RiffTrax

The Hare & The Tortoise (3x180)

Air date: Oct 30, 2012

You are of course familiar with the story of The Hare & The Tortoise. It is part of the grand tradition of children’s fables such as The Grapes & The Fox, The Cash & The Tango, and The Being Written Backwards and The Why Are These Things. While fables such as these seem perfectly reasonable when you read them, their inherent madness truly becomes evident when filmmakers try to recreate them with real life animals. Racing tortoises is not a natural behavior of rabbits, and the unfortunate star appears to simply be attempting to flee the cheaply constructed set. In addition to the two titular animals, the short also features a goose, an owl, a fox and a raccoon, all of whom appeared terrified to be in close proximity to each other. You’ll learn important lessons as you watch a narrator impose sentient thought on a bunch of drugged-up animals, but the true lesson of The Hare & The Tortoise is that you should study hard in school so you don’t end up being the guy who has to clean up after the animals on the set of The Hare & The Tortoise.