RiffTrax

Quiptracks: Signs (4x632)

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In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. He also made aliens at this point but totally forgot to use them. But that's all about to change, because visionary blowhard M Night Shyamalan, in associaton with the LORD, has crafted a brilliant plan so convoluted and complicated that it's just GOTTA be profound. Graham Hess, an ex-priest, never forgave God for taking his wife from him. Having hung up his clerical collar for good, Graham, who is known to burn meat and is constantly suspicious of the possibly fictitious Wolfington Brothers, now lives with his son Morgan, a paranoid asthmatic; his daughter Bo, who leaves water glasses around the house half-full (or half-empty, if you're the pessimistic type); and his brother Merrill, who swings bats at stuff. These are the characteristics that M Night pulled out of his trait jar for this movie, and it's these characteristics that Graham and his family will need to clunkily utilize in order to survive Thursday's big alien invasion. And if THAT won't bring back Graham's faith, God's out of ideas.