You Can't Do That on Television

Kermit the Frog Tries to Cross the Highway will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The cast looks at all of the pets people have, some normal, some very strange.

You Can't Do That on Television will not be seen at this time so that we may present... In a drastic effort to improve ratings, Ross has Kevin burned at the stake. In the sketches, the cast looks at how advertisers try to get our attention.

General Hospital will not be seen at this time so that we may present... ""Doctor"" Lisa and ""nurse"" Luke help Christine, who has broken her leg just before show time.

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood will not be seen because the neighborhood has been declared unsafe. Ross forces the cast to follow new rules that the Union has made for child actors. Lisa is forced to eat a mud pie and loses her voice.

Life on Earth will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine learns to tell fortunes using a crystal ball. The cast also looks at the world of computers, and how they can help with the routines of daily life.

The Waltons Move to Mt. Saint Helens will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Kevin goes away on a camping trip, leaving Christine to listen to Lisa's constant chatter.

The Pillsbury Dough Boy (Serves Six) will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine takes up cooking, but she isn't good at it. They end up using her muffins as bricks.

The following program contains scenes that may not be suitable for mature audiences. Juvenile discretion is advised. The adult dressing room catches fire, and the kids have to put it out. Then the kids have to sacrifice their clothes so that the adults can resume shooting Richard III. The sketches are about how different kids and adults are treated.

Miss Piggy Sues the National Enquirer will not be seen at this time so that we may present... After the star is taken off her dressing room door and the locks are changed, rumors spread throughout the cast that Christine was fired.

Pavarotti Sings the Blues will not be seen at this time so that we may present... Christine takes up conducting as a hobby. In the sketches, the cast examines different musical instruments.

Laverne and Shirley Go to Finishing School will not be seen at this time so that we may present... The show's producers have written a book of manners, which Christine tries to explain.

Fame will not be seen at this time, but is desperately sought after by each member of our cast. Kevin decides to quit the show and become a big celebrity. He changes his name to Kevin Ilyanovich Rasputin Kubusheskie. Unfortunately, he isn't successful and he becomes desperate, resorting to playing the kid in the street interviews segment of the show, and even disguising himself as a letter in the closing credits.

You Can't Do That on Television will not be seen today in order that we may get your priorities straight. Ross is too busy watching a baseball game on TV to direct the show, so the cast is on their own to make the show.