The engines roar. The wheels roll. The great adventure is on. Noel Edmonds and his crew travel the world to bring you a show brimming with new features from places that other shows cannot reach. This first programme makes broadcasting history: the team are in the Channel Tunnel

It's hot! It's steamy! It's exotic! It's sensational! No - this isn't an advert for a late-night film - it's the next roadshow location. So, baggy shorts and stout boots at the ready. The men had better wear something practical as well. Who knows who may be encountered among the lichen and moss: Bros?

Do not throw away! This is your invitation' The show that never stops moving goes up-market. Formal dress required for a regal location. Please admit one. Tiaras optional.

If your teeth are chattering, tell them to shut up or you'll miss the best bits. Rub noses with your neighbour - you may be huddling together sooner than you think. Zip up your parka and leave a note for the milkman. We're going out and we may be some time

While summer is still here, we've put up the bunting, made all the jams and stocked up with white elephants. Don't miss your chance to enter our Grand Prize Draw. Your lucky number is below.

The sun beats down, the sand gets everywhere and the camels have got the hump. Where's the show this week? Not on a Club 18-30 holiday (worse luck!). Perhaps loitering within a tent

Howdy pardners! Dang ma britches and whop ma hide if we ain't off on the root'n'est toot'n'est roadshow that ever hit the trail. So saddle up, you pesky varmints, and ride a spell with us, our phone games, our special guests and our 'Wait Till I Get You Home' kinfolk as we head out west.... and we don't mean Penzance. Yee-haw! (We've run out of cowboy slang now)

Comrades! Perestroika has arrived. Here's your chance to sample the vodka, the borshch, the vodka, the cossack dancing, the vodka, the annual beetroot harvest celebrations in Novosibirsk, and some more vodka. Yes, this Saturday, after the last ball has hit the back of the final 'niet', you'll be saying 'da' to the roadshow ... unless you're under 2 years of age, in which case you'll be saying 'da da'. Be there - or be Red Square

Cardsharks and croupiers beware, the high rollers are in town. When the chips are down we pass the vinegar. We're putting the Roadshow shirt on red and we don't care if we lose. (Neither would you if you saw the state of the shirt.) Luck be a lady tonight.

It's a dark and stormy night. You're lost. Your car breaks down. You see a strange castle on a hill. Tired and soaked to the skin, you knock at the huge double doors for help and they mysteriously swing open unaided. Foolishly you walk in and get attacked by a werewolf ... ever had one of those days?

This week's Roadshow quiz. Fill in the missing words in the following sentences ... 1: We all live in a yellow. 2: Jules Verne wrote about a.... called Nautilus 3: A boat that goes underwater is a ... 4: This week's Roadshow destination is in a ... Answers qsnq :\ auueuiqns :g -Z :1

It is dark there in the Great Pyramid - dark upon dark. Centuries of darkness have shrouded this, the Royal Burial Chamber of one of the last Egyptian pharaohs - King Dont Tut. A breeze, blowing in across the desert from the Nile, causes a candle to gutter; the shadows of the explorers dance an eerie tango on the huge slab walls as, slowly, painfully, the massive door to the Inner Chamber is heaved open. Soon you will be face to face with King Dont Tut ... the oldest celebrity guest in the history of light entertainment.

It's election time in Latin America where they dance the 'bandolero' while strumming their 'hasta mananas'. Where the rivers are infested by vicious man-eating 'siestas' and the citizens take an hour off work for a little shut-eye, or 'piranha' as it is known. Yes, the Roadshow is here with the facts on Central American democracy.

Spot this week's deliberate mistake: Venice! where brightly coloured gondolas adorn the beautiful canals; where lovers stand upon the Bridge of Sighs and watch the world go by; where thousands of small craft ply the magnificent Lido; where the Orient Express pulls slowly out on its long, romantic journey westwards; and the capital of Peru is Bradford.

You take the high road and I'll take the low - because there's only one lane open northbound on the Ml.

With one mighty effort Commander Noel 'Flash' Edmonds tore himself free from the clutches of the evil three-headed aardvark from the planet Magnusson and sprang on to his trusty SpaceSkoda. He kicked the self-starter, which immediately kicked him back. Then, with the huge turbines throbbing, Edmonds thrust the vehicle up through the lonoTropoDesOconnoshpere, back towards the space station ... and safety. (I don't think this is quite the Space Station Show they had in mind. - Ed)