RiffTrax

The Sons of Hercules: Land of Darkness (1x124)

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Everyone knows Hercules (or Heracles, if you’re really fun to talk to at parties), the mighty Greek whose heroic exploits included cleaning up tons of horse crap. But not everyone knows his sons, who for some reason went by the name The Sons of Hercules! Yes, The Sons of Hercules, whose theme song informs us “were men as men could be.” What in the hell this might conceivably mean, we have no idea. Perhaps their Y chromosomes are bulked up monstrosities like Popeye. Or maybe it’s because, as the song goes on to inform us, “They shook the world AND took the world,” while the rest of us, failing to be as men as men could be, merely do one or the other depending on who’s playing in Monday Night Football. This particular episode centers around Argolese, a man whose ability to grow a respectable beard is severely hampered by his periwinkle mini-skirt. Argolese befriends a horrible man named Babar who, as a sidekick, ranks somewhere in between Jar Jar Binks and Shia LaBeouf’s character in Crystal Skull. Their lighthearted goal? Free a bunch of innocent people who have been horribly enslaved! Along the way they’ll wrestle a lion (real), fight a dragon (fake) and evade a hungry bear (we’re not sure. We’re leaning toward it being Nicholas Cage.) One thing is for certain: a sword and sandals tale this bizarre requires the full riffing efforts of Mike, Kevin and Bill, who, put together, come very close to being as men as men could be.