithful companion Robin into the villain’s guts and prays the other rebels back at Echo Base will see his bat-signal before the dynamic duo freeze to death on the ice planet’s unforgiving surface. From there, Robin undertakes a solo mission to the Dagobah system to seek wisdom from the ancient swamp-dwelling mentor, Gabe. Will he get what he’s after before George Lucas decides to go back and gunk up the whole thing with a bunch of digital effects nobody asked for? Did we mix up our VHS tapes again? Tune in to find out! Yes, the madness is really starting to set in and the lines of reality are becoming hopelessly blurred in Batman: The Wizard Strikes Back!

Complete these lyrics: Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na… Batman? No, we’re sorry, those were the “na na na nas” from “Here Comes The Hotstepper” by Ini Kamoze.* Even though you failed the quiz, we’re still going to let you watch the tenth entry in the Batman serial, Batman’s Last Chance. In this episode, the Joker escapes from Arkham! Well, that’s not one hundred percent true. There is no Joker. But Arkham finally makes an appearance! Well, kind of. There’s a building called Markham. It’s not an asylum. It’s just a building. But for this series, we will classify that as a high point. And while this episode is lacking in iconic Gotham landmarks, it does have both Horse Art AND a Dog Statue, which you have to admit, are way cooler than Kite Man. Guys in hats run in hallways! The Wizard fiddles with knobs! The narrator finds hilarious ways to pronounce the word ruse! All this and more in the thrilling tenth installment Batman’s Last Chance!

If you’ve been watching the Batman serials up to this point, you know to expect disappointment with regard to the actions described in the title actually appearing in the serial. For example, Robin's Wild Ride did not contain a Robin partaking in a wild ride. Robin did not meet The Wizard in Robin Meets The Wizard; he was instead knocked unconscious from behind by The Wizard. One can only imagine that an episode called Robin Takes Oxygen Into His Lungs Then Expels it as Carbon Dioxide would involve the boy wonder standing around, cheeks bulging as he steadfastly refuses to draw a breath, only to eventually buckle onto the ground unconscious, hopefully dead. Which is why it comes as such a shock that Episode 11, Robin’s Ruse (rhymes with ‘goose’, of course) does in fact contain an honest-to-God ruse! Pulled off by Robin! And the ruse is this: Robin sort of crouches slightly outside a window and shines a flashlight into a room where The Wizard’s henchmen are gathered. Pretty clever ruse

After the shocking, pulse-pounding ending of Episode 11: Robin’s Ruse (rhymes with caboose), many Batman fans were left wondering how will they top that?! Will there be an episode where Batman debates between a name brand and store brand pancake mix? Will Gabe be forced to wait in line at the DMV for an additional two minutes when he forgets to take a number upon initially entering the DMV? Will Vicki Vale become briefly concerned when the check engine light in her car momentarily flickers? Sadly, none of these exciting options happens. We do however, inch ever so much closer to the finale of this series, Episode 15: Batman Disappoints Some Kids. We’ll also get to see some stuff that has never been seen before in this serial such as some thugs in a submarine—Wait, no… The Wizard fiddling with some knobs—hang on… A plane dropping bombs! That hasn’t happened before! Maybe it won’t be completely, totally, abjectly the lamest thing anyone has ever seen!*

As the latest episode of the Batman serial begins, Robin is speeding along in an...armored car? Hm, that actually sounds kind of cool… And it contains a remote control device called The Neutralizer? Intriguing, what's it do? Disables The Wizard's invisibility device!? Wow!! And in order to stop him, The Wizard's henchmen start dropping bombs out of a custom built plane!?! Holy cow! This must be the most exciting episoHAHAHAHAHAHAH you poor, deluded fool! Clearly, there’s no budget here to give that action sequence the treatment it deserves. There are however, scenes of octogenarian policemen, Barry Brown broadcasting, and three, count them, three scenes of the old rich cranky guy berating his butler. The titular superhero shows up too, we think, when he’s able to free his costume from the mess of old receipts and warranties that he also keeps in the file cabinet.

Oh, they all have their excuses: “I caught it on barbed wire.” “I snagged it on one of my mantraps.” “Gabe challenged me to Mumbly Peg.” “I hit the ‘stop’ button on my remote so emphatically during Episode 13 that it exploded, causing the injury.” So it’s up to Batman to do the trademark detective work that only he is capable of, namely, attempting to tell the difference between a barbed wire wound and a bullet hole. Will Batman be able to make this distinction? We have our doubts. We’re frankly not sure he’s been able to see a damn thing out of that mask throughout the entire serial. Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the penultimate entry in the Batman serial saga: Batman Vs. The Wizard! *I’m sorry, we’re being told this is actually just episode 14. We apologize for the entirely reasonable mistake.

Here it is, at last, the FINAL EPISODE chronicling Batman’s struggle against the Wizard! The suspense is thick, and everyone’s wondering: who will prevail and be victorious? Will it be the nefarious Wizard or -- wait, oh come on, it’s right there in the stupid title! That’d be like titling the Seinfeld finale “They wind up in jail” or the Lost finale “Don’t bother watching.” One thing the title doesn’t give away is the identity of the Wizard, most likely because the writers of the serial didn’t get around to deciding who that would be until they started shooting the final scenes of this episode. Is it the old occasionally-in-a-wheelchair guy? Or occasionally-in-a-wheelchair guy’s butler? Convenient-provider-of-exposition radio guy? Vicki Vale’s dead brother, who everybody seems to have completely forgotten about, including her? I think we all know the real answer: Gabe. Gabe, you beautiful mastermind, you’ve been pulling the strings all along! Bless you, sweet prince.

Studio version of Bridget and Mary Jo's 'The Griper', first riffed during RiffTrax Live: SUMMER SHORTS BEACH PARTY.

A hilarious short featuring Ronald McDonald and his pals(?) Stinky the Skunk and Merlin the Magician, who you may remember from our Christmas with RiffTrax holiday short.

FIELD TRIP! The good news: you’re all excused from school. The bad news? We’re going to Golden Corral. Yes, that’s right. After years of crafting extremely respectful new slogans, we’ve finally sent Mike, Kevin and Bill to the source itself, in search of the true Gold that can only be found in buffet form. Somewhere at the corner of a strip mall in the wilds of Minnesota, on the grayest day known to man, the guys enjoyed the meal of their lives. Was it also the last meal of their lives? You’ll have to tune in to find out!