Continuing the passive-aggressively named Let’s Be Good Citizens film series, it’s Let’s Be Good Citizens While Visiting! Because even children on vacation can fail and disappoint their country if they aren’t polite enough. Susan and Jack are classic 1950s children on a classic 1950's vacation: visiting their boring aunt and uncle at their boring farm. Meanwhile mom and dad are presumably sipping Mai Tais at a swingers resort in the Bahamas. Susan and Jack make the most of their “vacation” by carefully selecting the appropriate shirts to wear, buttoning and tucking those shirts in precisely, and then being chastised for trying to climb up a 3-foot fence. Good citizens don’t have fun! Good citizens get punished, and they’re grateful for it! Come on children, are you trying to make Uncle Sam cry? Will the kids get their carefully pressed clothes dirty on the farm, like the devil wants them to? Will they accompany their aunt and uncle on some chores in town?

Bicycles have traditionally had only two purposes: going from point A to point B and making the worst people in the world froth at the mouth with rage in comments sections whenever it’s suggested that cars should watch out for them. But back in the '80s, a third purpose was discovered: Bicycle Dancing. Yes, there was nothing cooler than getting a really tiny BMX bike and making it go Bouncy Bouncy! While the potential of this new art form was teased at during the opening credits of Rad, its screen time was vastly cut due to the breakout success of its co-star, Ass Sliding. But with nary an ass to be slid in this short, it’s time for tricks like bunny hops, tail whips, spin dizzles, raspberry rotorooters, marleybone weekends, capitol critters, hamburglar therapists, and several other terms we also just made up to take center stage! If you found the concepts of Helltrack and Walking This Sucker too intense, please join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for this intensive crash course.

Mike works in a factory, and he’s angry at everything! His broken-down car. His co-worker who laughs at him. People who point out that it’s insane that he considers tomatoes an essential part of any fruit basket. Mike’s going to be receiving a lot of gift fruit baskets going forward, because he’s in the hospital after losing several fingers in a belt sander accident. Fortunately, his daughter is there to salt his tomatoes, then feed them to him. That is, until he gets a hospital roommate who is also named Mike. The entire RiffTrax universe would collapse in on itself if this second Mike lapsed into a rant about how bananas are actually vegetables, so we’re glad that he never actually speaks. The point of this short is evidently something about not losing your temper at work but you’ll most likely just come away from it with a strange desire to bite into a whole tomato. It must have been something subliminal they did…

CRIME- Senior Alert: Important life saving advice clearly presented in a short film starring Seniors just like you! A message from: Crime Prevention For Seniors of Montgomery County, Maryland; Pinellas County Florida Sheriff Department's Crime Prevention Unit; and The Mansfield, Ohio Police Department: "We don't pretend to have all the answers for every possible crime, but if you follow a few simple rules you stand a darn good chance of not being a victim: 1. Secure your house against easy entrance. 2. Never let a stranger in. 3. Develop safe car habits. 4. Get a soft little purse which holds no more than five dollars, your credit card, and one check for groceries and hide it on your person!"

Let's pretend for a moment that you're a 5th grade teacher. It's late Thursday night, and you haven't prepared one thing for tomorrow's class day. It’s also early May, so there's no chance for a snow day to save you, and getting a sub means you have to write up a lesson plan anyway. What do you do? Here’s an idea: show your class this short film from the 1950s about a teacher who obviously hadn't prepared for his class day, so he decides to have his class “act out” scenes from Tom Sawyer, claiming it helps students to “learn better.” When you're done watching Acting is Fun, apply what you’ve learned in your own classroom. It will eat up at least an hour before lunch, smart kids can take a break from excelling, and most of all, it’s fun! *Your students are sure to be charmed by the educator’s mid-century modern eyebrows.

