RiffTrax

Ice on Mars: Twilight (4x247)

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If you think back, I'm sure we all can remember a time that we were an innocent, naive 13-year-old girl who wanted nothing more than for the cute older boy in our class to look our way and realize how special we were beneath our clumsy exterior. For most of us, the story ended with us realizing that the older boy in our class was held back because he'd huffed so much paint he couldn't spell his name without entering a trance-like state, and us realizing we were young men from the Midwest randomly dreaming of older men in a society more stringent than that portrayed in Brokeback Mountain when it came to such things. For Stephenie Meyer, however, she takes this premise, makes the boy a sparkling vampire who doesn't kill humans, and Mary Sues herself right into the midst of things. Whether you love it or hate it, there's certainly no denying that Twilight exists. So whether you're a Twi-hater, the boyfriend, husband, father or some other relation to a Twi-lover and you're sick of it and just want something to deaden the vapid silences rampant in this film (you can throw it on an MP3 player & enjoy the film in your own special way!), OR you're a Twi-lover and want to use this as an excuse to show it to friends ('no, no, this makes fun of it!' but secretly you're hoping the magic will sweep them away despite all the silly voices...), this is the riff for you! Features Michael T. Bradley, Kaisha "Time & Again" Medford and Josh "Human Beasts" Robinson.