Sit Down, Shut Up

Julia's forty-hour famine delivers a team of starved players for Dean's football final, and consequently, the team is too lethargic to play well.

Sue and Dean get Stuart to unknowingly take steroids to test whether they can improve the sporting performance of the students. The pills turn out to be Helen's female hormone replacement pills which causes Stuart to grow breasts.

Sue appoints Julia to be the editor of the school magazine. As none of the students contribute anything, Julia writes the entire magazine herself to prove the students are motivated and creative.

In preparation for the swimming sports, Julia takes the staff through a crash course in First Aid and receives unwelcome assistance from Stuart.

The school radio station is back and Stuart, Stefan and Felix compete for student ratings

Acting Principal Sue, in panic mode because Principal Kevin Wright has announced his return, mysteriously borrows The Poisoner's Handbook from the library.

Sue notices the pedestrian crossing outside the school is unattended - Rose, the school's lollipop lady, has died - so Sue gives the job to Helen. Of course Helen doesn't want this job but soon realises the "power" that comes with it.

The school has a student teacher, Greg, who will be with Stefan's English class for three weeks. Greg had previously travelled with Julia doing missionary work for two years and he had once asked her to marry him.

Some students have caught Stuart looking at porn magazines in a newsagent; when they see him at school they spread the word and all the kids chant "porno. porno!" ...which Stuart tries to turn into "no porn. no porn!"

Sue arranges a "Staff Compulsory Late Afternoon Of Social Intercourse". Dean is embarrassed that he doesn't have a date to bring, so Stefan brings along a prostitute to pretend to be Dean's girlfriend.

The school's drivers ed car has been stolen so Stefan takes the kids to learn to drive in Chaps' ride-on lawn mower.

Sue finds that half the female students have left the school to attend other schools and thinks this is because there are not enough good looking male teachers on staff. She threatens to fire Stefan if he doesn't start to try looking sexy.

Stefan gets his English Literature class to watch Jurassic Park instead of studying Pride and Prejudice.