When we last left Billy Batson, he was passed out. That isn’t really news; the cast of Captain Marvel spends most of their time either unconscious, riding in boxy cars, or when they get really ambitious, both. Now and then there is a lengthy board meeting, or perhaps the murder of several civilians by our titular hero. The Scorpion needs just a few more pieces to complete his project. We think it’s some sort of lamp, or possibly a toaster. Doctor Lang is holding out on him, so The Scorpion tries to put him in a device that’s half iron maiden, half birdcage. We don’t know why he owns this device. Perhaps his side hustle is cockatiel interrogation? What’s important is, you’ll find the reveal of the Dead Man’s Trap janky and hilarious, even more so when you remember that the final season of one of the most acclaimed TV shows of all time, Breaking Bad, employed a nearly identical device. Next thing you know, Billy will be tossing a pizza onto The Scorpion’s roof. Only three more episod

In this 1970's Bell Telephone instructional film, the neighborhood kids want to have a picnic but don’t know how to use a telephone to invite everyone. Suddenly the desk phone in the living room magically becomes enormous, and the kids enter the world of Telezonia. Their new pal Telly introduces them to anthropomorphic punctuation who teach them how to call people, use a phone book, and various matters of etiquette. The picnic is saved!

Americans at Work: Barbers and Beauticians! A follow-up to the less popular short, Unemployed Americans: Standing in Front of the Kitchen Sink Wondering Where It All Went Wrong. This vintage AFL-CIO film came at an exciting time in the tonsorial profession, when a third type of haircut for men had just been invented! The short takes us on a tour through the beauty parlor, a place where men who look like Walt Disney walk around pretending to tell the women who actually cut the hair what to do. And the barbershop, a place where little boys cry at the sight of scissors until their fathers give them a hearty, affectionate slap. Buck up, Billy! We also learn a bit about the history of barbering, an art that goes back to ancient times when you just know everybody’s haircuts looked like they were done with a paper shredder. As opposed to the modern days of 1960, when scientific advances have beauticians slathering human heads with chemicals that will absolutely shorten their lifespans. Prog

Whatever it is, The Griper is against it. George, the titular figure in this short film from Young America, complains about everything and then some. His classmates are fed up with him ruining everything, and even his conscience threatens to move out. The film asks some tough questions: can George do anything about his behavior? Will the others accept him if he does? Was that a shirt or a pajama top he wore to school that one day?

What is a Westinghouse? Our best guess is some sort of company that made electric stuff that they really wanted you to buy in the 1950s. Join couple A as they show off all their cool electric appliances and gadgets to couple B without ever offering them a cocktail or a slice of salami. Electricity solves every problem and keeps everything very clean so everyone has more time to buy more stuff! Don’t be envious, just start buying and be fulfilled TODAY!

Skaterdater is an honest-to-goodness “film” film, too: it won the 1966 Palm d’Or for Best Short Film at Cannes, and was nominated for an Academy Award. Raising the important film history question: are there more close-ups of bare feet in this Oscar-nominated film, or the Oscar-nominated films of Quentin Tarantino? The short follows a group of boys cruising the streets of Southern California on tiny wooden skateboards, wearing matching windbreakers, grooving to surf rock, irritating the Old Folks, and eventually becoming distracted by The Ladies. Inevitably, this leads to a duel between two of the boys, and it’ll be a miracle if they come out of it with all their toes intact. Breaker breaker, we’ve got a Skaterdater on the elevator (this doesn’t mean anything, it’s just kind of fun to say out loud). Get ready to drop in and shred with Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the clean-cut, matching windbreaker style of skateboarding found in Skaterdater!

Sally fell. Now, Harry Carter must manage the kids and domestic responsibilities while his wife recovers from a devastating back injury. He realizes how important household safety is so that Sally never ever lets her family down again. Note: graphic depictions of housewifery.

Sometimes it feels like the folks who made these old shorts were doing so just so we could make fun of them sixty years later. And then there are shorts like Dick Wakes Up, where there is absolutely nothing funny that stands out about it. Sometimes these shorts will have a character who looks super old even though they’re in high school. That’s great! Other times, a crappy puppet appears to lecture a kid about hygiene. Hilarious! But then you get a title like Dick Wakes Up. You look at it and wonder: Where are the laughs going to come from? There’s nothing silly about the action of “waking." And as far as directions go, “up” has to be the least funny. Maybe there’s the slightest bit of humor to be mined from the character’s name? That’s it! Dick is short for Richard! The Richard Dean Anderson jokes will write themselves! As it turns out, Dick Wakes Up after Dick is hit by a car. So, phew! Something funny does happen! He’s then lectured by two tiny versions of himself: an uptight good

Big tech companies nowadays are awfully proud of their so-called “driverless” cars. Meanwhile, people in the tricycle community are rolling their eyes. They’ve had trikes that are not only driverless but riderless since the '80s. And, much like driverless cars, sometimes they go haywire and run away. Not convinced? All the evidence is right here in The Remarkable Riderless Runaway Tricycle!

