You Can't Do That on Television

The Smurfs Meet Godzilla will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast must be brave to overcome stage fright as the show's ratings are higher then ever.

Laverne and Shirley Kill Each Other will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine is broke and the other cast members won't talk to her until she pays up what she owes them. In order to do the show, she pays them each a dollar to do their lines with her.

Dallas & Dynasty will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast explains their ambitions in life. Christine spends a lot of time explaining how she wants to be an actress.

Hobby Days will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine talks about fashion, her latest hobby.

The Twilight Zone Gets Redeveloped will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The crew fears a ghost is haunting the studio when strange things start happening. Lisa decides to perform an exorcism to get rid of it. In the sketches, the cast pokes fun at ESP and astrology, as well as magic in sketches like Genie of the Electric Lamp.

Masterpiece Theater will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine tries to become one of the shows writers, while Justin tries to track down the great author A. Nonymous. In the sketches, the cast looks at the classics of literature.

The Mickey Mouse Club will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine joins a health club, but isn't really interested in the club's healthy atmosphere.

Around the World in 80 Days will not be seen at this time so that we may present… Ross appears interested in world travel and foreign cultures, like the rest of the cast. Actually, Ross is only interested in playing ""exchange bank.""

Miss Piggy Sold to a Sausage Factory will not be seen at this time so that we may present... To raise money to keep the show on the air, the cast tries to sell water and green slime to viewers.

The Six Wives of Henry VIII will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast parodies historical events, as Alasdair traces his family history and Christine writes a research essay.

Real People's Armpits will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The show's cast competes to see who has the perfect body.

The Electric Company Blows a Fuse will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast takes another look at computers and robots. In the process, Ross tests out an interactive poll system. Viewers are supposed to touch the superimposed green and red squares on the screens to determine what happens next. The result: in the space of four minutes, Luke gets shot, Vanessa is slimed, and Lisa is forced to not say anything.

Mr. Rogers Gets Evicted will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine's family moves into a new house in the hills.

Boy George Without Makeup will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine puts a spell on Ross that causes evil ghosts to haunt him.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer Joins the A-Team will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Alasdair purchases a ton of mistletoe to try to get a kiss from one of the girls.

The A-Team Wreck Disneyland will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast tries to convince Ross to give them a holiday.

The college football game scheduled at this time between MIT and UCLA will not be seen because ""mitucla"" is a dirty word in Arundi Barundi. Alasdair tries to get a video game scholarship to get into college.

To Tell the Truth (with guest host Richard Nixon) will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Lisa is nominated by Christine to run for class president.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Wizard will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Alasdair tries to discover the formula for the green slime.

Family Ties Get Untied will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The show's producer is getting divorced, and his wife takes half of the show's stuff.

The Partridge Family Get Shot will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Ross' nephew visits the show, but doesn't get along very well with the cast.

The A-Team Makes One Cup of Coffee Last 5 Hours will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Alasdair becomes a street musician, while Ross acts as his manager. The rest of the cast spends the entire show sitting around doing nothing.

Mr. Wizard Shows You How to Make Rain will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Alasdair makes a weather machine, but it doesn't work correctly.

The Love Boat Goes on a Cruise Missile Cruise will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Alasdair forms an anti-war group (W.I.M.P.), while Ross argues that war is a necessary evil.

Knight Rider Wants a Ferrari will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast is jealous of Christine after she gets a raise.

Dunking for Dollars will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The series is sold to various foreign countries. Adam acts as millionaire Ronald Rump.