RiffTrax

Double Dragon (1x339)

: 26, 2021

The beloved arcade beat ‘em up is now a movie! Kind of! The video game Double Dragon had a complex plot: “Bad guys punch girl so good guy punches bad guys.” Not exactly the kind of thing that fills 90 minutes of screen time, unless you punch really slowly. But this thin gruel allowed for the director to include many deep cuts, references, and easter eggs, such as the touching subplot where Billy Lee eats an entire roast turkey that he found in an alley to refill his life bar. Billy and his brother Jimmy are two martial arts whizzes with IQs on par with Harry and Lloyd from Dumb and Dumber. When an evil guy with evil guy facial hair played by Terminator 2’s Robert Patrick, steals their family Macguffin, they undertake a quest: to find out who his personal stylist was and make sure they never harm anyone again. Standing in their way is Abobo, who, while not an attractive man in the video game, at least did not resemble a schnitzel made from a barnyard animal’s infected genitals. Fortunately, Jimmy and Billy have the help of Alyssa Milano, who is the daughter of the world’s dumbest police chief, based on his inability to tell that his daughter is always wearing a ridiculous wig. It all comes down to a Final Fight where the Lee’s Fatal Fury will be tested on the Streets of Rage of the… uh… River City Ransom? Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Double Dragon!