The Good Loser thrusts the viewer into the thrilling world of competitive 1950's Extemporaneous Speaking. Sure, a lot of us who haven’t actually participated in the cutthroat world of the debate team might think these kids are a bunch of squares and dorks. But until you watch them in action, you truly have no idea how big of a wiener a high school debate champion can be. Ray is the two-time district champion in Extemporaneous Speaking, so naturally he’s got himself a big head. Sorry, a flat head. Ray’s flattop could serve as a model plane runway. But Ray is going off to college next year, or perhaps if he’s lucky, to Korea - so the team sponsor asks him to coach Marilyn in the ways of speaking extemporaneously. Marilyn manages to upset Ray at the competition, perhaps because her speech included fewer rants about lizard people. Can Ray find out a way to be a Good Loser about the whole endeavor? Or will he internalize the humiliating defeat into a general loathing of society as a whol

Children dressed as “playground spirits” enforce safety by scolding kids, threatening Garbage Land exile, and even resetting time to make sure everyone plays nice.

We all know the way to a man’s heart is through appliances. And thusly, lively and bright teenage Judy manages to snag the egghead of her dreams, her brother’s college friend Alexander Phipps. How? By preparing dinner all by herself using all the modern conveniences.

Master of horror Stephen King is famous for taking ordinary things and making them scary. A car. A dog. A hotel. A floor lamp - wait, maybe that was Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes. But not even Mr. King dared to give sentience to a school building in need of maintenance: he left that terrifying task to our new short Taking Care of Your School Building!

Laura is on the nominating committee for Pep Club and her best friend Jean is a candidate for the position of next year's president and it’s PRETTY obvious that their friendship totally gives Jean an unfair advantage…at least that’s what Frida told me while we were having cokes at the drugstore. Oh, and also, Jean's boyfriend has been spotted with Laura a couple times and you know what that means! Please don’t tell anyone I told you.

It’s time for the 10th installment of the superhero serial we’ve been riffing for at least that many years! Time marches on, empires rise and fall, the oceans reshape the continents, and our plucky crew continues to drag out the mystery of which boring guy might be the Scorpion in the Adventures of Captain Marvel: Doom Ship! When we first saw Doom Ship in the title, we assumed that must be the codename of a wood-paneled office or old-timey roadster, as those are pretty much the only locations featured in this serial so far. Boy were we surprised to see this episode contains actual seafaring! Well, seafaring on a fake boat in a studio swimming pool, but still, it’s something! There’s even water! Actual splashes of actual water! Shazam! Yes, the quest for a… lens? Is that what this is all about?... takes our heroes out on the open sea, where they face a storm. Did the nefarious Scorpion create this storm? No, it’s just a storm, the Scorpion’s not that powerful, sort of just a guy with

Couldn’t get a ticket for a ride on a one-horse open sleigh? Did Santa find you hiding in the back of his sled and have you thrown out by his newest reindeer, Bouncer? Never fear, you can still find holiday themed transportation if you head down to the depot and join all the other sad sacks aboard The Christmas Bus! The Christmas Bus is a slice-of-life short film from the 70s all about the festive joys of learning to barely tolerate other people on public transportation. Among the passengers are a newly married couple, a man who just got bad news at the hospital, several cranky old ladies, a drunk nursing a paper bag, and, worst of all, a pair of young women trying to force everyone on the bus to sing Christmas carols. Did we mention it’s a horror film? It’s Christmas Eve, where better to spend it than a big metal box that smells faintly of urine? Bring exact change, clutch your transfer tight, and you just might get a seat next to Mike, Kevin and Bill on The Christmas Bus!