RiffTrax

Bed Time Story Productions: Soylent Green (4x741)

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There are thousands of amazing, entertaining movies available that you could watch again and again. I highly recommend watching as many of those as you can get your soylent little hands on, 'cause Soylent Green isn't one of them. Based on an entire line of food that never made it to your local farmer's market (thankfully), and the place Green Day got it's name from (not really, but it sounded good), it's got all the action, suspense, romance, and character development of a whole-wheat cracker. It's a movie that teaches you about the importance of saving our planet; something you probably already learned from Al Gore. Less importantly, it's a movie that teaches you how to eat, and that's not even the worst part. The worst part is the 90+ minutes of your life you'll waste watching this film, when, chances are, you already know the outcome because some moron(s) spoiled it for you. You can't get that time back. And assuming you can make it through the film (you know what they say about the word assume), there's a good chance someone will have to call 9-1-1 when you pass out on the floor from boredom, thus the reason for this full-length commentary. It just takes some of the edge off. You'll still probably faint from boredom, but there's a better chance someone won't mistake you for dead and send you to the waste disposal plant. Meanwhile, you'll be laying there with a smile on your face dreaming of tulips, deer, mountain streams, and other nature scenes. However, if you hear the music of Tchaikovsky or Beethoven while you're laying there on the floor, I recommend therapy when you come to.