Popetown

A group of disabled children are coming to meet the Pope and perform, but the Pope has gone missing (playing hide-and-seek too well). Father Nicholas, in desperation to keep the days activities running seeks out a Pope impersonator. This impersonator is an exact image of the Pope, but unlike the real Pope, who is a young child with a girlie voice, the impersonator is a Jewish man with a Brooklyn/Jew accent. To pull off the scheme, he must be seen but not heard.

The Cardinals are hoping to secure a 'sponsorship deal' with the pending visit of a head of state and his darling wife. Problem is, this head of state is a gun toting dictator, and his only interests are seeing that his wife is pleased, and killing people who displease his wife. Father Nicholas has been given the task of tidying up the Pope prior to their arrival. Pope however has been attempting a record-breaking stint of going unwashed for 3 months!

It's the Pope's birthday, and Pope has the unusual tradition of performing a dangerous stunt as part of the birthday celebrations, and this year Pope wants to fly (without wings or other aerial support). Ivan the Invincible, the 'meanest badass wrestler the world has ever seen' has arrived to see the Pope, who is a huge fan, and Pope wants Ivan to help him fly by throwing him into the air. Meanwhile, Father Nicholas has been desperately trying to find a present for the Pope, and in his haste he bursts into the room where Pope and Ivan are, but as Nicholas bursts through the door the door knocks out Ivan. Sister Penelope (the newsreading nun with curves that an hourglass would envy) sends up the event as if Father Nicholas had beaten Ivan in a bout, and Nicholas gets caught up in the hype, and set up for a rematch!

Spencer the monkey has disappeared from the Popetown Zoo, and the buildings of Popetown are falling apart. Sister Penelope, always after a popular story, has tricked Father Nicholas into joining her in the catacombs for an interview, and Father Nicholas passes the responsibility of puting the young Pope to bed over to Sister Marie. Pope fools Sister Marie into believing that the energy drink Purple Papal Bull is a bed-time drink, and he guzzles down the whole can - only to end up fizzing, belching and 'jet' propelling himself all over the place... and then the energy part kicks in, sending Pope into an even greater frenzy. Pope ends up burning off the energy in the catacombs, but sets off a ceiling collapse that traps Pope, Father Nicholas, Sister Penelope and Sister Marie, and it's up to the Cardinals to form a rescue team.

Father Nicholas disrupts a hive of bees, and the resultant swarm seeks refuge by flying into the gaping mouth of the Pope while he's asleep. The bees become trapped in Pope's stomach, and their combined efforts to fly out result in the Pope becoming levitated! Father Nicholas assumes the levitation indicates the Pope has become posessed, and seeks an exorcism. But the exorcist has been through one too many exorcisms already, and is only interested in hiding from the devils. Meanwhile, the Cardinals have discovered a creme that miraculously reduces the effects of aging, injury and deformity (but only temporarily). They set about making a fortune 'rejuvenating' the masses.

The Cardinals want to capture the immense publicity of having the Pope as striker for an International Class Football (soccer) team. Father Nicholas is given the task of assembling a team from Popetowns somewhat rag-tag residents. .. as impossible as that may seem.

Father Nicholas is having his mother come to visit.

She suffers from angina, and Father Nicholas is very protective of her. She however is more interested in a burly Popetown guard, or more exactly, passionate activities with a burly guard that will either raise her heart-rate, or bring her heart to a complete stop.

Owing to a crisis with the accounts, Popetown is having to cut back on spending, so the Pope's expensive rugs are replaced with cheap carpets... with the unexpected result that Pope develops a dangerous electric charge when he rides his bike across the rugs.

Pope loves these new 'superpowers', but everyone else finds the effects 'shocking'.

Father Nicholas is having a bit of an identity crisis, and starts chasing a change of position in Popetown, but Popetown is not an easy place to move ahead. Father Nicholas must pass a barrage of tests.

It's Charity Day in Popetown, a day when the Cardinals drain visitors of their spare cash, and a day when The Pope is expected to ride in the armourglassed PopeWagon and address the gathered crowds.

But problems have arisen. Firstly The Pope simply doesn't want to cooperate, and is delivering a tantrum instead, secondly the PopeWagon has had yellow paint spilt all over it, and it needs to be dazzling white instead.

In order to get the car repainted, Father Nicholas and Sister Marie must get it to a garage. This means driving out of Popetown into unfamiliar parts of the city... parts of the city which seem to be nothing more than an endless 'vice' district... hardly the place for two saintly residents of Popetown to be seen.

It's Derby Day at Popetown, the day when all the major religions come together for a day at the horse races, with $100 million at stake for the winners.

Naturally the Cardinals want all of that prize for themselves, and they've arranged for a genetically modified and drugged up horse to win for them.

And as always, keeping everything running to plan has fallen to Father Nicholas, but unknown to everyone else, a traumatic experience at age 3 has left him deathly afraid of horses, and without his control, the day risks being a shambles.