Zogg from Betelgeuse: Crash Course for Aliens

Greetings, fellow aliens! This is the first episode of Earthlings 101. In this episode, you will learn who earthlings are, where they live and why they are so different from all other species in the galaxy. The video also contains useful tips for interstellar tourists, alien scientists and space invaders. Enjoy!

Where does life on earth come from? Why is it so different from life anywhere else in the galaxy? Why are flowers and fruit coloured? Who stole the dinosaurs? And why is it all about the message "Squids are stupid" ? Learn this and more in the second episode of Earthlings 101. Also contains useful information for space tourists, extraterrestrial scientists and alien invaders.

What is the advantage of sexual reproduction? What is the bandwidth of ejaculation? Why are ligers infertile? Why are old men only sexy when they are rich? What is the evolutionary sense of cheating? Why are promiscuous men considered cool, but promiscuous women not? Why do parents freak out about homosexual children? And what has it all to do with parasites? Learn this and more in the third episode of Earthlings 101!

Where does the concept of good and evil come from? What does it mean? Why can't humans just agree to cooperate? Why is a human a murderer when he kills his neighbour, but a hero if he kills a thousand foreigners? Why do earthlings think that people in enemy countries are evil? And what has it all to do with Cthulhu and Xenu being thrown into prison? Aliens, when you see this video, your eyes shall be opened, and you shall be as humans, knowing good and evil!

What is a dream? What is a game? What is a story? And what have they all to do with survival?

What is beauty? What is the evolutionary purpose of beauty? Why are things like landscapes and flowers beautiful? What about beautiful women and men? What is pomp? Is abstract beauty a tool to solve problems? What is art? Why are earthlings so crazy about beauty and art? Is music an imitation of bird songs? And what has all this to do with lolcats, porn and diet drinks?

What is a greeting? Why do earthlings greet each other? What do words like "Please", "Thank you" or "Sorry" mean? What is gratitude? What is the trade of a beggar? What is karma? Why is international karma trade big business? What is a sofa? And why does the question "What is a sofa?" appear in the description of a video about social mechanics?

What is humor? What do earthlings call "funny"? Why do they enjoy humour? Are there species in the galaxy who have a sense for humour - and hate it? Why do earthlings make funny noises when encountering humour? What is tickling? What is a joke? What is comedy? Is the film "Prometheus" a comedy?

What is food? What are carbon hydrates, fats and proteins? How are proteins encoded in the DNA? How do earthlings eat? What is cooking? What happens when we boil or roast food? Why do earthlings do that? Why do they separate sweet and salty meals? What is the purpose of desserts? How much weight does a human lose by breathing each day? Is turning the heating down a good way to lose weight?

What is language? What does it reveal about how earthlings think? What are things, properties and actions? What is abstraction? What is a metaphore? How does language develop? Is language in decline? Is the development of language cyclic? What does it mean to say "language is a reef of dead metaphores"?

What is a ritual? Why are rituals part of everyday's life? What have sports events, funerals and political gatherings in common? What is the purpose of rituals? Why would society as we know it be impossible without rituals? What are symbols? And why do earthlings put symbols onto their t-shirt?

What is vision? How does the eye preprocess data? What happens with the data in the brain? How do earthlings create a model of the world in their head? How do earthlings recognize shapes? Do earthlings have a brain cell for Halle Berry? Why is color a matter of biology, and not of physics? What is color anyway? What's so special about the vision of the mantis shrimp? What is a levy drone? And what has color to do with the worst brass bands in the Galaxy?

What is mathematics? What's the difference between earthling logic and ternary alien logic? What is mathematics? Why is mathematics dangerous for the Central Galactic Bureaucracy? What is geometry? What is arithmetic? What does the landscape of mathematics look like? What is Topology? What is Algebra? What is Analysis? Why is any sufficiently advanced algebra indistinguishable from magic? An what is Gödels First Theorem?