RiffTrax

The Lost Boys (2x21)

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Let’s get one thing straight: Vampires don’t sparkle in the sun; they burst into flame. Yes, they sleep all day, party all night, wear dangly earrings, ride motorbikes on the boardwalk and enjoy concerts by long-haired shirtless greasy saxophone players, but they JUST. DO. NOT. SPARKLE. Joel “Can we please stop talking about how I put nipples on the Batsuit?” Schumacher’s 1987 teen vamp flick The Lost Boys is everything Twilight wishes it could be and then some. SWOON over pretty boy Michael (Jason Patric) and his vamp nemesis David (Kiefer Sutherland, peroxided beyond recognition)! LAUGH at those wacky comic-book collecting vamp hunters The Frog Brothers (Corey Feldman, who probably doesn’t remember making this movie, and Jamison Newlander, who probably doesn’t get remembered for making this movie)! SCREAM at Corey Haim’s horribly dated wardrobe! And SIGH wondering why Dianne Wiest and Edward Herrmann signed on to be in this thing. Oh…and… something about Jami Gertz. Returning to the RiffTrax booth are Cole Stratton (who seriously loves this movie) and Janet Varney (who seriously loves that Cole seriously loves this movie). They hope you’ll give it a download…since they have so much at STAKE. Get it? Stake?* *Janet Varney wishes that it be known that she strongly disapproves of that last joke and that Cole takes full responsibility for it.** ** Cole Stratton is wearing sunglasses indoors and thinks it’s hilarious.